Roy, walker. Iceland beat abject England. Glenn beats the fans

28 Jun

I’m not nervous. I think we’ll beat them quite easily”. Not my words but those of ITV pundit Lee Dixon before kick off as England took on Iceland last night. Ploughing straight into the book of Glenn Hoddle level punditry he set the scene for what many feared, but few actually believed, might happen. And then it did.

First things first. Well played Iceland. They won and deservedly so. Two well taken goals to England’s one, early, penalty as Roy’s boys fell apart.

We’ve all seen it. You don’t need any form of match report from me. You don’t need any form of analysis as to just how bad things were. How, mediocre England looked throughout the evening and, if we’re being honest, the tournament . A simple inability to pass the ball , shoot on target or break down a resolute defence. A simple inability for our goalkeeper to stop making basic, game changing, errors (not for this first time in Euro 2016). Hey, at least he can handle the pressure of having a flake free scalp.

Delle Alli? Ali from Oz cabs would have done a better job out there (kids, ask your dads) but to single out one person would be unfair. England were just dreadful all round. Parped on by ‘that band’, sounding worse than ever, it was a truly miserable experience. The second half especially.

Iceland wanted it. England assumed they had a god given right to qualify. And that doesn’t win football matches. The final kick in the teeth being Roy reading out his pre-prepared statement to the press just after the game. How did he write it so quickly? Surely he hadn’t written it beforehand? Surely? Why didn’t he take ANY questions afterwards? The least he could do was try to offer some explanation. To give some form of cathartic relief.

But no, in he came, out came the paper, off he walked – resignation shared with the nation. If only there was some form of topical parallel we could draw upon here.

And then there was Glenn Hoddle. The co-commentator has been roundly panned this tournament but it was almost as though he knew Iceland were going to win and, if England were going down, he was taking us with them.

At 1-0 up he endorsed playing it across the back. That worked well. This from the man who declared : Iceland are still stuck in the 80s.

In the second half he noted about the defence  : “There’s always been a suspicion that it has been the weak suit”. Well d’uh.

Late on, despite the clear inability of England to hit a barn door with a banjo he opined how, “We might get a goal from a tap in”.

Seriously? Was he watching the same game? I might win the national lottery, but its not going to happen.

I could go on. It was 90 minutes of non-stop drivel, mirroring what happened on pitch. The crowning glory being his observation that , “They’re little things but they’re big things when it comes to things in the 18 yard box”.

What does that even mean? The sad thing is that , with Roy having walked, the bookies have him at 20-1 to be next England manager. Surely just a comedy bet?

There’s a few days for us all to catch our breath. The quarter final line up is now complete  – Italy being the day’s other winners  – and it looks like a good one.

What a shame England won’t be there but Glenn and co will. Although, on the showing, four our own safety perhaps it’s best things ended there.


The quarters are intriguing. No England though

Nick Bruzon

3 Responses to “Roy, walker. Iceland beat abject England. Glenn beats the fans”

  1. RebelBee June 28, 2016 at 8:46 am #

    “Ali from Oz cabs” like it, maybe even his brother Mehmet could’ve played, its an age thing, da yoof won’t get it for sure.

    England were truly abject, the worst tournament performance we’ve ever delivered i’d say. Seen too many of them for it to hurt like it used to, but the embarrassment I feel today is stinging. Especially when i see the Welsh players celebrating at our demise, then read the tweet from EU president Tusk – classy mate, well done!

    Fair play to Iceland though, thoroughly deserved their win and were comfortable all 2nd half. Organised, committed, everything that we weren’t.

    As for next England coach, surprised Warburton isn’t even in the betting, got to be better than the list of horrors I’ve seen. Maybe Eddie Jones could swap sports, someone like that would do us.

  2. Bernard Quackenbush (@BernardQuack) June 28, 2016 at 3:21 pm #

    Im sure I would have mentioned before on these pages that I very rarely watch an England match. In fact the last time was about 2008. The reason. I just find it so boring to watch and just cannot relate to these players and their massive salaries, unlike the Cricket team who earn a fraction of the amount and are quite happy to chat about the sport they love.

    So for some time now I have been following another country’s team, a team a bit more Brentford like. That team. Iceland. Ever since the days of Hermann, Oli & Ivar I have taken a keen interest in the team and anything remotely sporting Icelandic. Winning Silver in Mens Handball at the 2008 Olympics, was the greatest Icelandic sporting achievement ever, until possibly last night. They had more energy, more passion, and a greater desire to win than England and fully deserved it. So at least there was one Englishman who was delighted with the result!

  3. Bernard Quackenbush (@BernardQuack) June 28, 2016 at 3:23 pm #

    Oh by the way I thought the same as you. That resignation statement was clearly pre-prepared. Almost as if Roy was expecting to lose.

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