Do we have to do the Ivan Toney video thing? We were on a break.

29 Jan

With top flight football on brief hiatus before we get back to action, these pages have been quiet for a few days. Blessed relief for some but there’s only so many times you can try and make noise out of Brentford and games which are still at least a week away. Everton (FA Cup) and Manchester City (Premier League), for the well-played record There’s no point any further conjecture around Christian Eriksen. Currently training with Ajax but still expected at Lionel Road in a few days’ time – albeit the only person taking longer to get their paperwork lodged would seem to be Sue Gray. It was supposed to be a break from the blogging with, rather, content being filed for the next few home programmes. Crystal Palace and Newcastle United kit pieces are in – the later of which hopefully won’t go go anywhere near the censors (if you are reading, editor – unlikely, let’s be honest). Then the combination of insomnia and the world seeming to explode over ‘that’ Ivan Toney holiday video seemed like a good place to jump back onboard.

Did he really say it? Well yes, but….

We’ve all, I assume, seen it? A 7 (seven) second clip of Ivan on his holidays. Taking a well deserved break, like the rest of the squad, after the exertions of the season. In Dubai (I believe) and unwinding at a discotheque after spending the last six months in the microscope of the Premier League. After defying the pundits and most people’s expectations by not being relegated but, rather, aside from a smattering of away games holding our own for vast swathes of the campaign. Oh, we’ll never get that time at Burnley, Brighton or Southampton back. 

But the critics and the clickbait mongers need something. And here it was. Ivan, uttering the words: “F*&k Brentford”. Taken out of context and printed down they read as bizarre, at the very best. Put them into the context of the actual video clip, engage your eyes and brain for more than a millisecond and it’s just nothing. Nothing. A young man relaxing on holiday and clearly, clearly, clearly trying to impress (presumably) a woman. A woman who even has to feed him the ‘killer’ line which he then repeats in almost bemused and confused fashion. Thinks: Why am I saying this? Oh well, if it helps get my end away then whatever.

Come on, Ivan. Say: “F*&k Boo-entford”

Footballer says something silly shocker. Man clowns around to try and impress lady. Err, that’s about the strength of it I think.

Don’t even be going all holier than thou Brentford official and launching an ‘inquiry’.

Don’t even think about apologising, Ivan. About doing one of those toe-curling videos saying how much you love and respect the fans.

We know. We don’t care. It’s so obvious as to what it is that most people with more than a double figure IQ can see. If there is any ‘remorse’ felt in the cold light of day and, let’s be clear that there shouldn’t be, then make it up by getting the winner against Everton. By beating the bookies to help us with what are, at present, 39/2 odds on winning at Manchester City.  Hey, I’ve invested. Who needs non-fungible tokens? There are much easier ways to make a fortune! Please note: fortune not guaranteed.

Roll on Everton. Roll on the prospect of new manager Frank Lampard (if you believe the rumours) losing his first fixture. Put to the sword by Ivan’s boot.  Perhaps even feeding from an assist by Christian Eriksen. Sorry Toffees’ fans. Sorry Allan. It’s football and we need to dream. Imagine the scenes. There’d be more limbs than a doll factory. That’s the focus now.  This video nonsense nothing but that. Nonsense. Forgotten about and filed away.

We’re hardly in Jamie Bates personal services’ territory. In Quarter Pound of Rubbish take-over talks. Waving W£bb Out flags. Now there were actual scandals…

Ivan, if you are reading (and again, we’re clutching at straws beyond even those of beating City) then we need to be clear. Nobody gives a flying monkey. Tell us you were misquoted if you want. I mean, you weren’t but it’s irrelevant. Don’t go near an apology. Don’t listen to the press. Just do your talking on the pitch.

And if you could help me win that bet, would be hugely appreciated…

Ivan under the microscope – nobody gives a flying monkey

Nick Bruzon

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9 Responses to “Do we have to do the Ivan Toney video thing? We were on a break.”

  1. David Carney January 29, 2022 at 7:57 am #

    Shock, horror……..and now it has been confirmed that Thomas frank told a referee to get f….d. just what is the football world coming to?

    • nickbruzon January 29, 2022 at 8:09 am #

      Hang head in shame. Don sack cloth and ashes

  2. AUSSIE BEE 53 January 29, 2022 at 8:52 am #

    should have said it in Danish might have got away with it

  3. Garry Shrimpton January 29, 2022 at 9:09 am #

    Toney the consummate family man (we are told continually) ‘trying to get his end away’? Interesting slant on things as usual.

    • nickbruzon January 29, 2022 at 12:03 pm #

      Cheers Garry. At the end of the day, whatever his situation or intent this ‘soundbite has so clearly been taken out of context (by those who want to) it’s ridiculous. Anyone who doesn’t type with their forehead seems to have been able to discern this. Personally speaking, I’m amazed so many are happy to join in the ‘pile on’. Social media I suppose.
      For me, it’s about standing up for one of our players who’s done nothing wrong beyond getting mugged off

      • Garry Shrimpton January 29, 2022 at 12:13 pm #

        I agree with you on that Nick, it’s the usual devious media tactics.

        This isn’t something that worries me or makes me think any different of him actually. Storm in a teacup.

  4. Mark Hardy January 29, 2022 at 7:36 pm #

    C’mon you guys :- six goals in (what is it?) 21 games ENTITLES him to say such things about his employer. S’pose all you have to hope that his career capabilities prove – over a period of time – that he could be that arrogant and disloyal and still find people to pay him while he says it…

  5. Mark Hardy January 29, 2022 at 7:37 pm #

    …. and what was all that about his mates all being QPR fans…? Makes him even more attractive in my book, if it turns out to be true…

    • hobbo January 30, 2022 at 5:05 pm #

      l would go as far to say that the tart in the vid is a river rat or ra ra fan.

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