Brentford pointless after car crash of a no-show.

Wow. Just wow. There are no-shows, and there are no-shows. Then there was that. A next level no-show from Thomas Frank’s team with Coventry City taking just about as easy a three points as they could ever be offered. Brentford, generous visitors to St. Andrew’s and allowing our hosts 90 minutes to enjoy lunch at the all you can score buffet. In the end our hosts took advantage just twice but it could have been double that. Or more. Our second place in the Championship remaining by virtue of nothing more than goal difference but Swansea City must be salivating now with a massive three games in hand. A win at Huddersfield Town this afternoon (at the time of writing it is, amazingly, 1—0 to the hosts) will see them overtake us with an additional two games to play. Norwich City will, I am sure, also be looking to extend their own lead at the top in the game against Rotherham United at Carrow Road.

Full credit to Coventry City, btw. They fought and scraped for everything. Kept pushing to the last. Outplayed a changed Brentford line up in every position. One can understand Thomas needing to use games for rotation but the new look line up weren’t even close to coming second. Ben Wilson in the Coventry goal having just about as easy a game as they come. Ninety minutes to catch up on some sleep. Brentford, on the other hand, pointless. Before, during and after. Ghoddos anonymous. Mbeumo overweight. Canos out of sorts and out of touch. Forss not getting a look in. Dasilva and Dalsgaard on the bench. Toney not even making the squad. Let’s hope that was nothing serious.

We ended the game with changes having been made but Rico Henry looking like he may have sustained significant damage and a second goal conceded that came straight from the textbook of schoolboy defending. A woeful clearance from Raya, under no pressure whatsoever, selling his team short. Coventry being given all the time and space to pick their moment and double the lead ten minutes into the second half. A second goal for Tyler Walker to complement his penalty in the opening period. It had looked an innocuous decision awarded against Rico but the general consensus was that it was the right one. Walker squeezing it through and under Raya after 19 minutes to shock us, briefly, into life.

The resuscitation was a short one. A game crying out for change before half time continued the same way and the ultimate price was then paid after the defensive horror show that allowed the lead to be doubled. Brentford declared dead on the table but limping through the motions for another half hour or so. Offering up about as flaccid a performance as we’ve had the misfortune to sit through in a while. It was Stoke City away levels of bad. Second half against Preston awful. Horrific. An insult to the word performance. 

Play this rather than watching the highlights – its the same

You get the gist. Whatever the results from Huddersfield and Norwich, we’ve been about as bad as it is possible to be. Knackered? Perhaps. Mentally drained? Maybe. But enough about the fans. I’m sure the players are feeling it too and I’m equally sure that Sheffield on Wednesday can’t be anywhere near this woeful. It would be impossible to be so. Even with Ian Moose up front, the England Supporters band across the back four and Mrs. Brown filling the defensive midfield berth.

The obvious concern being that this is now three defeats on the spin. LLL. A blip could become a car crash. Barnsley was poor, QPR better (for a while) but this was off the cliff levels of bad. Man of the match probably going to referee Steve Martin, simply for his bringing proceedings to a close. The one bit of pleasure to take this afternoon. Thomas, frankly that wasn’t good enough today. Nowhere near. No guts. No desire. No clue.

On the other hand, if there can be any positive, at least we’re having the bumps now. Better to get them out the system now with 15 still to play than in the final few games of the campaign. We’ve got Ivan Toney to return. Likewise Christian Norgaard and Emiliano Marcondes. The former can’t be back soon enough. The later hopefully to provide some much needed flare. There was good news with Pontus being declared back on the grass although I can’t imagine his return being in the next few days or even weeks.

No amount of post mortem will find any genuine good from today, though. I’m not even going to try. I have eyes. What is important now is where we go from here. Wednesday night demands the mother of all reactions. Fingers crossed it comes. 

In the meantime, if Huddersfield and Rotherham would like to do us a favour then that would be good. 

Nick Bruzon

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Ivan not terrible. We hope.

Another win under the belt. Brentford chalked up a routine 2-0 over Coventry City that takes us to within two points of the p***-*ff positions in the embryonic table. At the half way mark to it having officially ‘taken shape’. The Bees are up to tenth and Ivan Toney has more than hit his groove. Another brace yesterday taking him top of the Championship goal scorer charts. With a tough run of fixtures coming up between now and Tuesday week – Sheffield Wednesday on, err, Wednesday, staying on the road to Stoke and then hosting Norwich City – we’ll have a much better idea of just how well Thomas Frank’s 20/21 incarnation of the team are adapting to Championship life. More importantly, with Toney being subbed off after suffering a shoulder injury, let’s hope its a case of Ivan not terrible when the teams for the game at Hillsborough are announced.

Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves though. First things first, the Coventry game. As feels like it is going to be the case for the next few months – at the very least – it was another one where we had to watch on i-follow.

The couch and the wide angle camera – where there was as much of the empty stand on our screen as there was pitch – making the best of the bad job inflicted on us by Corona virus. That said, would it hurt to zoom in a little bit?  Perhaps its just our tv and my shoddy eyesight but I was struggling to identify the players at times. Sergi’s new look hair (or lack of) not helping. Was this the result of a training ground prank / dare that went wrong?

Official published this one – where’s the hair, Sergi?

What we could see looked good. Domination in the first half and the combination of heavy touches, desperate defence and fine goalkeeping (Pontus must be cursing) keeping things level as Brentford took the game to our guests. At one point the stats read 12 shots, 4 on target and 6 corners to the Bees compared with 0, 0 and 0 for the equivalent from Coventry.  Bryan Mbeumo will perhaps rue one chance where he seemed to be clear before getting closed out whilst Ivan Toney has Sky Blues’ ‘keeper Marko Maroši on his toes early doors.

But we all know the old adage about balls in the back of the net being the only thing that counts. Just look back to the season opener at Birmingham City.  With no goal coming and Coventry finding their feet late on, it had all the trade marks of being a classic 0-1 Brentford reverse as the players came in for their half-time cuppas. 

Oh me of little faith. Boom. Another blistering start and there was to be no escape for the visitors this time. No repeat of the second-half debacle we’d seen last time out. Instead, Ivan Toney opened proceedings within a minute of the restart. Marcondes finding Bryan Mbeumo whose ball forward – seemingly neither cross nor shot exactly( if only there were a phrase for that)  – was diverted home by the free-scoring frontman. 1-0 and pressure off. 

Little less than ten minutes later, that lead was doubled. Marcondes instrumental again. This time getting the assist as his cross found the head of Toney who made no mistake from six yards out. The floodgates were starting to open. Sit back, pop another beer and enjoy the rout.

Sadly not. Coventry were made of firmer stuff and, once more, grew into it. Instead we had to be happy with holding on for a clean sheet and sweating on our players’ fitness. Rico Henry went down for a while whilst Toney was subbed off. His replacement the quite wonderful Marcus Forss but with our new man adjusting so quickly to Championship life, his presence will be vital over the coming weeks. Thankfully, Tomas Frank would confirm to Billy Reeves at full time that the injury was not serious but we’ll no doubt be waiting on further news ahead of the trip to Sheffield,  Wednesday.

Vitaly Janelt also came on for a debut and impressed from the off. With Matthias Jensen having his best game in a Brentford shirt for a while, it offers hope that the absence of Christian Norgaard is one which whilst not ideal by any stretch, could be absorbed.

I’m a happy man today. 2-0 is 2-0. It could have been more and we still look a little rusty in places. Yet Ollie Watkins’ loss has not become the on-pitch disaster it could have been. Perhaps some of us are scarred by remembering the attempts to replace Dean Holdsworth with Murray Jones, Philipp Hofmann picking up for Andre Gray or just the car crash that was Nick Proschwitz. Instead we have cash in the bank and goals flying in. The statisticians at the GPG produced an inserting graph (not a typo) last night – 

➡️@ivantoney24 off to a flyer this season. Way ahead of where Ollie was last season and will overtake Maupay with a goal on Wednesday v Wednesday. pic.twitter.com/YwAvsOYrG9

— Griffin Park Grapevine (@bfcgpg) October 17, 2020

What a way to illustrate how quickly Ivan has taken to life at this level. Ahead of Ollie and level with Neal Maupay, having played a game less than our much loved king of shithousery.

This is one game. But, as ever with Brentford, we take time to adjust. To find our feet. Look at how last season started compared to how it ended. In general, I mean, rather than those very last knockings. Move along, nothing to see there ! Once we hit our form, the Bees were unstoppable. At least until the game at Stoke City. Something something something p***-*ffs.  

We are gelling. We are winning. We’ve still got a league cup quarter-final to host, too. Let’s not forget the valuable wins picked up in that competition. Sheffield Wednesday away is as tough as it gets. Their own form has actually been better than ours, with only that 12 point deduction keeping them bottom of the table. They’re reeling in those around them already and will no doubt be desperate to get into ‘positive’ points as soon as possible. 

But we’ll be as keen to keep the goals coming. For David Raya to retain the ‘golden gloves’ he won last year. To get closer to the teams at the top of the table. I can’t wait for this one. If only to see how well we fare against a team whose home has been a less than happy hunting ground in recent seasons. Bring it on. 

Nick Bruzon

Is bruised banana the worst of football’s rotten bunch? Or just unfortunate?

Apologies in advance for a headmasterly (is that even a word?) introduction – we will get to the football shortly. However, it’s all been a bit lively on these pages in the last few days. And by lively, I mean really quite sad – certainly in terms of the commentary being posted by a couple of, alleged, Brentford fans in response to several of the columns and the subsequent opinions of other supporters who had taken the time to write in.

I know things are frustrating on the pitch at present but I’m absolutely baffled by the motivation of these two brave keyboard warriors dripping nothing but poison, schoolyard insults and unquantifiable jibes. Are they really that bored?

Actually, and you may not believe this, it doesn’t bother me personally. I’ve heard a lot worse over the years. But it may upset others. More importantly, I detest bullying and people whose agenda seems nothing but setting out to antagonise or try causing upset whilst hiding behind the facade of a false name and computer screen. Jealousy? Bitterness? Problems at work? Small penis? Who knows?

Regardless, the point remains that any contributor remains welcome. Just please be aware that insulting fellow supporters, accusing them of being a&$eholes (or worse), and making unfounded allegations of racism and homophobia, amongst other things, may well result in such posts being deleted. And I must apologise again for sounding all ’teacher’ but there’s been some pretty desperate stuff these last few days (most of which has now been removed).

But with that out of the way, back to normality. Of course, the International break has caused the cancellation of Championship football for two weeks and, being honest, options are slim for Wednesday night. Personally, I’m fortunate enough in having the Gibraltar v Liechtenstein game to look forward to but, this aside, there is meagre fare on offer.

Even then, the football isn’t a guaranteed. Mrs Bruzon has been threatening to use this perceived gap in the football calendar to catch up on the DVD collection. The thought of having to sit through Colin Firth or Hugh Grant’s greatest hits is one to make even Slovenia v Macedonia seem a more palatable option. The possibility of being force fed the pair’s ‘bumbling romantic’ routine in ‘Four weddings’, ‘Love, Actually’  or ‘Bridget Jones’ (that one’s more Firth than Grant playing the ‘slightly awkward around girls’ role))  is making me queasy.

Likewise, there’s only so much of that nonsense out of ‘Notting Hill’ I can stomach (although if anybody is ever in the area for real, The Porchester has a menu to die for).

Notting Hill – full of drivel. Give me football any day

So, instead, it’ll be a compromise of letting Mrs B. enjoy Hugh whilst yours truly starts work on the next few ‘kit obsessive’ articles for the official matchday programme. But with the Bolton game still two weeks away, there’s plenty of time to get those ready.

As such, I thought I’d look to recreate that column here – as a one time only ‘special’ . And not so much focussing on a specific opponent but, instead, the 91 other clubs that Brentford may find themselves playing subject to promoting or relegation.

With that in mind, just what are the ‘all time best’, ‘the worst’, the ‘classic away’ and ‘the unfortunate design’ amongst football shirts across the history of English football fashion? How do you reduce this down to four shirts and moreso, when the Bees aren’t included (for now).

The answer has to be one of just going with the gut. What is the first one that springs to mind? So without further ado, using no more scientific methodology than my own personal opinion, they are….

The best: Hull City. (made by Matchwinner). Home 1992-1993. Sometimes, words are just not enough. You can only admire the audacity and sheer, unadulterated, genius that saw Hull try to interpret their ‘Tigers’ nickname into the team’s playing kit.

But it wasn’t even discreet – the footballing equivalent of Bet Lynch (kids, ask your parents).

In probably the most iconic of all the Matchwinner designs (and they’re a manufacturer who have had some standouts) Hull went for a full on tiger stripe effect. This was less a subtle nod towards their nickname and more a no holds barred attempt to create one of the most loved/loathed shirts in football history.

Incredibly, Matchwinner’s contract was cancelled midway through the following season and awarded to Pelada. However, with the company refusing to hand over the design spec, their replacements had to produce a new version – a strange, brown affair that was very much the runt of the litter. Then again, how do you top perfection?

The best football shirt of all time

The worst: Coventry City. (made by Talbot Sports). Home 1981- 1984  There wasn’t much that Jimmy Hill didn’t try to innovate in football and his stint as Coventry’s Managing Director was no exception. Indeed, such was his creativity that he made Hull City AFC’s Doctor Assem Allam look like a rank amateur in the rebranding stakes.

1981. Coventry had just announced the football league’s first club sponsorship deal with local car giants, Talbot. Yet in an audacious bid to work around the (then) ban on shirt advertising, Hill tried to get the team renamed Coventry Talbot.

Not surprisingly, this move was rejected so, instead, he simply had a home shirt designed that featured their ‘T’ logo as an integral part of the design. Worse than that, he continued the design onto the shorts. It was immediately banned from television and consigned to football’s home of infamous design.

The worst ever kit?

The classic away: Coventry City. (made by Admiral) 1978-1980  Even now, I don’t know if this qualifies as being touched by the mark of genius or insanity. Whichever, you can’t deny it’s  eye catching.

The Admiral away kit from the end of the 70s shouldn’t work. Indeed, it is often voted as the worst kit of all time in supporter polls. Bedecked in chocolate brown with white piping that continued from the shirt all the way down the shorts, it really is an oddity. Yet one that is so odd it’s stunning. Genuinely . Even that most heinous of kit crimes, continuing the shirt design onto the shorts, somehow works here.

But with the bad also comes good

The unfortunate design: Arsenal. (made by Adidas) Away 1991-1993.  Affectionately dubbed the bruised banana, this mixes the traditional Arsenal yellow with a series of interlocking chevron stripes that make this one seem as though it belongs more at the bottom of a fruit bowl.

Personally, I think this banana analogy has always been a tad harsh If anything, this looks more like a plain yellow shirt that has been run over by a JCB and left a somewhat unsightly tyre print.

Tyre print? Rotten banana?

And if you’d like to read more… over the next month or so the match day programme still has kit obsessive articles to come on Bristol City, Cardiff City, Bolton Wanderers and, of course, Fulham.

Enjoy. Please. And if you don’t, just remember this is only a bit of fun.

Nick Bruzon

Is a draw enough with just two games left?

Well, that was all a bit of an anti-climax. After Ipswich Town and Wolves had shared the points with a 1-1 in the lunchtime game, and Derby County were doing their best to lose at Huddersfield (eventually getting a 4-4 draw), Brentford had an excellent chance to close the gap in the play off race. Instead, it ended up 2-2 as Bolton Wanderers were let back into the game via a defensive faux pas to match any of those we’ve seen this season.

Warbs would later describe this as, “A mistake, simple as that”, but what a howler…

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further on.

Bolton shirts – penalty area 51?

View from the terrace – Judge went close with a free kick before providing the assist (on both goals)

Set your watch by those sixtieth minute subs (although 66 is the most popular)

BBC viewers saw Clem at Ashton Gate for another draw

And Murphy must score…. 66 is the magic number

Just when the Championship couldn’t get any tighter, it does. As Brentford and Ipswich Town shared a point in their 1-1 draw to consolidate 6^th and 7^th (seventh) places respectively, defeat for Middlesbrough and draws for Watford and Derby (thanks to Clayton Donaldson’s late equaliser) mean that the top four teams in the table all have 66 points.

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further on.

Woofy McWoofington shows his true colours once more

BBC FLS viewers see Murphy set to pounce

Clem can’t make it 7 (seven) wins yet

Huge opportunity in promotion six pointer at Ipswich Town

Brentford travel to Ipswich Town today knowing that a victory will take us four points clear in the promotion places. And whilst there were to be no repeats of the week’s earlier favours from Leeds United when Bournemouth visited Fulham on Friday night, the opportunity for The Bees remains a stunning one to behold. We’ll get to the distasteful dilemma from Craven Cottage in a moment but can only begin at Portman Road.

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further on.

Sooty didn’t wait around to celebrate Jon Toral’s third against Blackpool.

Emerging from the prematch huddle on Boxing Day. Still 0-0 (for 19 more seconds)

Lots of goals. Lots of points. Lots of tickets.

What a Wednesday! Brentford fans were able to take stock of a stunning 4-1 victory over Huddersfield Town last night before then receiving great news from Fulham with the announcement of ticket allocation for next month’s derby game. We’ll get to Craven Cottage shortly but for those still in need of a recap from last night, Huddersfield were the latest to try their luck at Griffin Park against the free scoring Bees.

7 (seven) in the previous 2 home games (3-1 v Bournemouth and then 4-0 v Blackpool) have now become 11 in 3. A 4-1 victory was the least we deserved as Chris Long took just four minutes to get off the mark on his full Brentford debut.

His second, following fine work from Jota (how often has that phrase been used this season?) restored Brentford’s lead after Harry Bunn had given the Terriers brief hope. But if that goal reinstated Brentford’s supremacy in terms of goals, what was more amazing was how things remained level in terms of players.

Bunn and James Vaughan were both incredibly fortunate to avoid bookings after preening in front of the home supporters like a pair of coked up peacocks. The reaction from the Ealing Road was hardly surprising but justice was soon delivered.

Alex Pritchard made it three before midfield man of the moment, Jon Toral, followed up his hat trick from a week before with a smart strike from distance. Bunn, meanwhile, eventually found his way into the notebook although referee Kavanagh must have been suffering xanthophobia when it came to Vaughan. A number of cynical challenges were shown nothing more than an inconsequential talking to for the Town number 9.

The video highlights are now on YouTube

 

But a victory of magnitude does, in the cold light of day, make such anomalies almost an irrelevance. The key points to remember are another +3 in the GD column, a refreshing alternative up front and, most importantly, three more points as Brentford hit the play off spots once again.

And then the ticket news from Fulham was announced. An initial allocation of 4000 (with the option for a further thousand) means we’ll take up a fifth of the ground for the Bank Holiday game on April 3rd. As ever, full information is available on the club website and you can read that here.

As we saw last season at Leyton Orient, huge travelling support to a local derby can make a monumental difference.

Here’s hoping for a very Good Friday.

A day of strange, strange results keeps the table wide open.

Brentford’s 1-0 defeat at Birmingham City on Saturday was just one of many slip-ups from the teams in the Championship promotion mix. Only Watford could take advantage of defeats for Derby County and Middlesbrough (along with Bournemouth dropping two points at home to Blackburn Rovers) to make any progress up the table. And then there was Clem at Crewe Alexandra…

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further on.

.

Clem predicts how many points he’ll earn for Crewe (or is that a crafty ‘pick’?)

Warbs the loan arranger as Birmingham City await

Friday’s build up for Brentford’s trip to Birmingham City (we’ll get to that game shortly) was filled with all manner of news; and not all of it good. I don’t mean over at Charlton Athletic, where the story about a couple caught by security cameras having sex in the centre circle turned out to be nothing more than a cheap publicity stunt to promote pitch hire. The club owned up to this fact yesterday morning and so rather than hitting the (centre) spot, it seems the amorous couple had been faking their orgasms.

Fair play to them. You have to admire a club with a sense of humour and the ability to have a joke –

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further on.

Sam prepares to drive to Wycombe

From the best shirt to the worst – with a video nod to Eric

Over the last 13 months since this column has been running, our reader may have realised I’m somewhat of a Brentford kit nerd. A quick search of this site with the word ‘kit’ will also show pieces on what we, our Championship rivals (and beyond) have worn. Likewise, some of the quirkier efforts through the ages. Hull City AFC and their tiger stripes, the Coventry City T, Spanish broccoli, beer and octopus designs being some of the best.

However, whilst reading a thread on GPG this morning in regards to Brentford shirt, it suddenly dawned on me. I’ve written about our best ever home and, equally, away shirt. There’s also been a piece published on what are, in my opinion, our worst ever away tops.

But I’ve never completed the story by talking about my least popular home effort. Until now.

By and large, our home kit has generally been pretty good over the years and so to compile a top ten or even top five would be, largely, a pointless exercise. That said, two do stand out for me and both are from recent years.

In second place is the 2012/13 effort. On the surface, I really liked this. Thick stripes, a decent shade of red and even a solitary touch of black on the shoulder was a nice touch. Then you turned it over.

Where were the stripes? Not only had they been removed ‘due to football league regulations’ (that, seemingly, Sheffield United were able to circumnavigate) but they’d been replaced by a teabag. Whilst the front of this was standard shirt material, the reverse was some sort of perforated ventex effort. It meant our female fans had their bra straps on display whilst it gave all of us the chance of gaining a polka dot sun tan.

As for the stick on ‘Skyex’ sponsor patch. It was the first appearance of this much maligned piece of low budget kit design – a trend that has continued into the Adidas regime and blighted their, otherwise, sterling efforts.

2012/13 – Fantastic front but that horrible, horrible back. No stripes; just teabags

But that’s nothing, to me, on the previous season’s effort. 2011/12 is, in my opinion, the most awful of all the shirts we’ve ever had.

It’s not just that there are too many red stripes, relative to a classic Brentford shirt, yet not enough to bring it into the cult territory of the ‘funky bee’ 1989 centenary effort. Although that’s a poor start.

Then chuck in the black collars. They’re floppy!!? Think Eric Cantona, but after a few too many Kronebourgs.

The only point of a collar on a football shirt is so as you can stand it up – preferably just at the point of entering ‘Saunder’s territory’. Nothing is more likely to put the wind up the opposition than a midfielder with a known eye for goal, making this final adjustment before striking a free kick.

Cantona shows how a collar, if it has to be incorporated into a football kit, should be treated.

 

So we have too many stripes and a pathetic collar but the ultimate crime is the red shoulder patches and double black trim. Adidas have their famous three stripes, so Puma decide to copy this but go one less. Why?

It’s an awful choice and this entire upper makes us look like hotel doormen. Perhaps some people like it but, personally, I won’t even have this one in my collection.

Talk about Puma seeing out their contract in style. Or lack of .

2011/12 – Marcel Eger models my worst ever Brentford shirt