Tag Archives: day

When Mrs. Brown has the moral high ground, something is seriously wrong. Star Bores day is here.

4 May

Dear Star Wars fans.

This one’s for you (Brentford v Hull City can wait until tomorrow). Copy, paste and edit. A bit.

I love the same film series (Jar Jar Binks and Yoda aside) as you do and one day look forward to watching these with my son. I still have a Millennium Falcon toy somewhere in that attic although sadly, no original packaging. My now four year old son is being slowly sucked into the film series and is a huge Chewbacca fan. The naughty man still scares him. I’m a bit “m’eh” about the prospect of the forthcoming Han Solo film. Being honest.

As such, I guess I’m a fan. Of sorts. Not in the same ball park as the Roger Moore era of James Bond movies but still a fan. Watching ‘For Your Eyes Only’ last night (ITV4) I was blown away by he deadpan brilliance of the exchange:
“If we could identify that someone….”
“Why don’t you try the identigraph?”

Yet sadly, every year, something happens to make me fall out of love with these films a little bit more (not Bond, for the record).

Today is Friday the fourth of May. Or, as most sane people also know it, Friday the fourth of May. Perhaps the date is best remembered as the anniversary of the Cornwall railway bridge opening, linking Devon and Cornwall. If you need to commemorate the 4/5 at least make it for a significant reason.

Instead Sci-fi geeks and lovers of crap jokery everywhere will, no doubt, be bastardising the date and infecting my social media timeline with the hilarious, wait for it……. ‘May the fourth be with you’ comment.

May the fourth. Be. With. You. It’s funny because it almost sounds like a line from a film. How we laughed.
Even now, writing those horrible, horrible words, I can feel the vomit rising. The gag reflex building. The anger simmering. Not even Mrs. Brown and her boys would stoop to this level of ‘joke’. Probably.

MRS BROWN'S BOYS

How could this happen?

Please – I beg of you – it’s not too late. It’s not funny, it’s not clever, its not original and using this weak, weak pun does not make you into some 21st Century Oscar Wilde or Stephen Fry. It’s the sort of ‘joke’ used by people who find The Krankies or ‘Big Mouth Billy Bass’ ( ‘Take me to the river” – don’t tempt me) the height of cultural sophistication.

So this fourth of May, don’t play into the hands of the Star Wars Marketing board. If you really want to enjoy Star Wars then stick on Return of the Jedi, perhaps fast-forwarding through any Ewok related content.

Just don’t. Make. That. Joke.

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Nick Bruzon

With Alien Day seeing another entry to the pantheon of lame ‘jokes’ why not do something good instead?

27 Apr

No. Nooo. Nooooo. In space, no one can hear you scream. Well, sitting here home alone at 6.45am that’s exactly how it feels. It’s a rare foray away from the Brentford stuff today (albeit we’ve a Bees update at the end of this one). Indeed, upon waking there hadn’t even been an intention to write. Then I saw Twitter where something awful has happened. With the world’s weakest sci-fi/calendar related crossover joke still a week away, out of nowhere somebody has created a new one. Apparently today is Alien Day. Seriously.

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It has a Twitter emoji – this must be official

April 26th – Alien Day. Obviously. It even has its own Twitter emoji. But why? Why? Star Wars Day (truly, the most odious of social media gimmicks) at least has a tenuous connection. May the fourth being a hilarious spin on the famous line from the films whilst,simultaneously, being the weakest pun this side of an episode of Mrs Browns Boys. May the force/fourth be with you – how we laughed. Said absolutely no-one.

That’s bad enough, but at least there is another week to brace oursleves. Perhaps even activate the ‘mute’ filter.  Yet now, out of nowhere,  I’ve woken up to see my social media stream full of #Alienday. But what is the connection?

Well, in a no way marketing related spin (the new film Alien : Covenant is released next month) some bright spark has noted a an even looser connection than the Star Wars one. 4/26 – to put an American spin on the date – is almost the same as Planet LV-426 from the movies Alien and the wonderful sequel, Aliens.

That’s it.There isn’t even an attempt at wordplay. For Star Wars Day to have the moral high ground  – in the fact that at least anybody with a vague knowledge of popular culture might pick up on it – there must be something seriously wrong.

What next? 20th January: Space Odyssey day ? 1st March: Doctor Who day? August 29th: Terminator 2 – Judgement Day ? (Actually, I quite like that one).

Nobody will care. That’s fine. I just had to get this off my chest. Or, perhaps, out of it. D’oh!

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The new ‘day’ not at all marketing related. And yes, I’ve bitten

And relax. Getting back to Brentford, we’ll start to look at the trip to Fulham tomorrow. Until then, there’s a special request – and I apologise if I sound like a cracked record but it is music related.

The charity single Welcome home, King Jota is being deleted tomorrow. Time is fast running out to download this or give the video a spin on YouTube. In itself, as enjoyable given you get to immerse yourself in Mark Fuller’s video montage containing all number of Bees supporters in cameo roles aswell as, more importantly, a homage to the luxuriantly coiffured wing wizard.

All proceeds go to charity – the single is of course raising money for Cancer Research UK. This is the last time I’ll mention it in the short term so please go out and do your thing.

Billy Reeves, Adam Bluetone, Rich Hard-FI and a cracking tune could be yours for just a 79p donation to charity. You can get it here. Please do. And why not give that video, which is almost at an incredible 3000 hits, one more play?

Jota – genius

Nick Bruzon

Lewis will stay another day. How about Scott as Santa Saunds does his thing and FA get heavy

21 Dec

Well that was a day of seasonal good news. Brentford were very much in the festive mood as Lewis Macleod was given a contract extension despite his long term injury whilst down the road at West Middlesex Hospital, the squad were very much doing their own ‘Santa’ thing. Not so seasonal, but of equal interest to Bees fans, was the five match ban handed out to Jonjo Shelvey of Newcastle United for racial abuse. This, given a similar punishment suffered by our own Alan McCormack back in October.

First up though, the positive news. Brentford have shown many times how we look after our own. There  is the well documented way that Scott Hogan was treated during his own lengthy recovery period (18 months out) after suffering that awful injury just a few games into his Griffin Park career. First class medical treatment all the way and a contract extension were the order of the day as the club showed huge faith in a player who has since began to pay that back in bucketloads.

Scott’s goalscoring record is such that there is genuine worry amongst the Bees faithful we’ll be cashing in come January. He went on that stunning run towards the end of last season as he edged his way back to full fitness whilst now, only Dwight Gayle at Newcastle United sits above him in the scoring charts. Imagine those two together. Actually, don’t. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Then there was the contract extension offered to Jota as our talismanic midfielder (if Sam Saunders was Spanish….) was allowed to go back to Spain on loan, for personal reasons. Who could forget his letter to supporters at the time where he promised that , “This isn’t “goodbye” but more of a “see you later” ? Who could forget our own signal to the player in offering him a contract extension despite the fact he was moving away from Griffin Park – albeit a move that, despite our deepest fears, one still hopes remains a temporary decision.

And now Lewis Macleod has become the latest beneficiary of Matthew Benham’s backing of his players as the former Rangers man has been give a year’s contract extension which will see him tied to Griffin Park until the summer of 2019. This, despite like Scott at the time of his injury, barely a handful of appearances since joining the club and the youngster now facing a long period on the sidelines.

When the road to recovery must seem long and torturous, with no guarantees at the end of it, one can’t begin to imagine what a boost this faith in individuals must be. At a time when all around are getting on with what they do best – playing football – to see how much we value those on the sidelines and are prepared to make such a public statement of belief is a huge, huge thing. We’ve done it in thee past and no doubt will do it again.  Here’s hoping for a Hoganesque payback when Lewis is fully fit.

It was interesting, also, how he got into the festive spirit by emulating one time Christmas chart toppers East 17. The boy band, of course, occupying the penthouse suite at the hit parade hotel back in December 1994 with their ‘Stay Another Day’ single.

Despite being number one at Christmas, rather than an actual Christmas record in the vein of Slade, Wizzard, Coldplay or Shakin’ Stevens (whose own effort is not only the best Christmas song of all time but the best pop single. Ever), the band’s use of fake snow and furry parka jackets in the promo video now sees them embedded deep into festive culture. (See also: Frankie Goes to Hollywood – The Power of Love. Not a Christmas record yet still now considered one based upon the time of release)

As such, it was great to see Lewis getting involved with his own choice of seasonal attire at yesterday’s contract signing. As ever you can read the full story, with the proper photographs, on ‘official’.

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Next up, Sam Saunders. Can he do anything wrong? No, being the answer as the ever popular midfielder was amongst those who made the trip to West Mid to hand out Christmas presents to children on the Starlight Ward. The pictures and the comments from the players on Social media spoke for themselves and showed, yet again, just how much this club does for our own local community.

One can’t begin to think what it is like for these youngsters to be in hospital at any point, let alone during the Christmas season – a period that traditionally sees celebrations at home and time spent with friends and family over the prolonged school holidays. As such, a gesture of this nature is one that can only be very well received. Wonderful work from all at Griffin Park. Yet again.

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From the positive to the not so. The story of Newcastle United midfielder Jonjo Shelvey being given a five game ban for what is described as : “Aggravated Breach as defined in Rule E3(2), as it included reference to ethnic origin and/or race and/or nationality” is one that hasn’t gone unnoticed amongst our own support.

Of course, we have our own parallel with the five game sentence handed down to Macca back in October after he was found guilty of : Using abusive and/or insulting words towards a match official in the 52nd minute of the game against Cardiff City on 19 April 2016, contrary to FA Rule E3(1) . Moreso, given his offence was, “An “aggravated breach” as defined in FA Rule E3(2), as it included a reference to gender.

Back then this column wondered : This is a huge ban and if nothing else Alan would seem to be patient zero when the FA have decided to clamp down hard. Yet, also, they’ve now drawn a line in the sand which I’ll be very keen to see how strongly they enforce ongoing.

And here is your answer. Another breach of rule E3(2) and another five game ban. If players were operating in a new environment about what is deemed acceptable before, there can be no doubt now. Speak in such a manner towards officials or fellow pros – pay a very heavy penalty.

From an on-pitch perspective, it means Shelvey will be missing when Newcastle United come to Griffin Park for the televised game in January 16th. He’ll be a huge loss to the Magpies, if his performance on our own trip to the North-East was anything to go by. At one point it looked as though he was going to inspire a Geordie bracketing as the home team set off at 100mph, with the Bees caught cold in the starting blocks, and Shelvey providing ‘assists’ for fun.

I can’t pretend to take any pleasure from a story of this nature on a day of such seasonal goodwill. But, at the same time, it would be hypocritical not to realise what a helping hand it offers us. Knowing that Newcastle will be missing one of their danger men, and the architect of our own downfall last time out, when the battle of the Championship’s leading scorers takes place.

Still, all that is some time off. For now, we’ve got Christmas to look forward to and the hope that Scott is still a Bee by the time that game takes place. I’ve no doubt our faith in the player will be rewarded come January…..

Nick Bruzon

There’s a fine line between quirky and ridiculous

25 Jul

We will get to Brentford but first, Spanish football and the new Cultural Leonesa shirt. If you hadn’t heard of them before then don’t worry, nor had I, but they’ve certainly made a name for themselves with what is possibly the most ridiculous shirt ever.

I hadn’t planned on even giving this the time of day but, such is the impact it seems to have had amongst several of the ‘Last Word’ readership that perhaps I am alone in loathing this? For reasons unknown, they’ve chosen to go for a ‘comedy’ tuxedo-effect design.

Why???

Why???

Don’t get me wrong, I love a quirky kit and Spain seem to rule when it comes to these. This season has already seen splendid efforts from Deportivo Lugo – with their lager top (presumably a link to the sponsor) and the Octopus emblazoned fifth kit – although only room for two arms. Likewise, last campaign saw La Hoya Lorca scoop the honours with their broccoli inspired outfit.

At least those two teams were able to call on , albeit tenuous, links to their region’s heritage and sponsor but, short of an Andrew Sachs ‘Spanish Waiter’ tribute (and Leon’s not even that close to Barcelona) , I don’t get the Leonesa effort .

Quirky kits CAN work

Quirky kits CAN work

As ever, if in doubt take your lead from 007. I love the Roger Moore James Bond films but this pun filled rickshaw chase from Octopussy has to be proof that the Tuxedo and sport (tennis, in this instance) should never mix)

 

Getting back to TW8, this weekend see the first home friendly against Nice on Saturday. It’ll be great to catch the team in action at Griffin Park and then, the following day, to actually meet them.

Sunday sees the annual ‘Family Open Day’ where all the players will be in attendance. This is always a great event and you never know what will happen – last season a chance encounter with Buzz and Buzzette end up on the ‘family ticket’ flier.

Buzzette looking radiant, as ever

Buzzette looking radiant, as ever

The big draw this time round seems to be also centered around kit. Not only will the away shirt be officially launched (I’d still love the club to have gone for a ‘Blackburn style video’) but anybody wearing the new home shirt will have the chance to participate in one large team photo.

As yet, there’s no word on whether tuxedos will be allowed. I doubt it.

And if you can’t wait for the new season, why not catch up on the last one? ‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’ (The story of Brentford’s 2013/14 promotion campaign, amongst other football related chatter) – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from last season, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle / digital device.