Not even Michael Caine could have turned this around.

Well played Spurs. Let’s start right there. Brentford went down 2-0 on Tuesday to miss out on a place in the League Cup final against a quality side packed with more than enough talent to reach Wembley. Jose Mourinho went strong and was duly rewarded. Mind you, so did Thomas Frank with only Pontus Jansson missing from what could now be deemed his preferred starting XI. It wasn’t quite enough. The combination of defensive generosity, great finishes and the machinations of VAR being enough to see Tottenham through. They controlled the game, no doubt, but there was enough about the Bees to suggest this wasn’t going to turn out the foregone conclusion many expected. Manchester City play Manchester United this evening to discover who will contest the final. Luckily for both, they’ll be spared referee Mike Dean.

Urghh. What can you say about the controversial man in the middle? Personally, I was left thinking that this is how it would be if Keith Stroud did regular top flight action. Soft yellows given to Brentford. Robust challenges unpunished from the hosts. Josh Dasilva sent off for an accidental, albeit painful looking, foul on Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg. Understandable on review, even if without any intent. Yet it was the second half VAR controversy (words as intrinsically linked as ‘Mrs Browns Boys’ and ‘unfunny’) that left the sour taste in the mouth. 

By that stage Spurs were already ahead. A bright start from the Bees being stopped dead in its tracks with not even a quarter-hour played when Moussa Sissoko was given the freedom of the penalty box. Marking that took the social distancing guidelines to the letter of the law. The Tottenham man heading home with pleasure and Brentford on the back foot. The wind taken from our sails and containment the immediate next order of the day. A flurry of half-chances and no further breaches the best we had to show.

Half time came and went. The Bees back out with a spring in their step. Lucky shirts being worn back home were clearly doing their thing. Forget the ever closer Ivan Toney. The magic of Bryan Mbeumo. The I don’t know what of Mathias Jensen. The goal felt like it was coming and sure enough, it did….. Just after the hour who else but Ivan Toney was there to head home from close in!! TW8 erupted. The players celebrated. Game on. Echos of the quite magnificent Escape to Victory ringing in the ears… “We can win this!!”

Sadly though, we couldn’t. Michael Caine, Pele et al may have had a dodgy referee, physical opponents and superior opposition to deal with. We had, well all of that  – albeit without the dodgy acting – but also VAR. The much maligned tool alerting Mike Dean to the fact that the Championship’s leading scorer may have been offside as he guided the ball home. Indeed, after multiple replays Dean felt obliged to chalk off the goal he had already awarded. Toney’s fingernail being apparently ahead of the last defender’s heel and, as such, interfering with play as fell to his knees.

We quoted this one in last night’s post match immediacy. There’s no reason not to do it again. 

If this goal is given, not a single Spurs fan or player would have complained, because it’s not obviously offside. This is literally the opposite of why VAR was introduced. Wouldn’t have been a massive miscarriage of justice for Spurs. But it is to us. Absolute joke. pic.twitter.com/3ccVvxOKY9

— 🎅🏻 Matt 🎅🏻 (@mrperson77) January 5, 2021

Hey, its not Spurs fault and no sour grapes towards them. Does anyone really think we’d have complained had it gone the other way? Of course not. Yet this doesn’t make it any easier. Doesn’t make the game we love feel even further away from the thing of excitement and spontaneity that it used to be. Instead, the life has been sucked out of it with goals being tediously dissected by set squares and sub-millimetre thin lines on screen. Its not even close to being obvious. Its an absolute joke.

Spurs, of course, did what teams do in these situations, Remained calm, professional, well used to it. With Bees fans and players feeling the most tremendous sense of injustice, out hosts carried on as normal and within minutes had gone down the other end to double the lead. Son Heung-min bursting clear to leather one past David Raya. A top quality move and finish from one of the best players in the land. No complaints. No arguments. First class. Game over man. Game over.

There was still enough time for VAR to alert Mike Dean to the fact that he may want to give Josh Dasilva a red card. It was inevitable the second the replay was shown on the big screen. It made no impact to the outcome but does now mean he misses out on the FA Cup (who doesn’t though?) and the more important league games with Reading and Luton. Thomas will need to get his whiteboard back out and rejuggle for them.

Tottenham deserved it overall, even if that’s not how football necessarily works. Ultimately, it comes down to balls in the back of the net and we had that denied us in the most painful of circumstances. Thomas would talk about how proud he was at full time and I guess he’s right.

Yet thinking about it this morning, the overall feeling is one of genuine frustration that we haven’t beaten one of the best teams in the Premier League. That we have had the chance of victory, could have taken it, matched our opponents but were ultimately denied by external factors. That is perhaps what we should focus on. Nobody gave us a chance but we just carried on doing what we’ve done so far this campaign. Played our best combination against the team in front of us. And we ran them blinkin’ close. 

This was no trashing and whilst I don’t overly do the ‘plucky losers’ thing (nobody remembers, or cares about how unlucky the beaten team were) the feeling remains that we had enough about us to win this one. Had the breaks gone, then who knows. The experience alone could prove invaluable in or long term future. 

Jose Mourinho was adamant at full-time that we’d meet again next season in the Premier League. I think he’s right, too. In the short term then look positive. At least we can concentrate on the league.

Nick Bruzon

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There may be no football – but there IS still hope. Come on Sky…

We wrote yesterday about the suspension of football. About the horror of replacing Match of the Day with a repeat (natch) of Mrs. Brown’s Boys. About the potential permutations to deciding League placings after Fulham v Brentford became the first high profile casualty of football being suspended for three weeks. At the very least. Will Liverpool end their long wait for a Premier league title? Might Leeds United finally fall over the line and into the top flight? Could the BBC come to their senses in regards to scheduling?

All that (and more) is here. Do take a look. We’ll absolutely be trying to keep it light on these pages to try and find a way through the gloom. To keep things ticking over until some form of normality may return, whenever that may.

Ordinarily a period of self-isolation would be the perfect time to gorge on football. On cricket, rugby and any other form of live sporting entertainment. Yet the football family is suffering as much as anybody else with all activity on hold and, in all likelihood, going to conclude with somebody feeling dissatisfied. Instead of wall to wall live action to while away the time, the sofa is now being shared with the family. With Kirsty and Phil. Fiona Bruce and her antique chest. With Tom & Jerry, Smurfs and the Great Pottery Throw Down. Urghh (smurfs ; not the family).

Match of the Day and live coverage won’t be on again for a long time. Sky and BT have great gaps in their scheduling to fill and, presumably, the classic match packages and ‘story of the season’ will be on repeat. No bad thing but there is another way. There is a chance to bring back a Phoenix from the Flames (and yes, why not that, too).

Out of adversity comes opportunity. Not my words, but those of Benjamin Franklin. He had a point. Use the time to bring back Dream Team. Please.

It must still exist in a dusty vault. It has no doubt aged terribly but surely that would just add to the charm. We’ve spoken about this many times before and will no doubt do so many times again. Why wouldn’t we? It was magnificent. For all the wrong reasons.

Dream Team – Fletch is much missed

Running for ten series, the show was centred around the ongoing and progressively more outlandish events at fictional football club, Harchester United. Combining real life stadia  – Millwall’s ‘New’ Den played host to the exterior shots in later series – and action (often Leicester City, Chelsea or Everton but with the contrast turned up to make their blue shirts look like Harchester’s purple) the show was as loved for its crazy plots as the frequent use of celebrity cameos. From Ron Atkinson to John Barnes, even one time Brentford boss Steve Coppell had a go at channeling his inner Marlon Brando. It wasn’t good.

Ansah

Yet perhaps the most famous of these actors was another former Bee, Andy Ansah. Forget his later work on ‘Street Striker’ or numerous films and adverts though. For me his crowning glory was six series reciting variants of: ‘Get warmed up lads’ and ‘Alright, Gaffer?’ whilst playing himself, as the club’s first team coach.

The plots were riddled with more holes than our defence. Murder at the FA Cup final. The plane crash. The coach crash. The coach explosion at the Millennium Stadium. Goalkeeper Jamie Parker holding his team mates at gun point in the changing room. Liverpool (the real Liverpool) being linked in the papers with a £3.5 million swoop for Didier Baptiste back in 1999. Cue much egg on face when it transpired they weren’t actually bidding for a Monaco player but actually looking at a character from a TV show.

It was truly awful yet compellingly addictive. Sadly, the show was axed in 2007 yet many loyal fans still campaign for a return. In the short term, the Coronavirus induced suspension of football may be the perfect opportunity to remind us all how magnificent this was as we look to the future….

Richard Keys playing himself in Dream Team is the most Richard Keys thing ever. pic.twitter.com/kD3QlyoJWh

— George Clarke (@GLR_Clarke) January 3, 2018

One this all settles down, with Griffin Park around the corner from Sky HQ and the new stadium at Lionel Road, then what better time to bring this back with a progressive club filling the role of the new Harchester? They’ve used Watford. They’ve used Millwall. They’ve even used Brentford (albeit as part of the May 2007 Open Day when a Harchester United team played the Community Sports Trust at Griffin Park.

How about Brentford doing it again – for real ? If any show deserves a reboot, then Dream Team must be top of the list. If it worked for Doctor Who and Dallas (kind of) then imagine what could be done now. Come on Sky, the world of football demands it.

The other subject we touched on yesterday was Pele and Escape To Victory. Any excuse to see this one is always gratefully accepted. Now could be the time to go again. And beyond – there are plenty more football films out there.

If nothing else, like Dream Team, the 2018 film ‘Final Score’ shows the appetite for terrible football drama combined with ‘real life’ remains alive and kicking.  If you haven’t seen it as yet then please do. The Independent described it as “The most preposterous film of the year”. Things are bad when a movie doesn’t even go ‘straight to video’ but instead, ‘straight to sky movies’. Albeit, with a supposedly simultaneous big-screen release.

For those who may not be aware, season 2015/16 saw West Ham leave The Boleyn Ground (as the media insisted on calling a stadium they had only ever previously referred to as Upton Park) in a departure that was very much ‘blink and you’ll miss it’. I think it got the odd mention on Sky Sports over the campaign but don’t quote me on that. The denouement of their protracted exit saw supporters thinking demolition work had started early as a series of explosions ripped through the old ground back in June 2016. Infact, this turned out to be the filming of something I had promptly forgotten about until the aforementioned tweet crossed my social media stream.

Oh, my. Preposterous doesn’t even begin to touch the sides on this one. When it was released, Mrs. Bruzon and myself took the first opportunity to watch this shocker about a terrorist hostage-taking at The Boleyn Ground. A name they must have mentioned about a dozen times in the first half hour, in case anybody was in any doubt. All this happens in secret (don’t ask) and whilst West Ham are taking part in a European Cup semi-final against Russian outfit Dynamo FC. Count the number of things wrong in that last sentence alone. All the while, the hostage takers are searching out Pierce Brosnan, whose East European accent was even dodgier than his beard, whilst Drax from Guardians Of The Galaxy attempts to save both the day and the annoying daughter of a former army comrade whose death he feels responsible for.

Final Score – if Dream Team ever reached the big screen

Yet for every Escape to Victory and, to a lesser extent, The Damned United, Fever Pitch, Mike Bassett: England Manager, is a Green Street, a Soccer Dog (and the even weaker sequel, Soccer Dog: European Cup) or The Goal Trilogy. The football film is a veritable minefield of weak acting, poor script and overly laboured cliché.

Aside from Luis Figo doing ‘Just for Men’ (still got it, Figo) the only on screen football to transcend both good and bad is, perhaps, When Saturday Comes. It is a film so loaded with cliché it is fit to burst. Hard drinking park footballer Jimmy  – played by 37 year old Sean Bean  – eventually gets his break for Sheffield United after stuffing up his first trial before taking on Manchester United in an FA Cup semi-final.

It is a film so loaded with inaccuracy (an FA Cup semi at The Blades home ground, in the middle of winter, being just one of many) that you have to wonder just who gave this script the green light. And, of course, it is a film with Emily Lloyd displaying the worst Irish accent this side of Alan Partridge telling TV execs, “There’s more to Oireland, dan dis” .

Yet this underrated classic is so bad it’s brilliant. It goes beyond nonsense and into the realm of unintentional comedy gold. No mean feat for what, on paper, should be a complete car crash of a movie.

Still, it doesn’t touch the sides of ‘Hot Shot’ .  Pele, again. But this is no Escape To Victory. It’s one I’d never, ever heard of yet now seen, am giving serious consideration to tracking down if the trailer is anything to go by. The 94 second trailer features, amongst other things: temporarily washed up Pay-lay (that’s Pele to you and I), an up and coming hot head,  an 80’s synth pop soundtrack and a training montage.

A training montage ! A. Training. Montage. In a trailer ! How good must this film be that they can afford to offer up this most iconic of sequences in the teaser sequence?

Oh… My… word..

With a script that seems hammier than Joey Barton’s acting, the producers may aswell have just lifted it straight from the bucket marked , “One was a cop who played it straight. The other wasn’t afraid to bend the rules to get results. Yet, somehow, this unlikely pairing could just be the ones to crack the case and save the day ”

So times may be getting tough. We may all end up stuck indoors with nothing but each other for company. Yet some clever scheduling or use of the internet may still provide that much needed hit of sport relief.

Starting with Series One of Dream Team….

Nick Bruzon

 

On a day of incredible shocks, have we found a new ‘best worst ever’ ?

With no Brentford action over this weekend there’s no real Championship action to talk about today. Instead, there’s a flashback to yesterday’s column looking at the FA Cup and the best/worst of football films where, it would be fair to say, one has most definitely got away. First up though, Lincoln City and their incredible FA Cup win at Burnley.

What can you say? It was the archetypal cup tie and a captivating game from start to finish. Andre Gray and James Tarkowski were amongst those left looking very much non-league (please, stop sniggering) whilst Joey Barton’s second half collapse in the box was a piece of football acting so bad it made When Saturday Comes, one of the films under discussion in yesterday’s column,  seem positively Shakespearean in comparison.

Here’s hoping the FA take some retrospective action. It was a terrible example for any young children who may have been watching etc etc etc and a chance missed by the BBC. Whilst, rightly, focussing on Lincoln’s incredible triumph Barton was mostly glossed over. Whilst he was discussed, his antics would be described on Match of the Day as “Just Joey’s game” – see also, his shove in the face of Terry Hawkridge.

It may be “Just Joey’s game”. It’s not the FA’s, though. Old habits seemingly just can’t go away as the whole sorry performance was glossed over. No irony has been lost today with this tweet subsequently resurfacing.

What a performance from Lincoln. How nice to be talking about City rather than Red Imps of Gibraltar on these pages. And what a disaster for Burnley. If only they’d played like that when Marinus took Brentford to Turf Moor last season. Come to think of it, the way we played that day, we’d still have gone down .

Turf Moor last season. Any excuse to crowbar this one in – love that unicorn

It was a wonderful cup upset with another one appearing on these very pages. One of those rare instances where yours truly has actually called something correctly. It won’t last although, whilst I’m on something of a streak, let’s tempt fate and back Brentford to beat Sheffield Wednesday on Tuesday night.

The other topic under discussion yesterday was the portrayal of football on screen. The good, the bad and those efforts which crossed over into both camps. Yet one was missed. One I’d never, ever heard of yet now seen, am giving serious consideration to tracking down if the trailer is anything to go by.

Big thanks to supporter Marc Loewenthal for sharing, this : Hot Shot.

Coming soon. To a betamax near you

The 94 second trailer features, amongst other things : temporarily washed up Pay-lay (that’s Pele to you and I), an up and coming hot head,  an 80’s synth pop soundtrack and a training montage.

A training montage ! A. Training. Montage. In a trailer ! How good must this film be that they can afford to offer up this most iconic of sequences in the teaser sequence?

With a script that seems hammier than Joey Barton’s acting, the producers may aswell have just lifted it straight from the bucket marked , “One was a cop who played it straight. The other wasn’t afraid to bend the rules to get results. Yet, somehow, this unlikely pairing could just be the ones to crack the case and save the day ”

Nice one , Marc. And thank you.

Good luck Lincoln City in Sunday’s draw. As for me, I’m looking forward to Sheffield Wednesday on Tuesday.

Can Brentford bounce back?

Nick Bruzon

Brentford draw, Swansea and Palace get Santa’s sack and 2016 is summed up in one tweet. A week (and a bit) in football – The Good , The Bad and The Ugly.

A bit late this week, or is it on time? The Christmas schedule always puts the calendar somewhat out of sync. Half way through the campaign and Brentford drew 2-2 with Cardiff City to shore up what is now looking like a mid-table season. At the top, Brighton’s fourth win on the bounce (this time over relegation bound QPR) saw them overtake Newcastle United in the battle to top the table. And at the other end Rotherham , Wigan and Blackburn Rovers occupy the relegation slots.

That’s the latest Championship action in nutshell. With double bank holidays throwing the calendar into confusion (today being Wednesday, I think) there has been so much more going on in the division and beyond. In the latest edition of our regular, weekly-ish feature  – we look back at those things you might have missed from the world of social media.

And, as ever, we start at Griffin Park where there isn’t a huge amount to add off a game where referee Simon Hooper dominated affairs. A shame, as it meant that first time around  we were denied moments such as this…..

When @TomField9 drops the double nutmeg #Brentfordfc #FL72 pic.twitter.com/yPD7PPBASd

— Dave Johnstone (@DmrJohnstone) December 27, 2016

Meanwhile, in the first of a Tom Moore double…. does he know something about Dean Smith that we don’t? Or do Get West London need a new pictures editor?

Tom has been keeping himself busy as he’s been covering events at hapless QPR, too. With the not so super hoops slithering down the Championship table to sit just three points above the drop zone, one can only imagine Ian Holloway is starting to shuffle uncomfortably in his own managerial hot seat. It only seems like a few months ago that he was tipping Brentford to be relegated whilst suggesting the Loftus Road outfit (currently 20th) would end the season 11th.Not that anybody will remind him of these in May….

A bit higher up the table, Gianfranco Zola has immediately rewarded the decision of the Birmingham City board to sack Gary Rowett.

This, something also picked up on by BBC man Phil Parry.

Lower down the league ladder, one can only rejoice in the fact that there’s an equally big fall out from a spot kick strop as Brentford suffered after ‘that penalty’.

In the Premier League, it was less Santa’s sack and more a managerial one. Or two. Bob Bradley was relieved of his duties at Swansea City whilst Sam Allardyce took over from Alan Pardew at Crystal Palace. It was nice to see worlds collide….

Brad Bobley's best moment was this pronunciation of Alan Pardew pic.twitter.com/KHJt9mw2lO

— Chris (@chrishorricks31) December 27, 2016

Big Sam was the instant source of further questioning following his appointment.

Although there can’t be any chance of Mr Pardew being out of work for too long.

Meanwhile non-league Bungay Town were quick to jockey for position despite Ryan Giggs being named as odds on favourite for the role at Swansea…

Getting back to matters on field in the top flight, Arsenal continued to display their ambition.

Leicester City took protests about Jamie Vardy’s suspension to another level.

The day after Boxing Day (Tuesday?) saw Liverpool v Stoke City in the televised clash. Despite the Potters having taken a deserved lead, normal service was resumed in some style.

The visiting manager refused to bend from his principles.

Principles which, once reminded of, deserve a repeat viewing just to remember how short ‘short’ shorts were back in the day.

But it wouldn’t be the festive period without a traditional Christmas message from the Queen.

Or in the case of former Everton ‘keeper Neville Southall, an untraditional one.

And there was a Christmas blast from the past.

Although, ultimately, you could sum up the period (and 2016 as a whole) in one tweet.

Finally, as ever, we close with Ian Moose and his birthday friend of the week. Which of his good friends from the world of football did the Talksport DJ wish happy birthday to, via the medium of a Twitter post and picture of them together?

Given it is a period that included December 25 I was half expecting to see him pose with Jesus. However, having checked the little book of footballing birthdays Manchester City’s Navas was born on November 21st.

Instead, this week his ‘good friend’ is none other than former Bee Chris Kamara .

Nick Bruzon 

The Last Word On….

With Championship action back on the agenda, Ipswich Town are next up for Brentford. As such, we have the first in a new regular feature about our forthcoming home opponents :  The Last Word on….  Much like ‘kit obsessive’, which will also return ahead of most home games, this features a series of regular questions/ categories about the visitors with the results picked using no more scientific criteria than personal taste. With apologies for any glaring omissions (and to sensitive Manchester United supporters) here is: The Last Word on…..Ipswich Town

The Brentford connection (he’s played for both) : It can only be Jonathan Douglas, surely? What about Nicky Forster ? Marcus Bent, maybe? Who could forget Icelandic demigod Hermann Hreidarsson ?

But no, my choice goes to Jay Tabb.

Part of my all time Brentford XI (Szczesny, O’Connor, Evans,  Hreidarsson, Grainger, Paul Evans, Forshaw, Sinton, Tabb, Holdsworth, Blissett),  the Bees picked him up in 2000 after being released by Crystal Palace. The wing wizard went on to make 128 appearances, aswell as earning 10 Ireland U-21 caps, culminating in the doomed play off campaign (is there another type?) against Swansea City in 2006.

The ever-popular Tabby left for (then) Championship Coventry, has since tasted top-flight football with Reading before making just shy of 80 appearances for Ipswich Town.

Tabby in action for the Bees

The Brentford encounter (noteworthy game with the Bees): It is only in recent seasons where our paths have crossed with any form of regularity – certainly in my lifetime. As such, I’m going for the opening game of last season’s Championship campaign. With Brentford fans getting their initial taste of life under Marinus Dijkhuizen it also marked our first game without Jonathan Douglas – the new head coach having immediately released him from his duties at Griffin Park.

Where else but Ipswich Town would be his next destination as the Tractor Boys, with the former Bee on the bench, swept into a two goal lead despite an appalling playing surface that would quickly adopt the pitchgate monicker. Just twelve minutes remained as Dougie entered the (ploughed) field of play with the score still set at 0-2.

This was still sufficient time for Douglas to both break Jota in an ‘accidental’ challenge that would see the ever popular Spaniard miss out for the next few months and oversee a near certain victory turn into a draw. Goals from Andre Gray and James Tarkowski in the heart of Jota time rescuing a 97th minute point for Brentford.

Favourite son  (their most famous former player) : For the casual observer, there can be only one choice. Famous names from the Ipswich Town’s heyday include those such as Frans Thijssen, Arnold Muhren and Mick Mills.

However, for me it has to be John Wark. Voted the club’s all time cult hero in the BBC’s 2004 poll, who am I to disagree? A Scottish international, he was their player of the year 4 times in 6 seasons over a career that encompassed three spells from 1975 to 1996. With FA Cup and UEFA Cup winner’s medals in his cabinet (not to mention acting honours) there can be no other.

Famous fan: Ipswich have a few. Their director’s box is a veritable ‘who’s who’ of the rich and famous.Tom Chaplin from Keane, Charlie Eyebrows from Busted. Brian Cant. Yes, THE Brian Cant. Let’s hope The Tractor Boys don’t play away as wonderfully as the voice of TV’s Trumpton (kids, ask your parents).

But perhaps the biggest of all is Chester Bennington from U.S. rockers Linkin Park. Supposedly introduced to the club  by his father (a police office who had become friends with a fan from Suffolk one holiday) he has been pictured in the team colours  although it would seem he is yet to actually attend a game.

Presumably, if he did rather than sitting on the side you’d find him… in the end

Bennington. A Tractor Boy, apparently…

Best ever league performance: There are sure to be plenty but one sticks out in particular for me. A top flight destruction of Manchester United by a staggering 6-0. That’s one short of brackets.

Back in March 1980 Bobby Robson’s boys, inspired by Town’s Dutch duo of Arnold Muhren and Frans Thijssen, destroyed a Manchester United side whose fans were left sining “We want 7(seven)”. Who doesn’t?

It could have been worse but for Gary Bailey in the United goal. The Red Devil’s ‘keeper saving three penalties, one of which had even been retaken.

It’s here, in fuzzy 80’s pixel vision

Moment of ignominy :4th March 1995. Roles were reversed. And then some. Manchester United setting a Premier League record for the largest winning margin as they humbled Town 9-0. Those beautiful brackets were achieved in little over an hour as they almost made it to double figures. Incredibly, less than 44,000 were present at Old Trafford for this one. How times have changed (or perhaps Season ticket holders were just impacted by trouble on the line up from Guildford).

Manager of the century ( most famous / popular manager) : There is only ever one answer to this question – the legend that is Sir Bobby Robson. In charge at Portman Road from 1969 to 1982, he took his club to the brink of the top flight title with a win ratio of close to 45% over this 13 year period.

Double silverware came with the 1977-78 FA Cup and the 1980-81 UEFA Cup before he left to take on an eight year spell in charge of the England team that culminated in that World cup semi-final heartache against Germany .

All time high ( the club’s defining achievement): You could pick any of the victories or cups noted above but, for me, Ipswich Town have a much bigger and totally unique place in football history. Specifically,  their representation in the film Escape To Victory.

This, a regular entrant to my all time ‘top ten’ films and one of that rare breed to successfully straddle the twin themes of football and WW2 POW camp escape

The aforementioned Wark appears (naturellement). As does Russell Osman, Robin Turner, Kevin O’Callaghan and Laurie Sivell. In addition, body doubles Kevin Beattie and Paul Cooper filled in for Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone during some of the ‘match action’ scenes.

John Wark and Pele. Together. Only in Escape to Victory.

We can win this…..

Nick Bruzon

From Bees to Bristol via Manchester United. Less X factor, more cringe factor

It’s that time of year. New shirts are being released and, as yet, Brentford are yet to indulge the fans. That’s fair enough although it does leave the kit obsessives amongst us desperate for any nugget of information we can find as to next season’s kit. Whilst looking around the Internet for clues I stumbled across something from Bristol City. And it’s not good. Not good at all. Plus we’ve got part 2 of the Manchester United / X-Men story….

Apologies in advance to any Robins fans who may see this. It is, relatively, ‘old news’ but a story that had eluded me. Likewise, it would seem, the majority of Brentford fans.

City released their new shirt at the end of last month and the design has not been met with favourably. Whilst many fans were hoping for a return of the classic ‘Robin’ badge from the 80s, instead they got hastags. Two of them.

In a triumph of marketing gone mad over sanity, the new Bristol City shirt features the inspirational phrases : #MakingBristolProud and #BristolCity embroidered into each shoulder.

This really is a thing

Nobody needs another lecture from me on football clubs failing to embrace / understand appropriate use of Twitter. Simple utterance of the phrase #Novemberkings should tell you all you need to know about this most cringeworthy of topics.

Yet City have taken it to a new extreme. They’ve woven this most sorry of social media phenomena directly into the very fabric of their being. And it’s awful.

The obvious worry is that other clubs will follow suit. We all know that Brentford have used hashtags (the wonderful #BeeTheDJ aside) with what we’ll politely call less than positive fan reaction in the past. Surely we wouldn’t go this far?

The Last Word art department have mocked up how this might look. Just in case anybody was considering that it might be a good idea.

Could we? Should we? No. Please, no!!

If Mark Devlin, Matthew Benham or Kitman Bob are reading (unlikely, but…) please put us out of our misery. Show us your kits. Please. If nothing else, I wouldn’t mind buying one for the summer holiday.

The other thing to catch my eye yesterday was what has been described as the most embarrassing thing to come out of Manchester United since that security firm had the incident in the toilet.

Following on from Tuesday night’s X-Men crossover, which involved the Old Trafford club body painting their child mascots blue, they’ve gone again. Specifically, with a video described by Telegraph football as: Wayne Rooney acting in an X-Men trailer will be the most cringeworthy thing you see today.

And they’re not wrong. Yet. Yet.Yet, This is so bad it’s actually brilliant. For those who revel in those wonderful moments when the worlds of football and acting collide we now have a new addition to the list.

Of course, nothing could ever top ‘Escape to Victory’ , Luis Figo’s ‘Just for Men advert’ or even the simple act of Eric Cantona raising his collar before sending Nike’s minions back to hell (also Figo, for the record…).

Rooney’s wooden exclamation of “Bloody Hell” isn’t in the same ball park as Cantona’s “Au Revoir” or men like Figo who never give in to grey (“still got it”). But compared to the ‘proper’ actors around him, dreadfully trying to crowbar the names of his Manchester United team mates into a ‘scene’ from the new movie, Wayne comes across with the gravitas of Morgan Freeman.

It’s bad. Very bad. Yet compelling. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s below. But we’ve also got Eric, just to restore some sanity to proceedings.

Wayne – perhaps better picking punditry over acting.

Now THIS is how to act.

And finally, as ever, The Last Word ‘season review’ : Ready. Steady. Go Again and the three year anthology : The Bees are going up remain available for download.  Should anybody want to go over this nonsense and relive these moments once more then you can do so now.

It has been a stunning few years. Here’s to more of the same.  We may have had a few lows (something about a penalty, the football village, the FA Cup, the pitch, the Marinus experiment) but there have been plenty more highs as the Bees made an unexpected challenge for the Premier League.

Thank you again for reading.

Nick Bruzon

 

 

 

Can we just go straight to Plan B?

Mark Warburton may have a Plan B up at Rangers (I don’t know, I don’t follow the Scottish Championship that closely) but he famously didn’t have one at Brentford. Marinus, on the other hand, does but as Sheffield Wednesday left Griffin Park with all three points yesterday, Brentford fans were left wondering why Plan A doesn’t seem to be working.

For the seventh time in eight league games we fell behind before, as we did last Saturday, stepping up our game considerably in the Second half. But unlike the game against Preston, where we stormed back to a 2-1 win, this time it was Sheffield Wednesday who achieved that scoreline – a 90th minute goal on the break from Lucas João being the ultimate difference between the two teams.

View from the terrace. The HT show from Buzz was the most we had to celebrate ….at that point

We can take positives from the way the team played for the majority of the second half, despite being down to ten men. The penalty awarded for James Tarkowski’s foul on Atdhe Nuhiu with less than 40 minutes on the clock saw the giant centre forward stroke it past David Button as well as, eventually, earning a red card for the fit again centre back.

It was a strange decision (the sending off, I mean). Indecisive referee Geoff Eltringham allowing himself to be harangued by Wednesday players before consulting a linesman who, eventually, helped him come to the decision of ‘straight red’. This, despite Jake Bidwell clearly being the last man back between Nuhiu and the goalkeeper.

Nuhiu is the sort of player you’d love in your team. Physical, huge presence and a proper nuisance. And he knew the way to goal – seeing an earlier effort come back off the bar. He went to ground very easily on more than one instance yet Eltringham saw nothing wrong in his game to warrant even a talking to, let alone a yellow, at any point.

Still, if Brentford went in a man and a goal down, they did everything to start fighting their way back into the game. Jack O’Connell had a stunning effort at the back with a number of perfectly timed tackles and challenges. It was a shame he was the unfortunate man in the wrong place at the wrong time for 2-1 as Brentford were exposed, pushing for a late winner.

Likewise, Josh Clarke at right back looked very impressive, especially bringing the ball out of defence. I’d be very interested to see him playing ahead of Alan Mac at some point, with the midfielder returning to that defensive role he’d made his own in the past.

With the Bees pressing, a goal seemed likely and finally it came – from the most unlikely of assists. David Button pushed almost to the half way line to curl a cross-field ball to Alan Judge. It was an exquisite delivery from a ‘keeper whose distribution has been lambasted in the past but the execution from Judge was even better.

A perfect trap and then shot across the goal into the far corner sent the crowd wild. Even the club staff celebrated that one to a fanatical level – a moment captured by the Football League Tonight and Beesplayer cameras.

Alan launches himself at ecstatic fans….

…having administered a deadly blow to Sheffield supporters

At 1-1 and pushing it looked as though Brentford might snatch a winner that, in the first half, had been the last thing anybody expected. Instead, when the more prudent amongst us might have reverted to Plan A and locked things up to get an unlikely point, we went for it. You can’t knock Marinus’ desire and moreso with Wednesday also down to 10 men at this point.

But with the Bees in the Sheffield box, the ball broke and once Lucas João had picked O’Connell’s pocket, not even the Herculean David Button had sufficient strength to hold back the last minute one-on-one.

It was a bitter blow and moreso, having been given the hope of a route back into a game we had no chance of being anywhere near on the first half showing. Bees stat guru Luis Melville nailed it on twitter late last night with this very telling observation:

Luis’s stats remain ‘the bomb’ (that’s a good thing, I believe)

The positive is a chance to get straight back into action on Tuesday night against a Birmingham City side that hasn’t won in three (and went down at home to Rotherham United yesterday). The negative is that we haven’t really got a huge element of team choice, given the injury crisis and suspension for Tarks. Will the players have enough in the tank for another 90 minutes – moreso, against a team containing a few familiar faces in Jon Toral and Clayton Donaldson?

Away from Griffin Park, the Pele cup took place at the training ground. The great man himself was, indeed, at Jersey Road where Cliff Crown was amongst the fortunate few to meet him. Hopefully they just discussed football, football, football (and, perhaps, Escape To Victory) rather than Pele’s foray into TV advertising. I would.

A moment I never thought I’d see – Pele and the Brentford chairman.

And then I did it. Football League Tonight. I sat through the full 90 minutes. Or should that be, stood.

Having previously given the show a good kicking on it’s debut (one which, for the record, I still stand by) it’s been pleasing to see the gimmicks fall away and, over the weeks, Channel 5 giving us a more traditional ‘highlights package’. So when the opportunity came to be an audience member, it seemed churlish to turn it down.

Being honest, I’m impressed. What we tend to take for granted is that this is a live show. Given how soon it is transmitted after the action ends, there’s no real choice but despite the problems they suffered in the opening weeks, fair play for sticking to that element. Moreso, with the ‘random’ element of an audience.

Not as bawdy as Soccer AM but sufficiently different from the Football League Show, they have now fused the better parts of each programme. Kelly Cates is definitely the show’s shining star and the chemistry from George Riley is growing.

The audience interview still seemed a bit stilted (then again, that could just be the price you pay for talking to MK Dons fans) although I do like the idea of this quick snapshot from the ‘regular fan’ aswell as the players – Barry Bannan of Sheffield Wednesday being the man brought in to admit, small consolation, that his team and been lucky to get the win.

As for Adam Virgo – I’m still not sure what to make of him. Part footballer, part Clem, part geography teacher. He’s no Leroy (still my favourite pundit from Manish’s Football League Show) but then again, he’s no Steve Claridge and is looking a lot more confortable in the role

Does it beat the Football League Show? No, not yet. Then again, football highlights shows have been in such a set style for so long that it is a format we’ve had drilled into us. You can’t knock Channel 5 for attempting to break from the norm and, moreso, acknowledge that their initial attempts to do so were somewhat OTT.

Will I watch again? Absolutely. Many of the previous gripes have been ironed out and Kelly, especially, did a great job (catching George with one particular zinger about his age and Top of the Pops). Ultimately, the show gives us what we need – the highlights, in order, with a number of extended games.

It’s just a shame that, with more focus on Brentford, we didn’t see the Bees pick up any points. Still, there’s always Tuesday. It won’t be easy and, being honest, I’m anxious.

Then again, Griffin Park under floodlights is a magical place and, IF we can start that one like we ended this one (the goal aside!) then who knows what could happen….

Mark Burridge certainly enjoys the Judge strike (along with the rest of the video highlights)

Nick Bruzon

Can Pele inspire Brentford or will Wednesday escape to victory ?

Brentford fans were given the chance to warm up for the weekend football ahead of the game with Sheffield Wednesday by enjoying Friday night’s derby between Fulham and Queens Park Rangers. And we’ve got a visit from footballing (and cinematic) royalty today, kind of…

But beginning at Craven Cottage, it really was one of those awful yet compelling choices. Our two local rivals going head-to-head with no way that both could lose. Whilst, ordinarily, you’d hope for a red card laden 0-0 in this sort of game, if one side has to win then at least it’s nice to see the other on the back end of a spanking. And what a thrashing was administered as Fulham ran out 4-0 victors.

The Rangers website described it as “another night to forget for QPR at Craven Cottage” although I much preferred Bees fan and Bluetones’ guitarist Adam Devlin’s take on things:

Adam shares what we were all thinking

There was a debatable/condescending (delete as applicable) point made in the Sky commentary that it was, “The great West London derby” alongside the semi-apologetic caveat “with all due respect to Brentford”. Anybody with half an eye on football knows full well that the phrase ‘with all due respect to’ means anything but. A polite way of saying,”we are miles better than you ”.

Aside from my own loyalties to the Bees, a half full away end and a crowd of 19,784 compared to the 23,271 present for our own game in April suggest otherwise. Those visiting supporters who did travel provided all the excitement of a children’s magic trick as the TV coverage suggested a somewhat muted atmosphere. This was less,”The great West London derby” and more ‘The Great Soprendo’ (kids, ask your dads).

On the plus side, at least Fulham now know what it feels like to score four goals at Craven Cottage.

The stats don’t lie….

And so on to all matters Sheffield Wednesday. Not that there’s too much to say at the moment. Brentford supporters will, hopefully, have been buoyed but the updates from the management team during the week at the fans’ forum, along with the news that one of the dirty dozen (that’s the injury list) is due to return. Marinus confirmed on Thursday evening that James Tarkowski was over the knock that had kept him out of the game at Middlesbrough and the win over Preston North End in our previous outing.

The visit of Wednesday is the second of three home games in a row for the Bees and a victory today, whilst by no means a guarantee, will take us to exactly the same position as we were in last season – 11 points after 8 games. It would take us past our opponents, level with Fulham and just one point off QPR (and the teams currently in the play offs) with a game in hand.

Whilst it is still a bit early into the campaign to make an informed decision on our prospects for the season overall (only after ten games can we say that the table has ‘taken shape’) today would seem to be the perfect example of – cliché alert – taking every game as it comes. The short-term rewards for a win are tangible and some which should, one would hope, add to the already charged atmosphere at Griffin Park.

And finally. Pele. To many, the greatest footballer of all time. To me, moreso. The greatest footballer of all time abut also the greatest footballer-cum-actor who starred in the quintessential ‘football/POW escape’ crossover movie, Escape To Victory.

I’ve waxed lyrical about this film, many times so will spare the regular reader another lecture – suffice to say it comfortably nestles in my all time top ten films alongside the likes of ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’, ‘Star Wars’ and the Vin Diesel classic ‘xXx’.

Pele – a footballing and acting giant

So imagine my excitement to read on the official site that he will be the guest of honour at the training ground today for the Pelé cup. This, as the club have announced, being “A special tournament honouring one of the world’s greatest ever players and featuring some of the best up-and-coming talent in Europe.”

Sadly, they then went on to announce that this tournament is, “Behind closed doors and strictly no admittance.”

I have to be honest, initial feelings were of immense disappointment. Why plaster this news all over the cub site on a Friday afternoon but then make it clear we couldn’t come along without prior arrangement? A footballing demi-God will be walking amongst us, just not the supporters. Were they worried we might witness the latest round of the training ground injury jinx?

It seemed to be the equivalent of that moment on TV’s Bullseye during the show’s finale – The Gamble. The competing couple had stuffed it up. The cash, the ‘Bendy Bullys’ and the washing machine or decanter set from the prize board had all been frittered away in pursuit of a speedboat.

Then Jim Bowen would give the ultimate kick in the nuts and utter the immortal lines, “I hate to do this to you, but let’s look at what you could have won”.

Out would come the obligatory boat, but there was no way anybody was getting near it. In footballing terms, Pele is within our grasp but strictly ‘off limits’.

Bullseye – another pair try to win Jim Bowen’s speedboat

Thinking more about it this morning, I can only imagine the security nightmare that an open house ‘meet and greet’ with Pele would have caused. Our stewards are indifferent enough as it is at times on matchday, let alone with an undetermined number of people turning up unannounced at Jersey Road. Equally, this could have been as much at his request as the clubs.

That said, there are ways and means of saying things. Why share this exciting news but then make it clear in such blunt terms that we aren’t welcome? Moreso, given the open house policy we’ve all become so used to in the past.

Of course the club are going to want to share such news this but there are ways and means. If you are going to big up this sort of news, at least explain why it is being done in private or why not even have held a competition to allow a few supporters along?

Being honest, given our game with Sheffield Wednesday I can only imagine the climax of the tournament would cut across this anyway. Whilst the thought of meeting Pelé is, of course, an incredible one I’d rather be at Griffin Park with my friends.

Instead, I will simply remain in awe of the great man, think about ‘what might have been’ and perhaps crack out ‘that’ DVD once more.

A goal to rival the ‘Ossie flick’

Nick Bruzon

Will Dougie escape to victory? (as Uwe does Dallas)

And so the inevitable has happened with Stuart Dallas joining Leeds United from Brentford. The undisclosed fee of £1.25m (allegedly) represents tremendous value for Leeds if all goes to plan for the Elland Road outfit. Then, of course, there’s Jonathan Douglas signing for Ipswich Town. The same Ipswich Town we open the Championship campaign against on Saturday.

First up, Stuart. All I can say is good luck (genuinely) and thanks for all the memories. Talking to the Vital Leeds blogsite earlier, I couldn’t help but be drawn back to that game at Fulham back in April. I’ve never seen a ball hit the way Stuart leathered it from 25+ yards out to the top corner. What a screamer, what a crucially important strike and what a place to do it.

To read the rest of this article, season 2015/16 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full, as :   Ready. Steady. Go Again. : Brentford FC season review 2015 – 2016

Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, it’s the annual clean up to make more space on the site for the inevitable follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further along.

But wait, like all the best infomercials, there’s more. The last three seasons of the Last Word : Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup; Tales from the football village and Ready. Steady. Go Again are also available in one combined volume as: 

Brentford Football Club – The Bees are going up. Season reviews: 2013/14, 2014/15 & 2015/16 

We did. And we still are ! 

Its all about the kit, man. And the Bees.

Nick Bruzon

Dear BBC. Please don’t do it, however good the cause

Brentford haven’t even faced this Friday’s trial by TV against Gillingham yet already our next ‘on air’ encounter has been announced.

Not surprisingly the visit to, current, League One top dogs Leyton Orient has been brought forward to accommodate our friends at Sky. Thankfully, from some respects (the boat crew may not agree), rather than a shift to Friday night it remains on March 15th but is now a lunchtime kickoff.

Realistically, this was always going to happen. Brentford and Leyton Orient are the top two sides in League One and so this could end up being a real six-pointer (along with a chance for Sky to crank out all those East meets West type lines).

To me, it makes no difference. The number of travelling supporters will, one would imagine, remain largely the same regardless of 12.15 or 3.00. It’s too big a game  – it can’t be too often you say that about Leyton Orient  v Brentford!

Interestingly, chief executive Mark Devlin took to twitter immediately after the announcement to discuss ticketing and canvass opinion. It seems we have a choice between an allocation of 1600 or 3700. The former figure, surely too low, but is the top whack optimistic?

In my opinion, no. It’s a table-topping clash and Leyton Orient IS an easy away ground to get too. If you aren’t taking the boat trip then its simply a case of jumping on the Central line at Ealing Broadway and putting your feet up for an hour – not literally, keep those seats clean please.

The other TV news yesterday was one which, being honest, upsets me somewhat. The BBC have announced that David Beckham is to appear in a one-off return of Only Fools and Horses.

I loved this show when it was originally shown – although I think we’ve all seen the clip of Del Boy in the bar perhaps once too often (spoiler alert – he falls over). However, it’s not been on for over a decade and for good reason – it ended on a high whilst the cast are, to be polite, getting on a bit.  It’s going to be impossible to resist a trip down memory lane and take a look but I fear a car crash. Moreso, when you then add Mr Beckham into the mix.

The BBC have announced the return of Del Boy and…David Beckham

The man who singlehandedly secured the 2012 Olympics for Great Britain loves doing his public bit and, with this in aid of Sport Relief, it’s natural he’ll be involved. But a good cause doesn’t necessarily justify resuscitating the long dead corpse of one of the nation’s favourite programmes.

Equally, everybody knows  – footballers can’t act.

We’ve all seen Figo doing his ‘Just for men’, the classic ‘Escape to Victory’ (“We can win this”), Eric Cantona is currently masquerading as a French farmer but the king acting stinker is, of course, Vinnie Jones.

To be fair, the former Wimbledon man set the bar high with his surprise debut in ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’, but its been downhill since there. Very much a case of the law of diminishing returns, he was single handedly responsible for destroying X-Men: The Last Stand whilst has also flexed his acting muscles in a range of films that includes ‘Swordfish’ and ‘Garfield: A Tail of two Kitties’.

Hey, I’ve no problem with a wooden, bad, actor. Just look at Jason Statham – a 21^st century Steven Seagal. He does what he does, and does it very well. But, with footballers, it just stretches the bounds of entertainment that bit too far.

Sadly, things seem too late for Beckham and ‘Only Fools…’, judging by the publicity stills already published. I can only cross my fingers and hope we don’t have another Vinnie – ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ moment….