Tag Archives: Fulham

Maupay does it again. What a way to celebrate. Again.

17 Jan

Life isn’t great at the moment. Not compared to normal. The relentless grind of Lockdown and ‘that’ virus. Games played out in empty stadia. Brentford not even able to take the field at the moment due to our own training ground being closed – albeit results have gone largely in our favour whilst we’ve been away – thanks, Luton.) Yet sitting at home yesterday afternoon there was a moment to put a smile on the face once more. Delivered in the game between Leeds United and Brighton c/o that king of shithousery, Neal Maupay. A cult hero at Griffin Park to rank alongside the best of them. 

We all loved Neal. No question. That goal and celebration at Fulham. The absolute dirt that went alongside his game. Cheeky digs. Sly tugs. A side to a Brentford player we’d not seen in a long, long time. Somebody you wouldn’t want to get close to, yet had that wonderful combination of mercurial talent combined with unpredictable volatilty. Err, what Aston Villa game? He was, rightly, lauded at Griffin Park. We’d have loved him to stay but we’ve all moved on. Our loss, Brighton’s gain. Had he stayed there’d have been no Ollie Watkins up front. Win-win.

The classic Neal image? Perhaps….

Yet, as we all know, his ultimate moment was up at Elland Road. Back in October 2018, with the scores locked at 0-0 in an early season Championship pacesetter, Ollie was brutally fouled (errr) by Leeds ‘keeper Bailey Peacock-Farrell. Up stepped Neal to not only score from the spot but then celebrate in that quite wonderful style. Only he would have had the balls to take on the home contingent, arms aloft and fronting them out in the face of all manner of , understandable, abuse flying back. Cripes, had the boot been on the other foot we’d have been spewing. It was bad enough that the spot kick had been deemed questionable but this was then the ultimate indignity for the home support. A celebration to rank with the best of them and an iconic moment. 

It was a moment only bettered in the return fixture at Brentford when Neal scored again. Right in front of the away fans. He celebrated, again. Right in front of the away fans. Same pose, same stare, same abuse. Talk about king of wind up. The man has balls of steel. If anybody was looking to endear themselves to the home support then here it was. Griffin Park erupted. If it wasn’t possible to love him anymore, then here was the opportunity to do so. 

Then, Brighton came knocking and we went our separate ways. That’s football. Neal is still a fixture in my life – even if just through the medium of Fantasy Football. Then, yesterday, at Leeds United, it all came flooding back. He scored for Brighton. The Seagulls 1-0 up. The only thing missing being supporters to see the goal live. 

No matter. This is Maupay. This was Leeds. This is the man who lives for the moment. And sure enough, he did. He celebrated in the only way he knew how. Despite the fact there was nobody there to wind up. Oh, we all knew how much this meant. And it was brilliant. Never have I enjoyed a goal in a different division for a club I don’t even support so much. This one was all about the man, the moment and the place. What a way to liven up an otherwise desperate Saturday.

Thank you, Neal. Thank you for doing this.

Eyes down for a full house. Of sorts….

22 Dec

Here we go. Time for some festive cheer. A Christmas cracker etc etc etc. With London plunged in to Tier 4 and the next few weeks looking like the equivalent of being tied to a chair and force fed Mrs Brown’s Boys on repeat, could Brentford provide a much needed boost to morale? Tuesday evening sees our league cup quarter final with Newcastle United and I for one can’t wait. With doom and gloom all around us (but enough about Mrs Brown’s Boys) the chance of making the semis is a huge opportunity waiting to be taken. The chance to get closer to another appearance at the W place in North London. The chance to increase our lead over Fulham L of Premier league clubs beaten this season. The chance to actually qualify for Europe – via the medium of the Uefa Europa Conference League (UECL) place that goes to the winner. The chance to actually lift a trophy.

There are only eight teams left in this. The Bees and Stoke City sole representatives from outside the top flight. Flying the Championship flag but, equally, there in our own right. Tough opposition in Southampton, West Bromwich Albion and Wycombe Wanderers have already been despatched. And also Fulham L. Thomas Frank’s red and white army unstoppable. Now, 13 games unbeaten as the goals fly in. Ivan Toney doing his thing. Vitaly Janelt our latest unsung hero. Sergi Canos back to his best. Bryan Mbeumo lashing in two top, top goals during the weekend’s destruction of Reading. Rico Henry, surely knocking on the England manager’s door from his left-back berth. The rest of the defence being picked with all the consistency of car keys being plucked from a bowl yet whomever gets selected, locking out those coming at us. 

Bryan did his thing in some style on Saturday

Expect more changes tonight. Ethan Pinnock has served Mads Bech Sorensen’s suspension for the red card at Watford (hmmm) and will surely be catapaulted straight back in to the team. Likewise, Christian Norgaard is fit once more. Could he and Vitaly start alongside each other? Will it be a straight swap? Or is the bench the best he can hope for at present? 

Up top, with coverage beginning at 5.00pm you can set your Sky bingo cards to 5.01pm for mention of ‘Ivan Toney proving a point against former club Newcastle United’. Personally speaking, one can only imagine his primary goals being to see Brentford make it through whilst adding to his own tally for the season.Not sure I could sit through another of his penalty kicks, though. The technique incredible although one that gives me kittens in the run up. Doing it in normal time would be just fine, please.

Positivity is great but let’s not forget who we’re up against. Newcastle United (are they still everyone’s ‘favourite second team’?  – thanks, Sky) remain a top flight club and pushing to win a first trophy since 1969. With the 5-2 tonking handed out by Leeds United still fresh in the mind and then, even worse, failing to beat Fulham L, Steve Bruce will be desperate to inject his own brand of good cheer into the North-East. He’ll have to do it without Allan Saint-Maximin and captain Jamaal Lascelles, both of whom are suffering from the fallout out of Corona Virus. Urghh, there we go. The C word. Just add  – Brentford’s longest run in the competition for a ‘full house’.

The one could go either way. For me, Clive, there’s no sense in trying to predict it. It’s hard enough knowing who is even going to start let alone who will emerge on top. Instead, let’s sit back with some snacks, with a beer and watch the action unfold. The kick off is at 5.30pm and its live on Sky. Grab your bingo card and let’s do this…..

Nick Bruzon 

More chance of getting ‘that’ unicorn tattooed on my butt than this happening.

10 Nov

International ‘break’ is on us. Good news. The players and the lazy bloggers amongst us finally get a rest. Assuming they aren’t picked to represent their country (the players). Brentford updates are a little thin on the ground at present and, whilst we normally take this time to catch breath, the latest ‘loan round up’ had news from the West Ham – FulhamL game. And, perhaps, a missed opportunity? On the International front there may also be some unexpected respite for our own tired legs, with Denmark now subject to travel restrictions. 

First, loan round up. Yes, we’re still going through the motions and reporting on Said Benrahma. Come on official, whilst technically he’s on loan we know its over. Let’s stop this charade. There’s more chance of me getting a tattoo of Marinus and the unicorn on my butt than there is of him coming back to Lionel Road at the end of the season. He’s at West Ham now and so good luck to him. And them. Enjoy.

He’s not coming back, sorry

That said, having gone down the road of including Said in the loan piece (which you can read here in full) then it’s only fair that we all reflect on the circumstances of that one. ‘Official’ noting how Benrahma, “Set up Tomáš Souček for The Hammers’ injury-time opener before then giving away a 97th minute penalty for a foul on Tom Cairney; Ademola Lookman chipping the resulting effort straight into the arms of Łukasz Fabiański”.

Chipping the resulting effort? Talk about underselling it. That’s like saying Donald Trump seems mildly perturbed by the U.S. election result. The FulhamL player is widely acknowledged to have taken one of the worst penalties of all time.

I suppose, to be fair, we should be thankful that Brentford haven’t gone down the ‘Obama meme-wars’ route of a few years back with the Craven Cottage club. Instead, diplomacy was the true champion….this time around.

Putting that all to one side doesn’t mean we can’t opine though. Or, more importantly, watch it again. And again. Just because.

Over on Social Media, Lookman spoke up on the matter. He posted a tweet explaining, “After yesterdays mistake, I take full responsibility and onus for it. To my teammates, manager and the supporters I vow to put the next one in. I will not let one failure hold me back. @FulhamFC.

As Adam Devlin, cutting to the chase as ever, noted on Twitter : ”This is a new one — the apology without apologising apology”.

And I can’t top that. So we’ll move on to Denmark. Fast. With the Danes due to play Iceland this week, and the current 14 day quarantine period on individuals returning now in place, the squad has been updated. Neither Henrik Dalsgaard or Mathias Jensen will now feature on Wednesday. Likewise Mads Bech Sørensen for the U-21s. What this means for the rest of their games remains to be seen but you can read the latest, here.

Obviously it’s a huge shame for the players but in the longer term, could Brentford be the beneficiaries? Let’s look at whatever positives can be taken from this situation – not many, granted. Yet with the injuries and the games coming thick and fast, could this be a rare silver lining in the longer term storm that is the never-ending Covid situation? 

I’ll take what I can get. Football sucks as it is at present. Certainly compared to normal. Losing more players to injury or exhaustion would only be another kick in the butt. Tattoo free, of course.

Nick Bruzon

Football fraud or the right result?

8 Nov

WE WON THIS GAME, BY A LOT!… THE FANS WERE NOT ALLOWED INTO THE STADIUM. WE WON THE GAME, GOT 71,000,000 GOALS. BAD THINGS HAPPENED WHICH OUR FANS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE. NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. MILLIONS OF THANK YOU LETTERS WERE SENT TO PEOPLE WHO NEVER ASKED FOR THEM! Hmmm. Not even Donald Trump himself would be able to try and convince you that the 0-0 snoozefest between Brentford and Middlesbrough was anything but a gift from the gods for the insomniacs amongst us. Whilst there was some consolation to be taken from the hilarious proceedings at West Ham later in the evening (where FulhamL have done it again) let’s not pretend the game at Lionel Road wasn’t horrific. Football fraud of the highest order.

Official update us as FT. Was this the score or shots on target?

Let’s try to look positive. Brentford didn’t lose. We’re unbeaten in four games now. Mads Bech Sorensen impressed again as did Ethan Pinnock alongside him. The Bees are only five points off second place and we now get a well earned rest. Thank heavens Rico Henry and Ethan Pinnock have avoided international call ups. 

Likewise, Middlesbrough are no mugs. With the Jonathan Woodgate experiment consigned to the annals of history, Neil Warnock is doing what he does. Sucking any glamour out of his football and, instead, replacing it with a steely resolve. An indefatigability from his squad combined with a simple inability to breakdown the most solid of midfields. With Matthias Jenssen shackled all afternoon and Vitaly Janelt sitting in the holding role, we were unable to make any intent as the midfield was swamped in our visitors favour.   

Ironically, despite the presence of the Championship’s leading scorer in Ivan Toney it was Janelt himself who had the one golden chance of the game. With Brentford starting the second half in a more attacking frame of mind, he connected with a low Dalsgaard cross just yards out. Surely this was it? The sort of opportunity even Ian Moose might have claimed he could have tucked away as easily as he would a pie at a half-time buffet. Alas, it wasn’t to be. Instead of guiding it home the shot was slashed at and spooned wide. Urghh. 

It was that close. At least I think that’s what they’re saying

It happens. No slating of the player from me for a solitary near miss. Middlesbrough came to do a job and boy did they do it. They got their point and stay above us. Frankly, we didn’t have the nous or the tactical wherewithal to get past our opponents. Kudos to them for also going unbeaten and their own start to the season. Say what you want about it but they’re a hell of a lot more effective than last time out. The sort of Boro’ side that have long held the jinx factor over us in the Championship. I suppose we should be grateful we didn’t lose! 

Look. It’s one more game. The unbeaten streak is coming together. We’re well, well in contention and have a run of games coming up against lower placed teams. Wycombe, Barnsley, Quarter Pound of Rubbish and then Rotherham United. Those of you getting stressed that we aren’t winning the league with 33 points come back after those. Look at early pace setters Reading whose record now reads LLL. Look at Wayne Rooney’s Derby County – languishing at the very bottom of the Championship after Sheffield Wednesday saw their 12 point deduction reduced to 6.

The Championship is an absolute marathon rather than a sprint. The table may have ‘taken shape’ but it is still tighter than Trump’s claims of voter fraud. I’d love to have a few more wins under the belt but I still think we’re heading in the right direction.

The key decision remains one of replacing Said Benrahma on the opposite flank to Bryan Mbeumo. It is, to date, something we’re yet to do convincingly. Then again, how do you replace the irreplaceable? For all those laying in to the players that Thomas has tried, let’s not forget the boots that need to be filled. That once in a lifetime talent – when he could be bothered, of course. Let’s not pretend either that our own miracle man had a tendency to go awol at times.

It was Boys Own stuff at times

We’ll get there. International break has come at the perfect time to allow for a recharge. Whilst a staunch traditionalist when it comes to footballing matters, even I’d agree that perhaps for this season the extended substitutes bench is really needed once more. There are just too many games and too many injuries. A temporary return from three to five substitutes one which may well benefit everybody in the longer term. Until that happens, expect tired legs to be running around for another 90 minutes as we saw yesterday.

And finally, whilst the Benrahma / West Ham story is now done and dusted one couldn’t help but notice how he and the Hammers got on yesterday. As much due to their opposition – FulhamL.  Sure enough, another game saw another defeat for the Cottagers. That’s now 6 out of 8. The latest coming at the Olympic Stadium last night where the home side took an injury time lead c/o a Benrahma assist. Hmm – let’s see if that one makes official’s ‘Loan round up’ . Yet Scott Parker’s boys had an even later chance to level things up when awarded a spot kick. That is, until this happened. Quite possibly the worst penalty of all time. Enjoy….

Nick Bruzon

It was Boy’s Own stuff on Thursday but who starts now ?

3 Oct

The League Cup has been and gone. Brentford are through and that’s fantastic but that’s also as far as it goes. For now. Thoughts of a Christmas quarter-final with Newcastle United can wait for another month or so. Instead, the focus is back on the Championship and Sunday afternoon’s visit from Preston North End. With the mood at Lionel Road one of optimism – as much due to the performance of Said Benrahma as off-field updates that came in a new signing and the David Raya to Arsenal story finally being put to bed – the big question being who starts? And up at Aston Villa, the love story between Dean Smith and  Jota has come to an end.

First though, Brentford. Cripes. Who’d be a head coach? What lovely problems for Thomas Frank to have. What decisions to make. Everyone’s a manager and will have different options as to the team. Sergi Canos has been wonderful but Said Benrahma sent a reminder about what he can do in the most jaw-dropping style.

‘That’ goal against Fulham, with Michael Hector humiliated by the backwards nutmeg, before the Algerian lashed it low and hard into the bottom corner from distance was pure Boys Own stuff. A more incredible return than the second coming of Jota.

Benrahma’s skils – an obscene publication?

Then there’s Mbeumo and Ghoddos. The waiting for Saman was rewarded as he provided the perfect tee up for Marcus Forss to open the scoring on Thursday.  Bryan is immense though. We all know his pace down the flanks and prowess in front of goal. Could Emiliano be sweating tonight as we at least try to fit three of the four into the starting XI? That’s before you even consider Toney v Forss. The big money replacement for Ollie Watkins or the young pretender with the thunderbolts in his boots and the habit of scoring whenever he takes the field?

Dominic Thompson had a great game whilst in goal, David Raya has shown just why Arsenal were so heavily linked. Those rumours should now be dispelled for a while after it was confirmed our number one had signed a four year contract extension on Friday. Pity Luke Daniels who has done a fine job deputising in the league for a man who has pulled off some world class saves during the Cup run. A man who, don’t forget, is the current holder of the Championship golden gloves.

Luke, of all, has most to lose should Thomas twist rather than stick when it comes to selection for Preston. Having waited his turn, it has finally come. Drop him back to the bench and you may aswell start looking to the B team for our reserve ‘keeper. That is, assuming Luke wants first team football. He’s more than good enough for it at this level, that’s for sure. I don’t envy Thomas that choice or that conversation – with either ‘keeper.

For me, Clive, assuming there are no injury doubts I think he’ll go :

Raya, Henry, Dalsgaard, Pinnock, Jansson, Norgaard, Dasilva, Marcondes, Benrahma, Mbeumo, Toney.

It’s going to be harsh on anybody who misses out after Thursday but with international break approaching, this is the time to go for it. Personally speaking, I’d love to see Marcus Forss start but if nothing else the bench should be tastier than a slice of sour-dough toast smeared in marmite i.e very.

Elsewhere, there’s been more transfer news. The bees have signed German Under-21 Vitaly Janelt from VfL Bochum. There was no pretence about the  midfielder’s skillset from Thomas, describing him as “Dynamic in his play and strong in the middle when it comes to duels. Most importantly, he has the aggressiveness and intensity in the high press that we want to have”.

Another classic set of signing photos suggesting we’ve picked up a player who would fit in as well as alongside a Jonathan Douglas or Christian Norgaard as he would in a cold war era spy thriller. Think the Man From Uncle or anything from the second best Bond, Connery.

All being well Vitaly is as stylish on field as he is off it

700 words in and no mention our opponents. Well, those early season results are tricky to get too much of a reading from. The Lilywhites have only managed a single point so far but that was up at Carrow Road – not a performance to be sniffed at. Are home defeats to Stoke and Swansea the sign of a team on the way out or simply one finding their feet in another bizarre season of behind-closed-doors football?  

We’ll find out on Sunday afternoon, that’s for sure. Season ticket holders should have been sent their I-follow codes by now. Don’t forget those all important tricks to ensure stress free sign on… Firstly, use Chrome. Not Safari. Surely something as simple as an internet browser thingy shouldn’t make such a significant difference but, as we now know, it does. Secondly, even though the codes allow you to watch for free, credit cards details are still required. Presumably supporters wanting to watch the Huddersfield game the other week will have now bypassed that pitfall but for anybody just coming in from work, please be aware.

And talking of watching football over the internet… Rasmus, bring forth the crowbar. The latest edition of ‘The Warm Up’ has now gone live on YouTube. Marcus and Stu are again joined by Karleigh Osborne for a look back at Fulham and Millwall along with a couple of very special challenges. Even  Harlee Dean, sorry Crash Bandicoot, puts in an appearance in the ‘nutmeg’ challenge. There’s another competition and the results of last week’s. Plus a forfeit that must now be paid. And how……

Finally, Jota. I make no secret of the fact he has been my favourite Brentford player in years. As much for the hair. The excitement of Benrahma, the last minute goals, the leaving opponents for dead (poor Jake Bidwell) and the return from loan after his love-letter to the fans. It all ended on somewhat of a disappointing note with the triple transfer swoop by ten times better Birmingham City before the King finally found his place in the top flight with Aston Villa. 

Sadly though, it wasn’t to be. After just 16 appearances his contract has been cancelled a year early by mutual consent. He is a free agent and surely Spain beckons? I mean, there’s no way he’ll come back here a third time. Is there…?

I’ll never forget all those good times and wonderful moments. Hail to the King. Wherever he goes.

Oh Jota…. Any excuse

Nick Bruzon

Crash, Bang, Wallop. (What a video).

2 Oct

Brentford will play Newcastle United in the quarter finals of the league cup. A tie with another top flight side the reward for trashing Fulham in a game where Said Benrahma reminded the world just why he is so highly valued. Oh, that second goal. If the likes of Aston Villa, Crystal Palace or others are interested they’re going to have to stick another couple of 0s on his price. But this has to be about the brilliant Bees and a performance that means Championship Brentford have now beaten three Premier league teams this season. For context, that’s three more than Fulham. Who play in the Premier League.

Brentford were brilliant. Fulham were woeful. Dreadful. A top flight team on technicality alone. Certainly not on current performances. Only Michael Hector surviving from the team that were humped by Aston Villa at the weekend. He probably wishes he hadn’t after the public puling down of his pants administered by that man Benrahma en-route to his second, and our third, goal. Pure, pure filth. Something so obscene that by all rights, should have been shown well after the watershed rather than the second half of a late afternoon kick-off. 

Benrahma. So cool, he doesn’t even need to see his man to beat him

Cripes. The run, the turn, the nutmeg – oh the nutmeg – and then the finish from distance. If only to have had a full house there to witness it. Thanks a bunch, Corona. Instead, we had to be content with TV where there was at least the option to rewind and watch it again. And again. And Again. It was that good.

And if you’d like to watch more…..

Will he stay or will he go? (as popular music’s The Clash almost once sang). The transfer window now has an agonising few days until it finally creaks shut at 11pm on Monday night. I’d be ecstatic if he were to stay at Lionel Road. Certainly, there’s no need to sell but that’s not necessarily how it works.

As Thomas Frank himself commented at full time, “Am I confident he will stay? I’m confident that I would love him to stay…But I don’t know. Honestly, if the price is right we are open to selling, but if not we will be happy for him to stay.

That goal was so good, I barely remember our second (and the Algerian’s first). Something, something, something, backpost. It also drew all the attention from our opener. A quite wonderful move involving debutant Saman Ghoddos, who delivered a ball into the box from the right where Marcus Forss absolutely leathered it home. A strike combining equal parts power and placement. It would have graced any goal of the month competition but has already been blown out the water and had thunder very much stolen.

What a reaction from Marcus’ mum though….

More importantly though, it gives Thomas a real selection headache for the Preston game on Sunday. Does he revert to Ivan Toney, who of course got off the mark against Millwall last time out, or stick with the young Finn who seems to have a sledgehammer in his boot? Honestly!! How hard can he hit the ball? 

For what it’s worth, I’m sure he’ll go with Ivan. Our marquee signing will be chomping at the bit to further add to his haul whilst the lure of a rematch with former club Newcastle United is sure to have him even quicker on the toes than he already is. Forss will be a regular for sure. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but if he carries on like this it will soon. Another huge tick in the box marked ‘recruitment’. Who’s laughing now?

The one ‘sour’ note of the evening, and I use that word in the loosest sense, another piece of shameless tie-in obligation. With a hashtag. This time promoting the latest in the Crash Bandicoot series of video games. The competition was simple – spot the eponymous character on the screen and share a picture accompanied by the mantra #FoundCrash. Win a copy of the game.

It was no #novemberkings or #trophyfriends  (never, ever forget) but certainly in our top five. As one North Stand observer noted to our WhatsApp group , “I still can’t fully decide if this is better/worse than the Varney/Kurupt FM cringe off” . 

As shameless a promotional crossover as ever we’ve been obliged to undertake

Personally speaking, Kurupt FM’s visit to our chief executive was one of the best things we’ve ever done. So awkward it was amazing. Acting that, by all rights, should have seen Jon fast-tracked to a cameo role in Dream Team. If only that still existed. Certainly, a programme he knows well – as we learned over lockdown. If you are reading (you aren’t) then how about using your influence to nudge it back into existence. Imagine basing it at Lionel Road…

But we digress, massively. Brentford gave the fans plenty to smile about. Newcastle United are next up in the cup just before Christmas. Dean Smith may well be opening his cheque book. With Aston Villa having been knocked out by Stoke City last night, he doesn’t even need to worry about Benrahma being cup tied. Whether he, or anyone else, can afford the man of the moment is another matter of course.

That’s a question for another day. For now, we can wake up with smiles on our faces. Brentford looked back to their best. All being well we can do it again on Sunday. Preston sure to provide a sterner test than Scott Parker’s starting XI. As one Twitter wag noted, even Crash Bandicoot would have been more mobile than their defence.

Still, that’s their problem. Let nothing detract from the way we played. From that full Forss Finnish. From Benrahma doing what only he can with a quite outrageous goal. From Brentford making our longest journey, and counting, in the League Cup. Bring on Newcastle United in December.

Until then, why not catch up on another piece of brilliance…

Nick Bruzon

Can anyone beat Droid Owusu? Are these the three best videos ever?

30 Sep

With Brentford facing home games against both Fulham (cup) and Preston North End (league) in the next few days, there’s going to be a whole load of on-pitch stuff to talk about between now and Monday morning. So for now, there a bit of a round up regarding season tickets – admin and humour. Plus, because we can, the latest in the series of ‘spotter denied’ videos. Something which is nothing to do with football but always worth a watch – even if it did see legions of Harry Potter fans (the boy wizard rather than the green-jacketed super fan) left distraught. Stop sniggering.

Brentford’s own Harry Potter

First up, season tickets. Friday October 2nd is the deadline to ‘Freeze. Reserve. Refund’.  Whilst, for many, the first option is the most practical, individual circumstances may well be different. These are tough times for many. As such I guess this is as much a note to remind supporters that the default option for taking no action will be ‘Freeze’, with all the associated benefits of course.

The club have sent reminder emails whilst anybody with questions can either email tickets@brentfordfc.com with your query or call our Box Office team on 0333 005 8521 and they will be happy to assist you. Not my words etc but I’m sure it is true. Our ticket office have been one of the standout areas of supporter service in recent years.

Option selected

There is also a third option, our new ‘chatbot’. Cripes, I hate these things normally. The shame faced attempt to lure you into the belief you are talking-to a human being when, infact, it’s nothing more than series of computer generated responses designed to match up to common questions. Hurrah for algorithms. Said nobody ever.

Brentford official have now gone down this route too but there’s no pretence. Quite the opposite. We’re advertising it. And how. There’s a quite magnificent thread on Twitter, asking supporters to come up with a name for our own in-house ‘bot’. Why we need to name it I’ve no idea, beyond awareness, but it has spawned a quite magnificent thread of bot-based bad Bees punnery. Whilst blowing my own trumpet, I defy even Jim Levack at his Middlesex Chronicle big book of 80s alliteration best to beat that one.

But , as ever, its all about substance rather than headline. And what substance. For me, Clive, the stand out contenders are.

Mark Chatman 

Murray Drones

Botinho

Droid Owusu

Johnny 5 – Birmingham 0

I wouldn’t be surprised to see Chatman get it. Great wordplay and as popular a name in recent times as Ollie Botkins or anyone else associated with the club.  Botinho is magnificent, too, although there’s a danger it would only run for 13 minutes then disappear without a trace. Murray Drones is probably more one for the grown ups (and remember kids, don’t have nightmares) whilst Droid Owusu deserves it on merit alone. Quite brilliant. 

As Tom Arron noted on Twitter: Someone said Droid Owusu? They win.

The full thread is here. Help yourself and why not play along too? Is it too late for me to add Harry Botter?

Next up, Harry Potter. Or, rather, Potter fans. We’re all, I am sure, with the trainspotter denied orgasm video. One of the all time classic YouTube clips, there is no explanation required. All I’ll say is to wait for the exasperated cry of “bollocks” before anything even comes into view. You can hear the anticipation falling off a cliff.

Another video has started doing the rounds now of something similar happening up in Scotland. The chance to see the ‘Hogwarts Express’ was denied fans of the popular children’s character when another commuter service got in the way. If only they could make the 18.26 to Edinburgh disappear….

To this series of shorts, we’ve also been sent this one. From the States. The moment the historic (apparently) Georgia Dome was demolished. With onlookers all set to capture the moment for posterity, a bus pulls up to…. well, just take a look.

They’re nothing to do with football, of course, but sometimes you just need to realise that however bad life feels, there’s always somebody else having their day ruined. With Griffin Park now in line for a similar fate at some point, will the first swing of the wrecking ball be recorded forever or caught behind an Amazon delivery truck?

To be honest, I’d rather not think about it. Perhaps let’s just rewatch Potter once more.

Nick Bruzon

Don’t shoot the messenger. This is worse than Barrymore rapping.

29 Sep

Ring, ring. Ring, ring’. Is that the sound of the telephone in the Parker household? (Thanks, Uncle Justin). One does have to wonder after Monday’s results. Now let’s be clear I take no pleasure in the following facts but with Brentford due to host Fulham on Thursday in the fourth round of the league cup, it’s only natural we look at our next opponents and their current form. Hey, it’s what we do on these pages. Albeit your definition of ‘form’ may vary after last night’s latest defeat. This time to Aston Villa and one which prompted a quite awkward act of self-flagellation from Tony Khan. A man who, per his own Twitter bio, currently has more jobs than the rest of the country put together: Owner/Director of Football/GM/Sporting Director. Perhaps a bit of focus may be in order.

Played three. Lost three. Points nil. Goal difference -7 (minus seven). It’s hardly an auspicious start to a league campaign which has already seen bookmaker Paddy Power paying out on anybody who has invested in Fulham being relegated this season. Don’t shoot the messenger, that’s a fact. Even by their attention grabbing headlines, three games seems somewhat early but the bookies very rarely get it wrong.

Don’t shoot the messenger – this was the offer last night

The resulting act of public humiliation Fulham owner Khan then embarked upon was about as toe-curling as the Michael Barrymore gospel choir clip currently doing the rounds on social media. Rapping as brutal as The Cottager’s defence ; the tune changing key as often as Fulham do managers. Hey, it’s a fact.

Desperately looking for salvation, he (Tony Khan rather than Barrymore) took to Twitter to declare:

I apologize to @FulhamFC supporters for our performance tonight. We’ve looked to add centre-backs since Wembley, I’m sorry we haven’t yet as 2 got COVID + we lost a Free we thought was close + had another issue with a 4th CB. I promise players in + better efforts from this squad.

I should + will apologize repeatedly for that performance. I’m sorry everybody. We all need to do a better job. Everyone at the club for the past year worked really hard to get the team up, & now we need to work significantly harder to stay up. I promise better efforts than today.”

Cripes. He may aswell have added “We go again” for the full house. It got the expected reaction from a fan base with very short memories. Their last stint in the top flight saw a similar record and three different managers in the one season before relegation – Slaviša Jokanović, Claudio Ranieri and Scott Parker all had a go at keeping the ship afloat before, they sank beneath the Thames. Now we’re less than a month in and they already look fatally holed below the waterline. Again.

And yes. We all know what happened at Wembley. That’s also a fact. Well done. Well done everyone. A tactical masterclass in shithousery that has somewhat blown up now and cruelly exposed the lack of depth available. And I’m sorry that’s a fact. Even Brentford have despatched two more Premier League teams than Fulham have this season and we’re not even in the same division. That’s two by the way. Compared to none.

With Brentford looking to reach the fifth round of the League Cup on Thursday night, the Cottagers anti-form couldn’t have come at a better time. No doubt their supporters will claim the tournament an irrelevance in the build up then give it large should they triumph. Fair enough. Yet for the Bees this is an excellent opportunity to keep our own form going. To give those players from the squad a chance to step up and mix it with the first team. Thomas Frank has got that balance bang on so far and I expect more of the same on Thursday.

Marcus Forss will be coming at the bit for another go up top. The chance to lay down a real gauntlet at the feet of Ivan Toney. The same goes for the likes of Charlie Goode, Tarique Fosu, Shandon Baptiste and David Raya. Might we even see Said Benrahma given a start after he came off the bench against Millwall? With the transfer window getting ever closer to finally creaking shut, Crystal Palace and Aston Villa are going to need to get their chequebooks into gear if the talismanic Algerian’s future lies away from Lionel Road.

Looking towards Lionel Road?

We love him. He’s amazing. His future surely lies in the top flight. Ideally with Brentford but who knows what may be. Looking backwards or too far forwards are fatal. Don’t rest on your laurels. Whatever has happened has happened. Wishing it away or fond reminiscing won’t change a thing. For Brentford it’s all about picking the best team to Fulham in the cup with half an eye on Preston in the league. Even that far ahead is only to consider the starting XI Thomas may pick on Thursday evening.

Focus on the game. Win it. Look at the current facts. Let the others resort to cheap shots or exposing their woes in public.

Brian Guest x

Marcus had a blinder in the previous round

Time to start putting the boot in. Or, rather, on.

27 Sep

Brentford are up to 9th in the fledgling table and unbeaten in all competitions since the season opener at Birmingham City. The latest result, a 1-1 draw at Millwall in a game that will be remembered as much for the return of Said Benrahma and the excessive wind coming down the I-follow line. That, less a comment on Marcus and Mark’s personal hygiene and more a reflection of the howling gusts rattling around the Harchester United stadium. Very much a case of Cold Blow Lane despite the Lions having long moved home. Certainly it wasn’t one to live long in the memory but it’s another point on the board and another chance for this team to reacquaint themselves with playing together in these oddest of circumstances. Besides, thing could be worse. Looks at Nottingham Forest. How IS that close (closed ?) season investment working out? 

What is there to say after this one? Both teams pressed. Both pushed. Both scored. Both could have won it. We don’t do full fat match reports on these pages as the regular reader will be aware (you can get the ‘official’ view here if you want). That’s no bad thing. It wasn’t that we put in a bad performance but, like Birmingham City away, the trip to Millwall is generally a game of few goals (that one where Danny Shittu gave us the o.g. winner aside). You can now add Saturday to the list and, being honest, after conceding an early goal I’m more than happy we were even able to pull it back rather than succumb to yet another 1-0 defeat. 

‘Official’ capture the equaliser in their match report – link above

Moreso, given the manner in which it was given away. Pontus somehow seeing a boot go flying high in to the sky as he tracked Mason Bennett. The Swedish international unable to keep pace, or balance, with uneven footing and the ball was delivered in Jed Wallace who made no mistake. You wouldn’t with that much space.

The defending from Brentford absolute schoolboy for the opener, regardless of the Swede’s footwear faux-pas. Surely one for Thomas to review on the whiteboard when we all reconvene at Jersey Road. 

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Pontus’ shoelace.

It was a defence that had already seen Rico Henry replaced just three minutes in. Dominic Thompson coming off the bench to cover our unsung hero. Something clearly not right – whether picked up in the warm up or earlier. Regardless, it was an opening five minutes you’d happily forget about. Many following on I-player not even watching as yet. Several reboots were needed to update the somewhat random commentary (again no reflection on Mark of Marcus) as it switched between Millwall’s effort and our own. The lack of pictures also somewhat disconcerting. Once again, a simple solution (once you realised) that Safari and the EFL app do not make happy bedfellows. Chrome all the way. After last week’s ‘credit card’ farce, a frustrating start to what should have been a super simple process. 

Regardless, we had it all to do now. And that was just being able to watch the game. But with the challenge of grappling with technology overcome it was onwards and upwards. Mark Burridge was coming loud and clear, the pictures were sharp and Brentford were pushing. Surely the Millwall goal would soon be breached. Sure enough, with little more than 20 minutes on the click we were level. Ivan Toney hauled down in the box as he waited for a Dalsgaard cross to plop onto his head.

But if the opportunity to score his first league goal was denied, he made no mistake from the spot. Ivan’s approach to the ball was more amble than run up. Not even the Brentford yoof element are this casual (that Stone Island won’t wear itself)  but it made no difference to the result. The ball calmly stroked into the bottom corner, as close to the post as was possible. The precision of the shot, over power, giving Bialkowski in the Millwall goal no chance. 

1-1. Over an hour to go. Surely one of the teams would kick on? It didn’t happen. Both had chances and, being honest, it was probably the hosts who had the better of them. Mahlon Romeo hitting a first half thunderbolt against the post from the corner of the box with the diving Luke Daniels beaten and then Tom Bradshaw offered the freedom of the box before steering wide in the second. For the Bees, a lot of threat but no real cast iron chance. Benrahma made his way on for the final quarter hour and played one delightful ball towards Toney but, alas, it was cleared.

It’s was interesting that Thomas used Sergi Canos to make way for the return of the mercurial Algerian. Even Mrs Bruzon was amongst those questioning why it hadn’t been Emiliano as the one pulled off. Still, that’s why Thomas is the head coach – he’s the one paid to read the game and make the tough calls.

We’ve picked up another point and, as ever, all the conjecture in the world and ‘if onlys’ don’t make a difference to the table at full time. Millwall probably feel they should have had all three points. Brentford will be happy with one but on another day we might have taken the lot. 

Still, I’m happy to be picking up the points. The trips to St.Andrews or The Den are never pleasant experiences. We’ve got them out the way early and are climbing the table. Look at the bottom for some context.

Wayne Rooney’s Derby County ™, Nottingham Forest and Wycombe Wanderers only have one goal and nil points between them after their opening three. Sheffield Wednesday’s start of -12pts the only thing keeping that trio off the bottom and even then something being reeled in at a rate of knots by the Owls.

Ten games in is that real marker of form. Of who will be the teams to beat and who are the division whipping boys. Certainly, I’d had Forest in the former category at the start of the campaign. These are still very early days but it’ll be interesting to see how they bed in or whether the ever sartorial Sabri Lamouchi will fall out of fashion.

Next up is the visit of Fulham L in the League Cup. A somewhat unusual Thursday afternoon, 5.30pm kick off on Sky Sports. As a consequence, the Championship game with Preston has been shunted back to Sunday 3pm.

I’d only expect a raft of changes for the visit of the Cottagers. This 100mph start to the fixture list will be killing players and perhaps the ever present Rico Henry was the first victim of this. Is it time to wrap up Sergi in the cotton wool and cup-tie Said ?

Whoever Thomas starts with, my hope for that one is the pundits and commentary team don’t go into pay-off ‘verload’ . Yes. We know. It happened. Move along now. It’s all abut the future. History belongs in the past. So to speak. 

See you there, Thursday. Well not Lionel Road but on the couch. Here’s to the chance of reve… D’oh !

Nick Bruzon

When the brackets come second, you know it’s BIG news.

24 Sep

For a day with no game (something in itself that feels quite odd at present) Wednesday still had plenty to deliver. For Brentford, our opponents for the League Cup fourth round tie were confirmed. It’ll be Fulham at Lionel Road next week. Elsewhere, there were brackets for Newcastle United, Chelsea came close to the same magical scoreline and in Wales, Ryan Reynolds is the name being linked with a takeover of Wrexham. Yes. THE Ryan Reynolds. The actor of Deadpool andDetective Pikachu fame. Albeit perhaps best we just gloss over Green Lantern.

The new Wrexham away kit needs a rethink

First up, the League Cup. With Brentford through to the fourth round we’ve been handed the chance to make our furthest ever progression in the tournament with a home tie. Against Fulham. Cripes, if only there was some recent encounter between the two clubs that pundits and commentators could bludgeon to death in the build up to this one. And then through the game itself. Alas, not.

Yet if there is something to mention, let the others be the ones to wallow in the past. Its all about the present. About going forward from where you are. 

For Brentford, that’s unbeaten in three games and two Premier League clubs already despatched this season. The performance against Huddersfield Town on Saturday one which saw the Bees back to their best. That indefatigable, keep going until the end spirit seeing us run out eventual 3-0 winners after dominating the game. 

A great team performance on Saturday

For Fulham, its nil points and 7(seven) goals against from their opening two league fixtures. And that’s with the advantage of playing in an empty stadium. Well done. Well done everyone. 

The sweetest part being that their fansite will be obliged to copy/paste this entire article onto their own page – as they always do for anything published on the internet that concerns Cottaging – and thus be reminded further of their woeful start to life this time around. After all the smugness over the summer, it’s great to see them being on the wrong end of a kicking week in, week out.

The Fulham defensive wall needs some work

Anyway, whatever. For me its about Brentford. For going as far and high as we can. Let anyone else worry about themselves. It’s an amusing side story to laugh at but doesn’t detract from the desire to keep on doing our bit. Which we are. Let’s concentrate on Fulham next week when they come to visit. The details for that one are yet to be confirmed although given the proximity of the game, it can only be imminent. Instead, we’ve a trip to Millwall to focus on this Saturday.

However, the big story yesterday was one which came out of Wales where National League Wrexham have the most unexpected of potential new investors lined up – actors Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool etc) and Rob McElhenney (no idea). The club, currently under fan ownership (sound familiar?) has seen 1,223 Supporters Trust members opt in favour of the proposal which would see control handed over (sound familiar ?)  for an investment thought to be worth £2m . To put that in numbers, only 31 voted against  – less than 5% of those polled.

The stage seems set for them to enter, should they follow through of course. For Brentford, the move from fan owners surrendering their shares in return for new investment has been the best deciosn ever made. Matthew Benham has transformed the club through shrewd management and innovative techniques. Whether Ryan and Rob could bring the same tactical nous to North Wales remains to be seen. Smart one-liners and katana blades can only take you so far compared to an advanced computer modelling system – at least on the football pitch. Certainly I wouldn’t fancy Matthew in a fight although he’d win at recruitment every time.

Safe to say the football world will be watching with interest over the coming weeks. Let’s just hope its not like the time Michael Jackson turned up at Exeter City. Or Fulham, for that matter.

And finally, back to the league cup. Newcastle United hit brackets last night with a 7(seven) – 0 win at Morecambe. Six up at half-time, they left it late to hit the magical mark with an injury time o.g. just prior to the final whistle getting them over the line. It was a night that saw former Bees favourite Toumani Diagouraga shown a red card for the hosts – a case of Newcastle score, he’s off the pitch?

“Shooooot” – Toumani is a Griffin Park legend.

Frank Lampard’s Chelsea (are we  still doing that?) came close to the same score. Their 6-0 home defeat of Barnsley saw a hat-trick for £71million signing Kai Havertz as a strong looking line up romped home. Olivier Giroud made it 6 on 83minutes but, alas, that’s where things ended. A brace of brackets in one night would have likely seen the roof come off in our house. Instead, we had to be content with the one on a night that also saw Everton hit five.

Anyway, good luck to them all. A win next week could well see us paired with any one of these teams. We’ve tasted cup success against Chelsea and Everton in recent-ish years. I’d love the chance to do it again. However, before that there’s Fulham. And before that there’s Millwall.

Roll on Saturday. Another game on the couch. Another game on the I-follow/ See you there. In spirit.

A cracker against Chelsea at Griffin Park

Nick Bruzon