Germans, Fawlty. Flaccid Mannschaft fail to make a semi for first time in 12 years.

Don’t mention the, the, the….VAR. (© the entire internet and newspaper industry). Curses. I feel dirty. Tried to resist it but the opportunity was so blatant and the open goal so gaping it would have been a crime not to jump on the ‘Don’t cry for me, Argentina’ bandwagon of obvious post-defeat puns. But these are strange times. Wednesday’s action saw Germany finish bottom of their World Cup group after going down to South Korea, Brazil ease through the gears and England preparing for a Group G shoot out with Belgium. And, as ever, there’s a Brentford angle. Of sorts.

Just when you thought the World Cup couldn’t get any more exciting, it did. And how! We’ve already seen the likes of Argentina, Portugal and Spain make much harder work of qualifying than they would have been expected to after some quite scintillating group action. Seeded Poland are already out and yesterday afternoon in the biggest of all the shocks, not just for this tournament but in years, Germany were sent home after succumbing 2-0 to South Korea.

Talk about a (Joachim) Low point. The defeat saw them finish rock bottom of the qualifying group as, going for broke after Sweden cruised into an unassailable lead against Mexico, it became a case of win or bust. Two late goals – one reinstated thanks to use of VAR and the other with German ‘keeper Manuel Neuer caught upfield – meant this one was left firmly in the bust camp. That totally unusual, and in no way pleasurable, sight of their fans crying in the stands filling our screens.

Stop. Sniggering. Please.

It was just bizarre. Yet at the same time, brilliant. How often have they swept all before them? The ruthless footballing machine that has claimed trophy after trophy. Despatched those crucial penalties with clinical ease? Invincible. Untouchable. All conquering. Until now. These demi-Gods of the global game, brought to their knees.

It is the first time in 12 years Germany have failed to reach the semi-final of a major tournament. As many twitter wags have already pointed out, who will now beat England on penalties? More importantly, it has thrown the tournament wide open whilst adding even more intrigue to tonight’s game with Belgium.

Specifically, the talk of finishing second being a seemingly more advantageous position to be in. The group winners go into the side of the draw that contains Brazil, Mexico, France, Argentina and Portugal in the knock out stages. The reward for second place is a knockout stage that currently features Spain, Russia, Croatia, Denmark, Sweden and Switzerland. With both sides on level points, goals scored and goal difference, should either fail to win then it will come down to who has the most bookings. At present, a draw will see England will top the pile based on their 2 yellow cards compared to Belgium’s 3.

The BBC show how tight the group is.

Watching last night’s Brazil game on ITV, the subsequent panel discussion was all around this very point. Gary Neville and Ian Wright both stressing the benefits of the so called easier route (whilst failing to note that it also includes Henrik Dalsgaard of Brentford and his Denmark team. I DID say it was an angle, of sorts). Let the big boys knock each other out.  

It is an option seemingly favoured by Belgian coach Roberto Martinez. His own interview suggested wholesale changes were in the offing and players protected. Unless my ears were deceiving me, I could have sworn his interview on ITV included references to it being what he deemed “A celebration game” where “the priority is not to win”.

Also in the geometric hell and magic eye puzzle that is the ITV studio, Slavan Bilic was ploughing a lone furrow. Go for broke. Keep the momentum. Win at all costs. Don’t disrupt the routine. Thing started to get a little bit Daily Mail at this point. Belgium will play the second string. It’s not English to do anything but go for it. The team will play to win. Gareth won’t rotate his squad etc etc

All I’ll say on the subject is that at 8/5 this morning, a price checked with my online bookmaker purely for research purposes, England would seem to be  very generous price. Then again, could it all be the ultimate in double bluffs from Martinez? Or is the safe and easy route against supposedly easier opposition, one they favoured in their own warm up games for the tournament, something that Belgium will look to try and follow once more.

Whilst one can’t imagine they’ll go out of their way to lose / throw the game, perhaps a cagey bore draw is all we have to look forward to. And if this is how things are looking as we head into the final fifteen, could there be a flourish of yellow cards? A bit of back chat here. A ball thrown away there. Just enough to ensure one team tip themselves into second place whilst remaining undefeated.

Then again, and has been said many times, yours truly is just the numpty on the terrace. Plenty of questions and no actual answers. Yet.

I can’t wait until 7(seven) pm when we find out what they are.

Nick Bruzon

PS Just a reminder that The Last Word season Reviews are now available for download. All proceeds from any sales will go to the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust. For less than the cost of a half / pint respectively, they may help while away some time on the commute, by the pool on holiday or just in the bathroom. Who knows? It will certainly do some good for the Trust, whose work has been well documented at Griffin Park but you can read all about it on their site.

Plus, pick one up before the end of June and go into the draw to win an exclusive Brentford shirt. PLEASE DM/tweet me (@NickBruzon) a copy of your download confirmation mail and I’ll add your name to the list before an independent adjudicator will select a random Bees fan to win this on July 1st.

The Kindle e-book Ten Times Better. Brentford FC Season review: 2017/18. Inspired by ‘that’ interview it contains the least bad of these columns in one, handy volume as it looks at our own campaign as well as wider divisional life and the promotion / relegation races. As a bonus there’s a whole host of new material. New that is, for my pages. Specifically, all the programme articles submitted (both home and away where, if nothing else, you can get the original versions of both Birmingham City and Millwall).

In addition, There Is No Plan B. Brentford FC Season reviews: 2013/14 – 2017/18 takes us all the way back to the start of this latest leg in the journey. That penalty. League One. Harlee Dean was a hero. Jota was something we thought happened to the temperature for one week in July. Alan Judge had joined on loan whilst the Marinus Experiment was something nobody had contemplated. Bringing things bang up to date by the inclusion of this year’s volume alongside the four previously published campaign round ups, it has five seasons in one weighty tome. As weighty as a download can be, that is.

Relive the memories. See how often the same material gets regurgitated. Remind yourself how it all began….

 

The top talking points from the World Cup draw (and the small matter of Brentford v Fulham).

Brentford v Fulham. Derby day pt.2. It must be rare for a local game to have been less under the spotlight during the build up as this one. First up, we’ve had the residual bad taste of Monday night’s 2-2 with QPR. Not so much the result as Ian Holloway doing that desperate back pedal after slagging off his own supporters for ‘sneaking out’. And then there was the small matter of yesterday’s World Cup draw for Russia 2018.

We’ll start with Fulham. A win will take Brentford above the Cottagers in the league table and, subject to other results, into the top half of the Championship. I can only call this one as three points for the Bees. Lasse Vibe had two wonderful finishes against the not so super hoops , with the assist from Romaine for the second being something quite special. Sergio Canos showed his class, starting a game for the first time in I don’t know how long. Expect more of the same. Just perhaps, not, the 93rd and 94th minutes.

And if you’d like to read more…. there’s talk about both games in the ‘Park Life’ column that appears in today’s match day programme. Whilst I’d crave your indulgence for that self-promotion it is mentioned more for a sledge hammer like unsubtle link to, erm, today’s match day programme. (#seamless).

With this edition highlighting the ‘Rainbow laces’ campaign (and on that subject, don’t forget to check out the Beesotted podcast this week – below), cover star is none other than Andreas Bjelland. Danish International Andreas Bjelland. The World Cup’s Andreas Bjelland.

This week’s cover star…

Yesterday’s draw saw England line up against Belgium, Panama and Tunisia. A kinder draw you couldn’t have asked for, on paper. Moreso when the two teams who get through will play one of Poland , Senegal, Colombia or Japan in the last 16. On paper, as kind a start as one could hope for. On paper…..

Yet for Andreas, things are slightly different. Whilst there doesn’t seem to be an out and out ‘group of death’, Denmark won’t have it easy agasint France, Austrlia and Peru in Group C. Mind you, I’m sure they’ll all be thinking the same about Denmark in group that Nick Harris ( @sportingintel on Twitter) has noted is the rankings tightest.

Also clear is what Harris declares to be “A clear Group of Life – the Group A of hosts Russia”. I would also accept: ‘The Group of dull’

Along with the hosts it is a pool that features Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Uruguay. Luck of the draw is, indeed, a wonderful and fortuitous thing.

Yet it is a group that also gives us our first chance of that World Cup staple: “For those of you just coming in from work, the score is….. “ Expect that at about 5.17pm on Thursday 14th June during the opening a game. A 4pm kick off between Russia and Saudi Arabia.

That opener is, likewise, a game you can expect to see on ITV. Certainly, if the BBC ‘live updates’ are to be believed.

And talking of the BBC (Nurse, bring me the industrial crowbar) Phil Neville may have been England’s dullest pundit at France 2014 but there was no doubt he was on form during the draw. Robbie Savage sticking his head above the parapet and getting immediately slapped down.

Savage and Neville weren’t the only pundits getting involved. Anybody worth their salt had an opinion. And also Ian Moose. Sadly, there was to be no picture of him and ‘My good friend, Vladimir Putin.’ (Something Diego Maradona did achieve, for the record). Instead, the best Talk Sport’s ‘finest’ could do in that ongoing quest to blow his own trumpet was a snap with Carlos Valderrama.

Other things to look out for will be FIFA no doubt calling the first knockout stage ‘The round of 16’. Like the Fake Olympic terms : Team GB and ‘to medal’ (see also: Wednesday’s column – I’m still thankful for the chance to vent) something that is both wrong and which has been allowed to seep into popular parlance over the last few events. It’s actually the Last 16. I would also accept: The second round.

Have selfie stick, will travel. Brentford fan Billy Grant will be one of many Bees in attendance. He’s already confirmed he will be in attendance. His roving reports providing an wonderful flavour of what happened last time out in France – the great and the not so. Stan Collymore, he ain’t. Expect more of the same this time around (all being well, the great) .

Flights booked. Russia. Here we come 😱

— Billy TheBee Grant (@billythebee99) December 1, 2017

Still, all that’s to come. There’s over six months until we start sticking wall charts to fridges, whip ourselves into a lather of excitement before an eventual quarter final capitulation for England.

Until then, here’s to forgetting about QPR on Monday. There’s a West London derby to win. Fulham are on the way over to Griffin Park. And I can’t wait.

See you there.

And if you need some more listening before kick off, here’s the link to that Beesotted podcast….

Back-to-back west London derbies for #brentfordfc as #Fulham Preview & pub guide includes exclusive chat with @emmajonessport of @BBCLondonSport https://t.co/KQ7SHbW81L #ffc @FulhamishPod @WhiteNoise1879 @HammyEnd @TaylorMod @FriendsOfFulham pic.twitter.com/rDR09dmIv1

— Beesotted Brentford (@Beesotted) December 1, 2017

Nick Bruzon

Glenn, Slovakia, Saint Etienne. So Tough, for England

England are through to the last 16 of EURO 2016. Wales topped the group. Russia are going home (presumably to huge cheers all round). Slovakia are now hanging on for other results after a peculiar brand of anti-football that, fair play to them, shut out Roy’s boys and leaves them waiting to see if third place can be secured.

Those are the headlines as group B came to a close for England in St. Etienne but there was so much more to it than that. Roy tinkered. Roy lost out.

It was a demonstration, if ever us Brentford fans needed another one after some of the Marinus era performances, that stats and possession don’t win games. Although, to be fair, at least England managed some shots (come on Bees fans, it’s all good now !). The BBC figures show how one sided a game this was in all but the key category – goals scored – as the match ended 0-0.

BBC stats don’t lie….

 

Jack Wilshere was anonymous whilst Postman Pat after an all night ‘bender’ would still have offered better delivery than Jordan Henderson showed. In what seemed to be a wonderful atmosphere – so loud even ‘that band’ were drowned out for vast swathes of the game – England had the chances but just couldn’t take them. Any of them. Not even one.

Then there was Glenn Hoddle. Oh, for some level of decent co-commentary on ITV. Talking to one New Road observer during the game, his take on it was that Glenn had been replaced by a random sentence generator. Another, that Sacha Baron Cohen was filling in for him.

Whatever the answer, his performance was the normal drivel infused nonsense . “I think that’s a tactical move,” he observed after one substitution aswell as noting that “Sturridge has just had a mouthful.”

Glenn went on to explain how the lack of England’s ability to breakdown Slovakia was because “We’ve got all footballers out there at the moment”, with the solution to this being a call for Andy Carroll.

I could go on. Those are but a handful of the examples plucked at random although , equally, perhaps it is something that ITV are putting in the water. Over in the Wales  – Russia game  my sources tell me how Tony Pulis noted that, at 3-0 up, “Wales will be happy to stay in front here” .

Yes. Gareth Bale made it 3 goals from 3 to see his team top the group by a point after what seems to be a steamrollering of Russia. I didn’t see it, can’t comment but can only say “well done”.

Outside of all this, England ARE through. England remain unbeaten. They now face a last 16 game agasint the second placed team in Group F which, all things considered, could have been a lot worse on paper. Mind you, so should a game against Slovakia have been. On paper.

It will take a better man than me to call who Roy & co face next out of Hungary, Iceland, Portugal or Austria. The only thing I’d say for sure is that given recent history, what chance another encounter with Cristiano Ronaldo? He of ‘cheeky wink’ infamy.

Ronaldo, a cheeky wink never too far away

It isn’t all doom and gloom, whatever you read.

It would have been wonderful to top that group and failure to breakdown a bus parking defence has cost England dear in that respect. Yet is it that bad?

Roy has ended the group stages happy. Indeed having dominated three games to such a level that he told reporters after the game, “That gives me some sort of satisfaction.”

A Slovakian bus, parked. England couldn’t get past

 

For now, though, the most important task of escaping the group has been achieved. There’s a few day’s break until Monday, 8pm, when England ‘go again’.

Until then, there’s four more groups to play out and, of course, the release of the Championship fixtures tomorrow (Wednesday). For us Brentford fans, this will make a nice diversion and a chance to see how our next 9 months will map out.

Until Sky get the carving knife out…

For now, here’s St.Etienne….

St.Etienne. So Tough. Why do I bother….

Nick Bruzon

Was this the worst performance ever? Come on England.

Not the football team. I thought England did really well against Italy in their opening World Cup game last night and, to be fair, were unfortunate to come away without at least a point. Indeed, there was enough from Roy’s boys in the opening 15 minutes to excite more than the whole of the ‘no show’ in South Africa 2010 put together.

In a tournament that has been all about goals, goals, goals the England – Italy game delivered more and was anything but the dour, cautious 0-0 this numpty predicted. Ok, we lost but we played well in doing so. With the emphasis being very much about England on the front foot rather than camped in the defensive third, I’m anything but downbeat about our chances of progress.

My disdain is more for Phil Neville. The BBC really have dropped the ball in their team selection at the World Cup. The likes of Lineker, Shearer and Henry are still street ahead of anything ITV have to offer but are they taking it for granted?

Things got off to a bad start on Friday with the Manchester United referencing Rio Ferdinand. He continued name-dropping on Saturday (yawn) but things then hit a real low when we switched to the main game.

Phil Neville, as analyst in the commentary box, seems to have had all the charisma surgically removed from him prior to taking his seat (that is, assuming he had any charisma in the first instance). For a game that kicked off at 11pm, the last thing a tired audience needed were the soporific tones of this human Horlicks. It was like listening to a robot. He really was that monotone.

Just one more needed to complete my sticker album

Ironic, considering we really needed a robot on the pitch. Daniel Sturridge’s fine equaliser saw a celebration that was less Peter Crouch and more seasick scarecrow.

To compound the felony, with both Leighton Baines and Andrea Pirlo having second half set piece efforts in front of goal, Phil couldn’t even give us a, “And this is Saunders territory”.

The BBC still has far too much in the tank to be worried by ITV but their choice of Phil Neville seems a really odd one. His brother, Gary, does a fine job on Sky – I’m the first to admit. Clearly, it doesn’t run in the family.

Or perhaps, with the selection of Rio, the thought is that Manchester United’s fallen stars are the future of football punditry.

I hope not.

Stuck between The Rock and a hard place. Will Grigg, I need you

QPR or Scunthorpe; Fulham or Fleetwood. Looking at the current tables, they are the likely opponents next season for whomever gets promoted from League One or who stays behind. All being well, Brentford are still up there in the box seat, despite Saturday’s loss (our first defeat since October of 2013) to Wolves.

Much as I am desperate for Brentford to go up – and I firmly believe we will –  Sunday’s draw for the EURO 2016 qualifying groups means that football in the Championship would present an additional headache.

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.