A royal appointment and a contract extension nobody asked for.

“So awful that it is physically painful to sit through.” Not my words. The words of Sean O’Grady writing in The Independent. You may think he was describing the recent Brentford – Middlesbrough game or looking through the #frankout twitter feed. But no, worse than that. The Mrs. Browns Boys 2018 and 2019 Christmas specials. Please note: your definition of the word ‘special’ may vary. Now 2020 has given us the ultimate kick in the nuts. Bad enough that Corona virus will see us once more locked out of Lionel Road for the visits of Reading and Newcastle United (at the very least), Thursday saw even worse news when it was revealed everybody’s favourite mammy has been given a huge contract extension until 2026. Now, it seems, Mr O’Grady’s torment is to continue every year until well into the next decade as, Mrs. Browns Boys, this most awful of shows will run and run.

This latest crime agasint comedy, which broke in The Independent yesterday lunchtime, saw Brendan O’Carroll quoted as saying… “We’ve been doing it for nine years already — which is six more than The Royle Family had and more than Morecambe and Wise”. He added… “I wanted that because if it’s not good enough for Christmas Day, then we shouldn’t be making it”. You can read the whole horror story in the Independent online.

Where do you even start? Brown’s not fit to wipe Jim Royle’s arse. As for putting himself in the same bracket as Morecambe and Wise, that’s on a par with Harlee Dean saying “We’ve got quality in that squad. I’ve been in teams where we’ve finished fifth in this league and missed out on promotion by play offs. and this squad is ten times better than that.”

If its not good enough for Christmas Day??? Its not good enough for ANY day!! This tedious opium for the confused. This one joke routine – wig/cardigan/potty mouth  – repeated again and again and again. An alleged comedy which serves no better purpose than to plug unplanned gaps in the schedule. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. What dirt MUST O’Carroll have on the BBC to justify our licence feed being chucked at this year on year on year? How is it still going? Like a cockroach, the show would be the only thing to survive a nuclear war. And we’ve said that before, too, but if he can repeat his joke then appreciate the irony of us doing the same.  

Cripes we really must have been misbehaving this year to have that inflicted upon us. Talk about getting on Santa’s naughty list. There was me hoping for some Brentford training gear (if you are reading Kitman Bob….). Instead, we’ve had this thrust upon us. 

All of which neatly ignores the fact we have’t discussed midweek on these pages as yet. Brentford got the draw at Watford. Ivan Toney scored another ice cool penalty in a 1-1 marred by the somewhat dubious red card confusion which, eventually, saw Ethan Pinnock dismissed. Notes and thoughts on that one are in the matchday programme – either Reading or Newcastle United. I honestly forget which – they come thick and fast at this time of year but there’s been a lot of 11th hour scribbling.

Now, we have Reading this weekend. One point and one place above the sixth placed Bees. The top of the table in both teams’ sight. Brentford unbeaten in 12 games. Ivan Toney clear of Adam Armstrong at the top of the goalscoring charts. Yet when things couldn’t get worse than Mrs Brown, they have.

Keith Stroud is our referee. You know, the one man we don’t want to receive a card from at this time of year. Rico Henry in particular, even if that one was eventually rescinded.   

Much like Mrs Brown at a variety show, this is a royal appointment nobody needed.

Keith Stroud…..shudders

Nick Bruzon

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Spending big is not necessarily spending clever.

Good morning Brentford fans. And it is a very good morning. A quick look at the Premier league table following last night’s results shows Fulham firmly anchored to the bottom. Their 1-0 loss at a Huddersfield Town side (who themselves scored their first home goal since mid-April) sees our West London neighbours propping up the rest of the league. Statistically speaking, that’s 24 points behind leaders Manchester City after just eight games and with a trip to Liverpool next up.

Happy Tuesday in the Premier League

The current predicament seems even more horrific when you look at the outlay from Fulham over the summer. It’s been widely documented that the £100.3m they spent has  been matched by a mere £4m coming in. They’ve kept their squad together and built on it. Hugely. A net outlay of £96.3m is only beaten by Liverpool who top the big spenders on £131m (161m out ; 30m in).  

And what is the result of this? A top flight record of ‘goals against’ for a Premier League start (29 conceded already), the worst goal difference in the division, a form record of LLLLL and a confidence level that saw the BBC match report subsequently describe them as: ”A fragile Fulham side, stripped of confidence and there for the taking.”  

It’s easy to laugh. Let’s be honest. Equally, let’s not make out we wouldn’t like to be feasting at a higher table. Yet that is something which I have no doubt will come. And, when it does, we’ll be competing rather than unable to scrap for the crumbs discarded by others. We’ve talked so often on these pages over the last couple of seasons about how Brentford are doing things. How we are spending cleverly, within means, and using our unique methods in order to stay afloat, comply with FFP but also build for the future at Lionel Road. It becomes a bit of a cracked record at times yet when you see the talent that has been uncovered, aswell as being sold for vast profit down the line as the team continue to step up, one has to step back and take notice.

Likewise, I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t love to have seen some of those heroes stay on. It still hurts so much to see Jota in the blue of Birmingham City although nobody could deny the form of our current widemen. Having the likes of Ollie Watkins, Sergi Canos and Said Benrahma as regular starters / first choice substitutes a luxury not many managers in this division have the benefit of. That, a situation which has arisen because of our ‘buy low and sell high’ policy. The departure of Harlee Dean (as much due to the the emergence of Chris Mepham) helped facilitate the return of Moses Odubajo and what already seems a huge bargain in picking up Ezri Konsa to further enhance the current squad. Then there’s Neal Maupay…

He’s the Championship’s leading scorer. He’s the Championship’s leading provider of assists. He’s the player who endured such a torrid start to his Brentford career last season – and that was just from Ian Moose. He’s the player who found his feet and perhaps, if anyone, illustrated just how fragile Fulham are when he bagged that late, late equaliser back in April  – ironically, the same day Huddersfield scored their previous home goal. It was a goal that deflated Fulham as easily as somebody letting the air out of a clacker or blow up hand and should have been seen as a warning sign.

Mark Fuller’s picture captured THE moment at Fulham

Spending big is not necessarily spending clever. That’s for sure. Yet by the same virtue, look at Manchester City. Compared to previous ‘windows’ they’ve barely troubled the scorers over the summer. This, something very much in isolation for them. At the same time, I read a piece yesterday by Miguel Delaney of The Independent. It was an article described by the author himself on Twitter as an “Upbeat piece on football’s impending death”.

Click bait theatrics or genuine cause for alarm? The collapse at The Cottage is great value. For us, at least. The longer term prognosis in the top flight is, if you share Miguel’s opinion, a somewhat more concerning one. If you read one article today, make it his. You can do so here. Whatever your view on City’s approach, it’s well worth a look –  enjoy.

Nick Bruzon