Tag Archives: last word

Coming soon – to Griffin Park. The chamber of horrors

7 Sep

They’re under starters orders……and they’re off!

We’re five games into the new season and so its time for a retrospective. Not one of performance – I’ll leave that to the likes of Chris Wickham or the fans, themselves, on the GPG. (That said, mine will come once we are ten games in – the point at which the table is, traditionally, said to have ‘taken shape’).

Instead, I’d like to look at the ten worst kits of season 2013-14. Some we’ll see over the course of the season (and already have) in the league and maybe in the cup. Others will simply grace our TV screens. Either way, I’ve scoured the respective club websites to find these ten examples of what happens when marketing overtakes commonsense and tradition.

And, for the record, Brentford don’t qualify for this poll (although I did think about, seeing as we’ve a sponsor that has us putting the KY into SE….. )

10. Derby County (home) 

ImageOn the surface, it’s stylish, simple and retro. County fans must have been pleasantly surprised about how good it was. Until you get to the lurid and over-sized sponsor. Subtle as a brick.

 

 

 

 

 

9. Leeds United (home) 

ImageSurely they couldn’t do worse than last campaign’s ‘tabard’ effect shirt. Actually, they could. Take one traditional all white shirt and run two vertical bars up the middle (only interrupted by a sponsor’s square & squiggle). Add small collars and a technical sponsor on each shoulder. Voila

 

8. Portsmouth (third)

Image

Their traditional change colours of, erm, purple and electric pink? With the addition of a strange swoosh across the middle and a footballer-cum-model who really shouldn’t give up the day job.

 

 

 

 

7. Aston Villa (away)

ImageThis is football, not rugby union. Looks like someone has turned up the contrast at Bristol Rovers. Truly odd.

 

 

 

 

 

6. Wycombe Wanderers (away)

ImageBarcelona had a ‘Lucozade effect’ away kit last season – they’re one of the best teams in Europe and can get away with it. Wycombe, on the other hand, aren’t. And don’t.

 

 

 

 

5. The Loftus Road mob (third)

ImageEffectively renting their third kit to Caterham F1. Please, drape the colours of your giant scalextrics outfit all over our third kit

 

 

 

 

 

4. Swansea City (away)

ImageA truly eye burning effort. Purple and yellow with hard to read sponsor. No words needed

 

 

 

 

 

3. Bradford City (away) 

Image Socks and shorts merge half way up the shirt to make a bizarre ‘cloudy sky’ effect. All it’s missing is ‘The sun’ as a sponsor. (I’ll get my coat).

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Liverpool (away)

Image A shirt that has truly divided the fans between, “Is it ‘awful’ or ‘really awful’ “?  This fractal rework on their 89-91 that has been met with derision on Merseyside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Liverpool (third).

ImageHow can the same club do the same thing twice in the same season? How do you get worse than Liverpool’s away kit? Take a look at their third kit.

Neatly divided into purple, black and white segments. With a bit of gold and grey for good measure. Its brave, I’ll give them that.

 

 

 

If you want to see more of this season’s offerings then you could do a lot worse than visit http://www.historicalkits.co.uk . It has comprehensive run-downs on the current season aswell as vast, club-by-club, archives. And for good measure, their commentary is laced with a dead-pan sarcasm that I could only ever aspire to.

And on that bombshell….

2 Sep

It is, quite literally, THE shock of the transfer window. Forget Bale. Forget Fellaini. Forget Ozil. Just when I thought I’d heard it all, Uwe has gone and pulled off a loan signing that I can’t imagine anyone outside of Matthew Benham or Cliff Crown saw coming.

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.

Sixteen into eleven won’t go

2 Aug

The League campaign is finally here and I cannot wait. So much so that I finally cracked and went to a ‘pre-season friendly’ on Tuesday night.

I’m not, normally, the world’s greatest fan of these fixtures. They’re a little tease that struggles to properly fill the void of close season. Despite looking and sounding like the real thing, it somehow lacks punch. The footballing equivalent of alcohol-free beer. However, lured by an unexpected ‘green card’ from home base, the warm summer weather and our opponent’s recent transfer activity I decided to give it a shot.

The opposition – Cardiff City. Like Celtic reserves and Millwall before them, another higher level outfit and a really strong test. However, that’s where normal service ends…..

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.

 

 

Ambassador – with these goalkeepers you are really spoiling us.

30 Jul

Farewell, Simon Moore.

When the news we all feared was finally confirmed on Monday the only real shock was not so much our goalkeeper’s departure to, ironically, tonight’s opponents but the fact that Cardiff DOES, infact, have a beach. A quick search of the news channels revealed that Cardiff Council recently purchased more than 300 tons of sand to create an artificial beach in the city’s Bay. So rather than being an elaborate smokescreen, perhaps Simon really had gone to the seaside and it was just a case of one thing leading to another, culminating in his transfer to the Premiership outfit.

Whatever the course of events, it was really pleasing to see the massive outpouring of good wishes from the Bees fans towards Simon, even before the news had been ‘officially’ released. Moreso compared to Harry’s departure, which barely registered a ‘1’ on the Richter scale. Simon, see you soon in the England jersey (and maybe tonight in a Cardiff one).

So, what next?

Well, if there’s one thing we seem to have the knack of in TW8 its …

 

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.

Some people are on the pitch (quite a few, actually)

22 Jul

As strokes of marketing genius go, it’s up there with White Star Line’s ‘Lifeboats to passenger’ ratio on the Titanic.

This summer’s rather odd Celtic affair showed Brentford doing what they do best, and worst, in equal measure. Arranging a prestige ‘friendly fixture’ and then, seemingly, try to alienate their entire fanbase in a way that could only have been bettered had Matthew Benham decided to make Mark Chapman, rather than Cliff Crown, our new chairman following Greg Dyke’s ascension to the role of F.A. Chairman.

We’ve all got an opinion on what happened in the build up and there’s no real point trawling through it all over again.  Personally, I chose not to attend. That said, as an exercise in filling Griffin Park it was by and large successful (although not to the point of the apparent 9000 ‘break even’ figure reportedly required). Likewise, the performance of the team, and moreso off the back of the Millwall game, has already raised expectation levels – and rightly so, it would seem (although Harlee Dean and Simon Moore may beg to differ as they are now forced to spend time on the physio’s table).

However, as an exercise in winning over your existing fanbase don’t expect the diplomatic corps to come calling in TW8 anytime soon. Whilst one club figure took to cyberspace after the game to say the atmosphere was preferable to that against Millwall, my own take on it was, and still is, that dozens of away fans boozing in our local parks from 9.30am, numerous flares in the ground, repeated pitch invasions and the home support allowed to be massively outnumbered as a result of ticketing arrangements is not the sort of atmosphere I’m particularly looking for.

Moreso, when three days later the Celtic supporters were still attempting to justify their post match pitch invasion. Cripes, the way they carried on was worse than when the Loftus Road mob beat Chelsea last campaign. Being blunt, this was a match against an English third tier side that they were very lucky to win. Not the Champion’s League final.

But back to some more of the (off-field) positives from pre-season, so far.  Those that did go to see Celtic reserves certainly seemed to enjoy the game. Ant or Dec of ‘Ant and Dec’ fame was in attendance ………..

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.

             

Welcome (and ‘sack the editor’ !!)

23 Jun

Axed from the extended Brentford FC programme for season 2013/14 after four year’s voluntary service (for somewhat unclear reasons), here’s a chance for our reader to continue picking up ‘The Last Word’ column.

You won’t find match reports/pictures already seen on the website or articles about old football shirts here. Nor will you find the ‘manager’s notes’ from the previous programme. That said, you probably won’t find much quality but, at least, it will be free and unedited (in a content, rather than grammatical, fashion).

So, like ITV football –  it may be ugly. It may be full of hot air. It may spout the odd cliché. But, on the flip side, you won’t have the annoying ‘BT’ flat mates popping up after five minutes of broadcast (They say – “He’s reeling one in”. I say – “All sounds a bit stalker-ish”)

Until match day, feel free to check back in. I may add something Griffin Park related. Otherwise, we’ll go live at the beginning of August when the Bees travel to ‘Fat Bob’s’ Port Vale for the opening game of the campaign