Martin Allen on video or Alan Partridge on Bond?

Bank holiday weekend. Brentford should be hosting Charlton Athletic today and then visiting Wayne Rooney’s former Frank Lampard’s Derby County Derby County on Monday. Instead, we’re not. Coronavirus. Lockdown. Self-isolation. Sadly, we all know the drill by now. Stay indoors. Don’t be a dick. Think of the NHS. Think of each other. Much as it would be nice to sit on a park bench drinking brandy or flying a remote control helicopter (both of which I saw across the road yesterday), we’ve got to sit tight and stay indoors. It IS frustrating. It IS boring . But my word, think of the alternatives. The least of which being a trip to Pride Park. This is no joke, sadly. Don’t be a dick. Stay the f*&k indoors . Please. Instead, why not take the opportunity to embrace your inner Alan Partridge? 

Stop getting Bond wrong !!

It is frustrating, no question. If nothing else Easter Weekend is second only to Christmas for that wonderfully intense hit of football. A double eSpresso of big match action. If anything there’s more to play for with the season approaching the denouement. Every kick and every point is crucial. The final table almost set with play-off and promotion places able to be confirmed at a moment’s notice should results go the right way. Alas, it’s not to be. There is no visit from Charlton. We won’t be meeting at St. Pancras for the trip to Derby. The best we can do is look at the table and fantasise about what might have been for Brentford. All being well, it will come to pass but when that actually happens is anybody’s guess.

Don’t be downcast. There is still hope for that Bank holiday fix. First up, the GPG have the second in their series of ‘live web cast’ interviews. Following on from last weekend’s ‘ask me anything’ session with Phil Giles, next up is none other than Mad Dog himself – Martin Allen. The session with Phil was unexpectedly open and frank, even by Brentford standards. He was engaging and nothing was off limits as the one hour video link ended up running to double that. Hats off to Trevor and his team for arranging this. Now we have the chance to go to the next level.

The best of the video wall highlights

There can’t be anyone among us who didn’t love Martin’s time at Griffin Park. Excitement. Luncacy. Play-offs. The FA Cup run. The Great Escape. The terror of looking into his eyes. What a man. What a couple of seasons. What a side he put together. Some called it ‘two bob’. I called it the quintessential example of team spirit and ability Oh, John Salako. Err, Steve Claridge. 

So Saturday afternoon promises to be a real treat. With the technical glitches (i.e pitch invaders) looking to be ironed out via means of needing the link to be sent to you (HERE, is the place to get this). Sign up or miss out. As has so wonderfully been explained, “There will NOT be a catch-up video etc. available after the event – for reasons I am sure you can guess. Martin did a Beesotted event recently and Billy/Dave have not been able to use the audio.” 

The one downside to all of this is that it messes with the prospect of being legitimately able to participate in an Alan Partridge style four day bank holiday weekend James Bond marathon. The possibility of doing just this has often been joked about but there’s never been a justifiable reason for sitting in front of the TV from Friday morning through to Monday night. Now there is. 

Could it happen?

Doctor No is scheduled for 9am although judging by Mrs. Bruzon’s reaction to the suggestion last night, it may be a case of jumping straight to Roger Moore. The argument that “If not for us, do it for the NHS and the teachers” not deemed legitimate. Perhaps she was thinking about Thunderball or Die Another Day – a fair point.

If we manage / are allowed (delete as applicable) to stick to the schedule then Martin cuts right across The Man With The Golden Gun. Potentially even eating to the parachute jump opening to The Spy Who Loved Me. Decisions. Decisions. Martin Allen or Roger Moore being chased on skis?

Judging by the paint pots currently sitting in the hallway, I fear the decision may be made for me. See you all at 3pm tomorrow….

 

24 films distilled into four and a bit minutes

Nick Bruzon 

Who, cares? BBC ‘go again’ but will unbeaten April continue?

Today should be a day of excitement. Brentford have the chance to go above the Loftus Road mob in the table once more (only goal difference separates us now) whilst simultaneously relegating MK Dons. This is immediately followed by the FA Cup semi final between Everton and Manchester United. Yet, yet, yet – the words ‘shoddy BBC Doctor Who crossover’ are lurking to spoil things. Again.

First up Brentford’s trip to Milton Keynes. This is going to be a very interesting test of Dean Smith’s managerial process. One can only assume that, injuries aside, he’ll stick with the majority of the team that continued April’s unbeaten run, making it 13 points from 15 against Cardiff City in midweek.

The Bees recorded a fine win on Tuesday night

Josh Clarke gave a very assured performance in the position that Maxime Colin has filled with aplomb this season. Yet, with Dean confirming that the Frenchman is “available but we have to just manage him” he has a tricky decision to make. Personally, I’d keep Josh in the side. He absolutely deserves it for his showing on Tuesday whilst, if nothing else, it gives Maxime a bit more recovery time ahead of Hull City and Fulham. Assuming he is even required.

Then there’s John Swift. In his absence, Brentford’s record reads: WWWDW . That’s some difference from the LLLL that preceded it .

The Chelsea loanee has featured heavily this season despite a mixed period of form. When he’s good he’s great; when he’s off the pace well, the less said the better. That’s the price of youthful talent. Yet Dean certainly seemed excited about his potential return when giving his updates to the press yesterday.

Will we see him back today? I doubt it and, being honest, I hope not. At least, not in the starting XI . That’s not meant as a criticism of the player but more the point that our form needs to be rewarded. Very few players could expect to walk back into a winning team after such a lengthy lay off and, with all due respect to John, he’s not one of them.

That said, I’m sure he’ll be on the bench and from there we see what happens next. Sitting next to him will also be Scott Hogan. Surely it’s too soon for our ‘man of the moment’ to start a game despite the obvious excitement about both his recovery and his form. There’s next season for that. Now, let’s just keep easing him back and setting our watches for ‘Jota time’.

The other point from Dean’s press conference was his observation that, “People talk about a massive turnaround but in my eyes we haven’t played loads better than vs Charlton Athletic or Blackburn Rovers.”

Hmm. Not sure that’s a view which will be shared by many Brentford supporters. “Frustratingly grim” was the two word summary of this one following our inability to even take a point at home to ten man Rovers. I don’t want to overly dwell on that now –  I have eyes, I was at those games, I know what I saw. Let’s just take great comfort in the fact we’ve definitely turned the corner, even if Dean believes it’s just in terms of results.

Ok. The FA Cup. Tonight’s semi-final at Wembley (count the things already wrong in this sentence) between Everton and Manchester United should be one to get the juices flowing. Instead, the BBC have chucked a huge rock in the water. Specifically, by telling us that they’ll be using the game to announce the identity of Doctor Who’s new ‘assistant’.

Please. No. I like Doctor Who (much to Mrs Bruzon’s chagrin) and have what could politely be called more than a passing interest in the great game of football. These are big occasions in each field of interest but to jam them together just seems like some cheap-arsed attempt to boost audience figures. It is one that detracts from both events. To be honest, even making ‘an event’ out of a new cast member for the Sci-Fi classic seems like an unnecessary stunt, anyway.

The BBC have ‘form’ here. During the 2014 World Cup final, they crowbarred the trailer for the then forthcoming new series into the middle of the half-time analysis. It was a horribly awkward moment. Gary Lineker seemed genuinely lost for words as any momentum for the second half was immediately washed away. Even I switched channels to ITV, and for that to happen…

Not even Rio Ferdinand’s ‘Easyjet’ look could detract from the awkwardness in 2014

I love the FA Cup. Please, BBC . At a time when every season sees further elements of tradition being stripped away from this oldest of tournaments, please don’t demean it any more.

And finally, from Peter Capaldi to another doctor who (sorry) is going to be doing his bit for charity on Sunday. Brentford head of medical Neil Greig, that is.

For anybody not aware, Neil will be taking part in Sunday’s London Marathon where he’ll be running on behalf of Havens Hospices. You can read more about this great cause, and also donate, on his Just Giving page.

Good luck tomorrow, Neil.

And if Scott bangs one in against MK, we know who deserves much of that thanks.

Neil will be doing his thing tomorrow

Nick Bruzon