Time to exorcise some demons?

Say. We are top of th.., err. How about, quite well placed at present? Nahhh. Screw it. We ARE top of the league so why not enjoy the moment? The table doesn’t lie and our run of form is quite incredible. Brentford now 21 league games unbeaten. Only Spurs and Leicester City have overturned us since late October. Ivan Toney is leading the Championship goal scoring charts and the team are on fire. We’ve just overtaken Norwich City after that fine, fine win at Reading on Wednesday night. Frank out??? Where are you? Where ARE YOU? . Let’s be havin’ you! Come on. How far away is all that nonsense now? How quiet have the keyboard warriors gone? Even Sergi Canos is getting praise from the most ferocious armchair managers. Hmm – about five months too late and how magnanimous but there you go. Things are indeed good at present so why not enjoy the moment? Next up, Barnsley on Sunday and a chance to not only maintain the pace but, perhaps, exorcise one of THE demons of last season.

Cripes, we all know what happened. After that wonderful run towards the end of the campaign, Huddersfield Town did us that quite unexpected favour of beating West Brom on the Friday night. Thank you very much, Mark Devlin. All we had to do was beat Stoke City in game 45 and we were up into automatic. Instead, we did a Leeds. No matter, game 46 saw the ultimate in unexpected shocks – the Loftus Road mob got a result at West Brom. The door to the Premier League was still open. All we had to do was beat Barnsley at Griffin Park. The same Barnsley team facing their own unlikely battle to avoid relegation. Instead, they played their hearts out and we did a Leeds. Congratulations to the Tykes – a much more deserved victory than the time Toby was adjudged to have beaten Buzz in the half-time mascot race. For Brentford, there were still the play-offs……

Never forget the time the Toby and Barnsley ‘won’ at Griffin Park.

Which of course is why we meet again on Sunday. This time around Barnsley are looking super safe and, perhaps, may even have a surge towards the play-offs on their mind. The gap to Bournemouth in sixth is only 9 points. The relegation slots are way off and currently being occupied by Wycombe, Birmingham City and Wayne Rooney’s Derby County. Valérien Ismaël’s side may not have won in five league games but they are a different proposition the time around. Even Chelsea were made to work hard in last night’s FA Cup game (eventually running out 1-0 winnners) and their biggest problem at present would seem to be on social media where the club were forced to announce yesterday that…” Due to a copyright claim dated 2018, the official Barnsley Football Club Twitter account (@BarnsleyFC) has been temporarily suspended”. 

As one North Stand observer would comment on our WhatsApp Group – “It’s the sort of thing that would have happened to us a few years ago.” One can only imagine the admin oversight / other that lead to that one although the good news being they are now back in action. And good news it is too. The club being one of my favourites in the league with good times having been had on our travels, regardless of the result. Now they are the ones on the road in a game about as big as it comes.

Hoping for a better result than the previous rematch

The longer this unbeaten run continues the more incredible it seems. A metaphorical skyscraper of a performance but one which, equally, could feel like a Jenga tower. The more it continues the wobblier it feels. The pressure, perhaps, building although certainly not apparent from Thomas and the players IF that is indeed the case. Perhaps its just the glass half-empty approach of football fans. Natural pessimists, normally, although this time around loving the moment. Last season I wanted every game to come but there was that huge feeling of extra stress because we knew we were playing catch up and so, so reliant on others around us.

This time, there’s still that feeling of desperation to play again but it is with uber confidence. It is with wanting to see just how far we can go. It is with having supreme and unadulterated confidence in whomever is picked to start. Of knowing that despite conceding first (as we have done in the last four games) we have the firepower to blitz just about anyone. 17 (seventeen) goals scored in those same four games speaks for itself.

That’s not to be over-confident or arrogant. Likewise, we can’t go into Sunday’s game thinking it will be anything but the toughest of challenges. Once the whistle goes then forget the form, forget the other results and forget the league placings. Focus on Barnsley and just keep on doing what we’ve been doing. We can’t ask for more than that. Everything else comes off the back of it. 

Oh, I love football at the best of times but this is next level fun. Like all of us, I’m desperate to be there in person. I hate watching it on TV, knowing how close we live to the stadium and remembering just how incredible following the Bees is in person. At least we have Mark Burridge and team to keep us company. Temporary custodians of our massed physical presence at Lionel Road. The weight of the home supporters on the shoulders of our comms team and our board of directors. Oh, and Pontus Jansson who seems the one person on the planet even louder than Harry Potter / Simon. His shouting and encouragement clearly audible over the top of the audio and a joy to behold. Kicking and screaming his way to the top alongside the players out on pitch.

No doubt he’ll be back there on Sunday doing more of the same. We’ll all be alongside him, in spirit. I can’t wait for this one. Here’s to an extra special Valentines’ Day. Just hopefully without the cards. Oh, and if Stoke want to upset another promotion push, then there’s no better time than their trip to Norwich on Saturday afternoon to play that card. Come on. Lets be havin’ you…

21 and counting. Barnsley very much our ‘Karleigh Osborne’ game…

Nick Bruzon 

Advertisement

Finally. The chance to see our new home for real. Lionel Road awaits.

Corona Virus restrictions. With the exception of ‘Rail Replacement Bus’, you’d be doing well to find three more depressing words in the English language. Yet today there’s a light through the gloom. For the first time since the 5-0 tanking of Sheffield Wednesday back in March, Brentford fans have the opportunity to see a game for real. Moreso, a first chance to do so at our new home. Lionel Road prepares to welcome fans for the visit of Blackburn Rovers this afternoon. I promised myself I wouldn’t overly bang on about it but to say we’re excited doesn’t even begin to cut the mustard. Like flicking on to a random episode of The Simpsons and discovering its the one with the Springfield Monorail. Yessss!! 

Not ‘that’ monorail

To date, the most to see a game at Lionel Road have been the smattering of club representatives, journalists, photographers and our 200+ directors that were on hand to roar the Bees on against Quarter Pound of Rubbish. Oh, Warbs. I’m still laughing about that one. And if you’d like to read more, today’s ‘Bees Blog’ in the matchday programme will (I hope) cover that one off. #shamelessplug. To those, we can now add the 2,000 supporters who were the first invited in as part of the Season Ticket rotation and, it has to be said, anticipation is rife. 

For me, Clive, the uniqueness of the occasion aside it gives an opportunity to really try and assert some form of home advantage. We’ve already heard Peter Gilham, the directors and Cliff Crown roaring Brentford on. Having those extra voices sure to motivate the players once more. How much of a difference will supporters make?

And what a time for this to happen. Blackburn Rovers are top of the Championship goalscoring charts. Adam Armstrong the division’s highest individual contributor with 14. Let’s not forget Ivan Toney though. As if we could. With our own man tucked in right behind on 13 goals, it has all the makings of a promotion chasing shootout. Rovers sit two points outside the top six. Brentford knowing that a win would take us to within a point of first placed Bournemouth (subject to other results). Frank out indeed. They’ve all gone very quiet – insert Picard graphic. Every voice will count. Every motivational cheer and extra bit of backing for the Bees a chance to finally remind ourselves that it is an actual advantage to be playing at home – albeit, of course, we’ll all be following the officially published Covid guidelines which, understandably, come with the contractual obligation to remind supporters: “Please avoid excessive singing, shouting and cheering.” Good luck there. The same goes for all clubs, btw.

Frank Out… ??!! Where have they all gone?

Recent form has really gone to plan. Thomas Frank hasn’t been afraid to mix his team up and bring in plans B and C. The step up in the game against the Loftus Road mob when we employed the three centre back option for the second half worked brilliantly. This time 🙂 . His use of Toney and Forss at Rotherham United on Tuesday night seeing each player end up on the scoresheet. The temptation to go again must be immense. But with our defence stronger than the Rock Of Gibraltar (only three goals conceded in the last eight games) and Vitaly Janelt once again proving that the Brentford recruitment model is light years ahead of just about every club in English football, why not?

Now, Brentford are breathing down the necks of Bournemouth and Norwich City in automatic positions. The later probably expecting to breeze past Luton Town midweek but, instead, fatally holed below the waterline at a Kenilworth Road that saw supporters present. The cat that got the canary. Mind you, going by the state of their former mascot  – frankly, terrifying – the Hatters would be doing well to bring him back out of retirement. If we’re looking at clubs making any form of home advantage count then how about starting right there? Kenilworth cat up there with Kingsley, Boiler man and Buzzette in the all time great mascots.

Kenilworth Cat – back in the day Luton very much had a rabid beast

Ah, Buzzette. Another reason to be grateful for our return to live action. John Travolta in a furry suit. 70’s John Travolta, I mean. Those funky dance moves have been sorely missed whilst we’ve been locked out. Unlike the Gunnersaurus saga over at the Emirates (remember that from the surreal heights of football lockdown?), Brentford have made if quite public that we’re sticking with our anthropomorphic crowd pleaser. Let’s hope that along with Buzz she’s back out there doing her thing this afternoon.

Yes, we are going. It IS exciting and I get that not everybody is allowed in first time out. It’s a huge shame from that respect and we’re feeling truly privileged to be part of that initial group going in. I promised myself I wouldn’t overly bang on when we were let back in. Cripes, it only seems like five minutes ago that every man Jack and Harry was telling us from their seats in the ground how amazing it was. How incredible. Hardly a day went past without seeing somebody else in there, banging on about how incredible OUR home was. All whilst we were confined to barracks. It hurt, a lot. I remember my own frustration well. Perhaps it will be even tougher for those fans who haven’t been given the chance this afternoon. Social media sure to be awash with photos and comments. Those obliged to wait until the visit of Wayne Rooney’s Derby County or beyond missing out on today and having to wait whilst that anticipation builds even further.

It will be tough for them, no question. It’ll be amazing for us, I hope. Yet at the same time whenever you get your place on the ST rotation train, it won’t feel properly proper until we are all allowed in together. Until we can have a beer with our friends. Until we can all cheer, en-masse. Until the place is sold out our rather than operating at 11% capacity (15% if you include the massed ranks of our directors). That’s not to say we can’t wait for this afternoon. Only a liar would pretend otherwise.

Finally, for the first time in 9 months, I can dig out the old refrain. Roll on 3pm. See you there !

I can’t wait to see these two again

Nick Bruzon

A dinosaur made extinct. Could we suffer the same fate?

Has anybody checked in on Buzz and Buzzette? With transfer deadline passing yesterday for the Premier league, the biggest story was nothing to do with Benrahma or Brentford but Arsenal and the shameful sacking of their club legend dinosaur (insert your own Arsene Wenger joke here), mascot Gunnersaurus. After 23 years he has gone. Terminated. With a tweet, rather than an Uzi nine millimetre. It’s a sad day for all lovers of our anthropomorphic furry friends. Like our own Buzzette with her amazing dance moves or the incredible Kingsley at Partick Thistle, the Arsenal icon has been very much at the top of the tree when it comes to keeping the crowds entertained. Now, this dinosaur has been made extinct. Another high profile victim of the Corona curse.

Fur-well

What else can you say? Sad times. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing Gunnersaurus in action at the Emirates (when Brentford played there in the league cup a few season back) but also at The Oval.

A trip to a T20 cricket game saw the game conclude with a London mascot race. There were our own stars taking part, along with none other than the Arsenal legend. What an honour (it must have been, I’d imagine) to share a pre-match race area. For the great and the good to rub velour shoulders. To stumble around an Its-a-knockout style obstacle course.

Why so sad, Gunnersaurus?

It begs the question as to whether the budget is really cutting it that tight at the Emirates? Is this high profile casualty the first of many? Certainly at Brentford we’ve tried to keep the match day experience as ‘real’ as is possible with Peter Gilham still doing his thing on the public address system as though performing to a full house. Yet Buzz and Buzzette have been conspicuous by their absence. Or am I just extremely unobservant?  

Kingsley broke cover last night to give his own verdict on proceedings. Whilst I was half-expecting the Partick colossus to wreak furry vengeance on the Arsenal board, he’s taken a much more diplomatic stance. Well done. Moreso, using the phrase ‘very funny’ alongside a picture that included Jimmy Carr but it being a reference to the mascot rather than comedian’s tax returns.

Had the pleasure of meeting @Gunnersaurus at a charity do once. He was surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny.@Oldfirmfacts1 @Arsenal @99scunnybunny99 @NickBruzon @Grayou_officiel @Hammerhead @KateWilliamsme @davidshrigley @yorkshireangbee pic.twitter.com/VmaPxbxonS

— Kingsley (@ThistleMascot) October 5, 2020

As Mrs. Bruzon put so eloquently. “My God. The tight aresholes. F. Off. How pikey. What does that mean for all the other mascots? Of all the things to penny pinch on.“

Harsh but fair.

There’s not much else to add. Farewell, Gunnersaurus. I await the kickstarter campaign or high profile appeal to reinstate him with interest. Until then, how about giving Buzzette a run out?

More of this, please. Before it’s too late

Nick Bruzon

What will happen on Wednesday?

Tomorrow it all happens. Brentford face Barnsley. Mark Warburton takes his team to West Bromwich Albion. We all know the maths. We all know what almost happened, but didn’t quite, at Stoke City. That’s football. Our fans seem to have fallen in to two camps since then – the vast majority who appreciate what might have been, how far we have come, how incredibly well we have performed this season and who are gutted beyond belief that we were unable to make it 9 wins in a row at Stoke. Then there are the self-indulgent few. Still bleating about how they are justified in preaching negativity at, and about, their heroes. No doubt the same faces who were calling for Thomas Frank’s head earlier in the season. The same ‘fans’ who will be first in line to say how amazing it all is when we go up. Whether that be Wednesday night or a few weeks later at an empty Wembley.

Ah, you know what? I’m done with it. It’s a simple equation. We were all hurt to miss out on the all important win, but that’s different to bitching. If you felt that strongly then, let alone now,  say it to an individual’s face. And if you still feel that way then just leave the rest of us to support the team and you go wallow in a bottle of Strongbow Dark Fruits. There are more important things to focus on. For clarity, the game with Barnsley rather than a re-run of the infamous mascot race that saw Buzz robbed by Toby Tyke back in 2016. Sadly, Covid-19 means our furry friends are nothing but a beautiful memory for the moment.

But what happened next….?

Of course, the only matter of consequence at Griffin Park will be the three points (technically one) needed to for a final tilt at second place. Albeit acknowledging the ‘deal with the devil’ which that would involve – namely, wishing well on the team from Shepherds Bush. Aside for the small matter of our own beating Barnsley, the Loftus Road outfit avoiding defeat is key to us securing automatic on Wednesday night. 

For what it’s worth, my personal take is that we’ll complete our own side. With Barnsley still hanging in there, any chance they have of Championship survival is dependent on their also winning the game. On scoring at least one goal. Which means we’ll likely be afforded more freedom to attack as they drive forward themselves, looking for the the back of the Brentford net and, as a consequence, leaving gaps. It’s the sort of thing this team exploit for fun.

The visitors won’t make it easy, though. Their game with Nottingham Forest on Sunday saw the Tykes dominant, peppering the visitor’s goal before finally taking the lead late in to Jota time. They’ve done it once and will no doubt be full of belief that they can do it again.

Yet on the assumption we can do our job, what next? What happens at the Hawthorns? Ahh, it doesn’t bear thinking about. It can’t be fathomed or quantified. I’ve a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach – not so much at them stitching us up but more the fact that this is totally out of our hands. Just as it was on Friday night when the Baggies went to Huddersfield Town. 

One has to adopt the approach of trying to ignore it (purely on health grounds) and looking just at our own result which, of course, will be nigh on impossible. Any change in score will be brought to us immediately – Sky do love a final day in-flight ‘As it stands’ table. And with Griffin Park off limits it means that the TV, I-Follow or local radio will be the only way for all barring the directors to follow this one.

Should West Brom slip up then we’ll be waiting to pounce. Pressure does strange things and a game their fans are likely considering a foregone conclusion against mid-table opposition could still have a twist in the tail. Slaven Bilic is a huge character and he’ll no doubt have his players set for this one – dreaming of the top flight , just as we are. Crucially aware of how close they’ve already come to relinquishing control. Something they’ll obviously want to avoid as we enter the final round of games in the regular Championship campaign. Will all of this start affecting the psyche and the approach? Causing a few jitters and a lot of mind games. Or is this just what it appears to be on paper  – a home banker ?

The QPR factor will be just awful. What will Warbs do? Will he even give us a moment’s thought? Will he have a point to prove? Is it one of those where he tries out a few of the kids for next season?

Don’t go checking the bookmakers’ websites if you are looking for any comfort. Only one team is coming out of that smiling. And they don’t go shopping at Westfield. Then again, even Stoke City were 5-1 to win on Saturday and look how that ended. Strange things can happen. 

We’ve been incredible this season. Magnificent. A style of attacking football and rock solid defence that has thrilled us all. A team that have had the fortitude and determination to reel in all those above us after a shaky start to the season. A 0-1 home defeat despite battering one shot Birmingham City in the season opener now the stuff of distant memory.

It took us a while to find our feet but once we did , wow ! Guts. Courage. Never say die – oh, that Millwall game. Goals. The brackets earned in the 7(seven) – 0 destruction of Luton Town. Humping Sheffield Wednesday in our last game at Griffin Park (in front of fans). That relentless never-say-die run of 8 games in a row as we have come within sniffing distance of ‘automatic’.

This team can do it. Whether it takes one game or four we WILL be in the Premier League next season. 

What a finish to the game with Millwall

Nick Bruzon

Three points, no cake and Sean. There’s plenty of Terrace Talk ahead of tonight.

Luton Town away. Brentford are back on the road for the first of two games this week (the trip to Cardiff City is next up, on Saturday) with Leeds United still firmly in our sights. Victory tonight would take us to within three points, and infinitely superior goal difference, of the second placed team ahead of their own trip to Middlesbrough tomorrow. With Fulham also on hold until Wednesday, the prize offered up by any victory this evening is more than just three points. You can add a hearty dollop of pressure on the side.

The game against Blackburn Rovers on Saturday was frustrating but, ultimately, a point very much rescued. We kicked on from two goals down to equalise before coming ohh so close to making it three. Alas, it wasn’t to be. That’s football. You can’t win every game and we were up against a team who, let’s not forget, have genuine hopes of making it up to the top flight. 

Saaaiiiiiiddddd!! 2-2 from the spot

Now we face Luton Town – a club with their own Championship challenge. Albeit at the wrong end of the table. After an impressive start to the campaign, things have gone South somewhat and they find themselves propping up the rest. The Hatters are six points adrift of safety although you could add an extra one to that given a goal difference that is about as negative as Piers Morgan discussing Meghan Markle. This was, in part, caused by the 7(seven) goal bracketing inflicted by The Bees at Griffin Park back at the end of November.

The main question tonight being whether we face a fatally wounded animal or a rabid beast desperately fighting for survival?

Kenilworth Cat – back in the day Luton very much had a rabid beast to inspire 

In part, that will be determined by the way Brentford are set up. For reasons unknown, Emiliano Marcondes seems to have been deemed the fall guy for Saturday’s points dropped. Really? Ok, he didn’t have a great game but who did – the first half especially.  Said seemed on a one man show to impress the cameras, Dalsgaard was wobbly, none of the midfield shone and even the normally unflappable David Raya was adjudged to have given away a soft penalty. Let’s not forget, either, that having been asked to fill in for Mbeumo at Birmingham City the week before, he was now asked to cover for Jensen. Could anyone do that?  Yet instead of recognising all this, the brave keyboard warriors (see also: early season Thomas Frank hate campaign) have been back out in force. Urghh.  

The flip side to all of this is that Shandon Baptiste and Mads Roerslev both hit the ground running when they came on and really helped to haul us back into the game. On merit alone I’d expect at least the former to start this one with Emiliano dropping to the bench. For now. From there he can come on, score a screamer and send the hate mob packing. 

Emiliano has had his moments this season. how does negativity help?

But if Jensen is still deemed unfit (as I believe to be the case), and Baptiste starts, I honestly think we have that ready made replacement to step in and inspire the Bees back to our winning ways. It seems an eternity since we last picked up three points although was only just the other week in the 3-2 over Middlesbrough. Ollie Watkins added to his haul at the weekend and will have both the Luton goal and Aleksander Orlov in his sights this evening. Brentford will be wearing the blue kit that has seen us score eight times in the two games it has been worn to date. More of the same would be very nice, thank you.

It promises to be a tense one. It could be an incredible one. Pack your cakes for the terrace (if you are a Fulham fan – or confused) and see you there.

🍰 This Fulham fan rocking up to their game against Luton with a full cake. Impressive effort!

📸 @Bizzle301987 pic.twitter.com/MqNJnLAHIj

— Amazon Prime Video Sport (@primevideosport) October 23, 2019

I’m not sure if ‘impressive’ is the real  word of choice 

Talking of Fulham, don’t forget that our smattering of away tickets go on sale this afternoon. Priced at a level that would make Leeds United blush (possibly) the £35 for a TV game seems outrageous. Moreso for a club which cannot sell out their three sided ground – I heard them advertising on the radio, again, this morning. The Bees regularly take 6000 to The Cottage and so clearing the paltry allocation we’ve been offered this time around won’t be an issue. It’s more if anyone can justify what we are being asked to pay. Which of course, reluctantly, we will. Twenty’s plenty? Not at Fulham.

The other thing to catch my eye was a request to ‘Save The Terrace Talk one’. This after supporter Bradley Tomkins, amongst others, picked up on Saturday’s programme piece calling for a one-off return of our favourite video feature from days gone by. Whilst former host Sean Ridley has gone on public record as saying he’d be well up for it if asked, Bradley has shared a somewhat terse message regarding the possibility….

Isn’t that the point? We all know he has left. We all know he isn’t going to do this full time. Instead, much like a returning player / staff member etc it was more a case of recognising somebody who,  if not perhaps deemed an official club legend, was certainly a popular figure from back in the day.

For now, Terrace Talk will have to live on in our memories. Unless, of course, you think a quick email (mine is below although I couldn’t possibly suggest that anyone keen simply copy/paste and send to to enquiries@brentfordfc.com ) may reap rewards : 

Dear Brentford

I note with interest your decision to publish an article in Saturday’s match-day programme (Blackburn Rovers) asking whether the ever-popular Terrace Talk feature could return for a one-off Griffin Park farewell? See also: Centre Circle Challenge.

Whilst I am fully aware that former host Sean Ridley no longer works for the club, as a passionate supporter you may also be aware that he has been in direct contact with yourselves saying he would happily be involved should the opportunity arise.

As such, I wanted to write and show some formal support in the hope that, somehow, words could collide and  – just like the many other returning stars we have seen this season – Sean and the supporters be given their own chance to say goodbye to Griffin Park in that unique style.

Haha well would you look at that 🙈😂

One final outing @BrentfordFC would definitely be welcomed by me 😎👍 https://t.co/8I9LLlwbSR

— Sean Ridley (@ThemeparkRidley) February 22, 2020

Nick Bruzon

The top 12 ‘search terms’ lead to an awkward repeat of past form.

The calm between the storms. Brentford have been and done with the game at Charlton Athletic. The visit of Derby County awaits. I’m not going to deny that Sunday saw somewhat of a cop out in regards to the blog – albeit I stand by what I did. Sometimes, less is more and one can only hope that is the approach taken this coming weekend. Having all the possession and chances counts for nothing if we can’t quite do the business in the final section of the pitch. Something that I am sure will be put right when we receive our latest visit from Frank Lampa….. sorry, old habits die hard.

Being John Frankovich  – no longer a thing 

But with a lazy approach to the weekend review and nothing really happening on bank holiday Monday (from a footballing perspective), that Derby game seems a long way off. On the plus side, it has allowed a chance to play around with the backend static data on these pages. This is territory we visited back in the very early days of this site. So early that  Uwe Rosler was still in charge at the time. 

It was a chance to look at the search terms used by the Internet ( I can take no credit for that side of things) to drive people to one of these articles.

Phrases that, when typed into AOL (Ah, Connie – whatever happened to you and your interactive dress?), Google or Ask Jeeves would then suggest that there may be a relevant article on these pages. Or an interesting one. Your definition of both may, of course, vary.

Yet whilst proving a great source of data, these ‘search terms’ also reveal that there are some people out there with a very niche set of preferences. And that the combination of seemingly innocent key words used in the context of a football blog may be less than innocent when typed in by the (probably) sticky fingers of cyber nerds.

People have ventured here whilst looking for everything from the sublime to the ridiculous. Some of them Brentford related. Some of them not. Amongst other things, these include:

sex pies

Frank Mcparland milk

Sam Warburton naked

Sam Saunders rubber glove

Dickie Davies Asahi beer

Helen Chamberlain leather

Barry Hearn Chuckle brothers

How much is Matthew Benham worth

Harlee Dean fishslapping

Buzzette snapchat

Feet pictures

And my particular favourite : Nick Prochwitz tattoo. 

The mind boggles as to whether that was somebody looking to get one or simply checking out the player’s own bodywork . Either way, not good. 

Would you take a bed wash from this man?

Move over Henry Kelly, Dickie Davies is here

Sam and Dickie. Both have been pictured over the years

Yet whilst looking through these search terms, one in particular caught my eye. Super Victor. In an instant I was taken back three and a bit years to a piece written at the start of the Euro 2016 football tournament and UEFA’s chosen mascot. He of the aforementioned name. Something particularly pertinent given the recent piece about the 2020 equivalent, and it still hurts to say this….…. ‘Skillzy’. Urghh. Feel so dirty.

If the top knotted friend of the children is bad, and he/she/it IS, then it’s nothing compared to the accident that was Super Victor. In more ways than one. You’d think UEFA would learn and hark back to the simpler days of Sweden 1992’s ‘Rabbit’.

Ironically, one so popular he was ported over directly from the previous tournament in 1988 – the only time a mascot has appeared twice. But no, instead of a reproducing rabbit they went for Super Victor. And by the time he had been plastered all over the 2016 tournament, it was too late.

(l-r) Rabbit 1988/92 ; Super Victor 2016 ; ‘Skillzy’ 2020

Only then was it discovered that he shared his name with what was tactfully described as a 5.5kg, 10 inch long ‘industrial sized’ marital aid. People checking out the story at the time were advised not to look up ‘Super Victor Toy’ or visit online adult ‘shopping sites’. Please don’t do it now. I did, for research purposes, and have had to delete my history.

Connie and Jeeves would likely have gone into meltdown whilst nobody wanted any embarrassing incidents in the name of research. The Guardian were amongst those who lead the story back then. They also quoted a source from UEFA who advised, “All we can say is that they [the sex aids] are not produced by Uefa.”

Given Braemar Road JJ had broken the whole ‘Skillzy’ story, I felt duty bound to return the favour last night and introduce him to Super Victor. NOT like that. Get your minds out of the gutter. His own take was as special as last time: 

 “That mascot really is taking a shocker but, mate- if there’s anything even more wrong than a mashup between Corey out of Slipknot and something from Japanese Kabuki theatre, it’s a six year old with a serious coke habit…”

And, as ever, I can’t top that. JJ – here are the keys to the Last Word site. Over to you sir…

Nick Bruzon

Match Of The Day scandal ruins transfer news.

“Mate I’m scandalised…” Not my words but those of Brentford supporter JJ (he of the goal inducing dodgy bladder from the Ealing Road) that reached me last night via the medium of text message. They are words that should unite supporters of every club from West Bromwich Albion and Arsenal to Partick Thistle, Forfar Athletic and beyond. Words which even eclipsed our own news about the signing of striker Nikos Karelis. All this, after reading an article in his son Felix’s copy of BBC Match Of The Day Magazine.

Nikos. Blown away by a scandal from Lineker et al

Mrs. Browns Boys. Made up coffee words – where I gather Star*ucks have now added Trenta to their ‘made up words‘ size range that also includes ‘Tall’ (small, obviously), ‘Grande’ and ‘Venti’. Team GB. Bernie Clifton or, rather, his tinpot England ‘supporters’ ‘band’. Polls about ‘Best Bond’ which have Roger Moore anywhere except number one. Espresso spelt or pronounced Expresso. The world’s weakest joke: Star Wars Day (the one between May the third and May the fifth – aka the fourth of May in our house) etc etc etc. Regular readers – should such a concept somehow exist – know the drill.

There are few things in life which annoy me as much as any of these. Yet Match Of The Day magazine may have just joined the list. Specifically in the latest edition of their publication which included a ‘Best Mascot’ feature.

There was no Buzzette. Anywhere. Gunnersaurus, the Arsenal thing, was absent despite winning the recent World Cup of football mascots. Somehow. West Brom’s Boilerman was conspicuous by his absence. Perennial favourite Kingsley of Partick Thistle was there, although somehow languishing in third place. I’ll let JJ pick up the rest of the analysis with a direct copy paste…

Buzzette – absent. Kingsley – booted into Bronze medal position

JJ: Mate I’m scandalised to see that in Match of the Day magazine the force of nature that is Kingsley is only down at number three for their Mascot of the Year, merely one place above the utter atrocity that is the Euro 2020 effort, ahem, “Skillzy” (take my word for it mate, don’t even look the bastard up…). Not only that but I see that at number one is Wigan’s own Crusty the Pie- all well and good but I hate to break it to the chattering classes fawning over this “ironic and kitsch” dough based hero but Forfar Athletic’s “Baxter the Bridie” beat him to it by several years… 

As regards (shudder…) “Skillzy” I reckon the whole situation can be summed up in three words-anodyne..corporate..wank. Case rests m’lud… Rant over…

Baxter – Noooooooooo

Despite the advice not to, I’ve looked up Skillzy…..

It’s true. Everything JJ says and more. Bad enough that the mascot looks like a cross-eyed serial killer wearing a dead skin mask made from the face of one of his victims. Yet the most heinous of his crimes being use of the extraneous ‘z’ in…’Skillzy’.  Oh, and the top knot. It is a level of bland self-indulgence previously only enjoyed by the aforementioned coffee company. (Large will be fine, thank you). 

Crusty is good, to be fair, but for this new kid on the block to shoot straight in at number is symptomatic of today’s ‘quick fix’ society. Instant gratification syndrome. What a terrible example for any young children who may be reading. Granted, the target audience of the offending publication.

The likes of Buzzette, Kingsley and long established Gunnersaurus have put in all manner of hard yards over the years only to be dismissed in a heartbeat. I must admit to not being overly familiar with Baxter but am sure that Forfar fans will be as frustrated as I am this morning. Possibly.

And, on other news,Brentford official were pleased to say  #WelcomeNikos yesterday. A one year deal has been signed with the option of a second season. Could he be the final piece in the jigsaw? Roll on Saturday’s trip to Charlton where we find out. I’d love to talk more about his but , to quote JJ, “I’m scandalised” by the whole mascot thing.

Now, does anybody have a phone number for The Daily Mail….?

Skill’z’y – appearing on a ‘Wanted’ poster soon

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells

Strap yourselves in. Here we go…..

Dear Gary Lineker and the Match Of The Day team. The football season has started. Whilst you’ll likely be telling us next weekend that the beautiful game is back when the top flight kicks off in anger, things are already underway in some style. Last night saw the goalkeeping calamity that was the 3-3 between Luton Town and Middlesbrough then this afternoon we have the small matter of Brentford v Birmingham City at Griffin Park as the Championship opens in style. Fulham travel to Barnsley and QPR are at Stoke as we once more enjoy the side-battle of seeing who is the best team in West London at this level. There’s the obligatory Leeds United TV game on Sunday before we round things off with the visit of Frank Lampard’s former club Frank Lampard’s Derby County ™ to Huddersfield Town. As importantly, North of the border there’s a cry for help from my pal Kinglsey at Partick Thistle as he takes on Gunnersaurus (Arsenal) in the final of the Mascot World Cup. 

Oh, wow. This is it. We’re here. Season Ticket has arrived. Programme column has been submitted. Plans to meet up for pre-match beers locked in. Early morning stroll around Griffin Park taken.

I had to. One last chance to breathe in the start of a new campaign before the big move up the road. To enjoy the clam before the oncoming storm. It’s a glorious morning in Brentford with clear skies and the sun up just after 6am. Pack the factor 50. And that’s just for the action on pitch where the occasion of a visit from Birmingham City is always a special once. Even better, when it kicks off our season.

Early morning, Griffin Park. Welcome home…

This one is sure to be sizzling. The game is close to a sell out and Birmingham will be on raucous form. If nothing else, it’s not very often they can say they are unbeaten in a Championship campaign yet that is, technically, what their record shows at present with Luton Town toping the fledgling table. So spirits will be high. At least, hopefully, until things kick off. Brentford are strengthened by the fact that, to date, only Romaine Sawyers and Ezri Konsa (£££ ker-chingg) have been sold whilst we welcome a host of summer signings of whom Pontus Jansson from Leeds United is the obvious high profile name.

I’m genuinely excited by seeing him in action. We all know Pontus of old. He’s one of those players who has always been a thorn under the saddle. A player who wears his heart on his sleeve. Who has broken ours in the past. Last season at Elland Road in particular. Who has captained his national side and played in the finals for the World Cup. See also: Brentford’s Henrik Dalsgaard of Brentford.

And now Pontus is a Bee  – signed over the summer at short notice and on a (relative) cut price fee compared to the £10m valuation that was floating around last season. This is bonkers. But brilliant. Something special is happening at Griffin Park and if we can survive the next few days with the squad unscathed then it could be a very special campaign indeed.

I can’t wait for that first goal celebration….

Thomas Frank and the team ended on a real high last time. The second half of the season, trips to Swansea aside, saw us in buoyant form. The team were really firing with Said and Neal, in particular, on scintillating form. There will be no Benrahma today (fitness) but Thomas has already confirmed that both Ollie Watkins and the free-scoring French frontman – (c)  The Middlesex Chronicle big book of Brentford alliteration – are available. Whether they start remains to be seen but common sense dictates that it will be the bench, at best, simply given a lack of pre-season match prep. Then again, this is Brentford. Who knows? We do love a surprise or two.   

As for Birmingham City, there’s not much else to say. There’s an element of their fanbase who seem obsessed with Brentford, going by social media, but as much as anything else for me they are always a great yardstick of our own progress. As we’ve said before, the 90s were a period where our paths seemed permanently inter-twined and, sadly, it was Blues who came out on top more often than not. Albeit that last weekend at Peterborough was about as special as they get. Then they went up during the 94-95 single team promotion season. We came second after going neck and neck (including defeat at St.Andrews three games out from the end) so it was the play-offs. Hmmmm.

If those newer fans think ‘that penalty’ hurt (and it did) the prolonged agony of that campaign concluding and Bees just missing out as what would have been the toughest of promotions came tantalisingly close was another level of pain. Especially given our fate was then confirmed by Play-off semi-final defeat, on penalties, to Huddersfield Town. It was about as gut wrenching as it gets. Nobody needs any more reminder of that or the hero that is Bob Taylor somehow missing that unmissable open goal at the McAlpine in the first leg.

And that was it.  Until recently. We’ve been together for what is now a sixth season, despite Birmingham doing their level best to get relegated on more than one occasion. Yes. Harlee Dean did something stupid. Plus ça change. That’s something he’ll have to live with and which Brentford fans will never let him forget.

How IS that working out?

That’s not obsession but more part of what makes football so magnificent. Those ad-hoc moments that turn into club folklore. Martin Rowlands kissing the badge. Saint & Greavsie prematurely awarding Birmingham City the 91-92 Third Division title before Gary Blissett did his thing at Peterbrough. Russell Slade whining about our celebrating like we’d won the FA Cup. Pontus Jansson’s half-chewed biro. And, of course, the Bees responding to his Birmingham City ‘ten times better’ claim by finishing above Blues for a fourth, and then last season fifth, successive Championship campaign.

No doubt #BeeThDJ will be filled with requests for Daydream Believer today. No doubt the club will ignore them. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. It WAS brilliant fun for the fans when it happened but let’s never go back. Instead, it should remain as another of those folklore moments those of us fortunate to experience will never forget. 

He said it. Not me.

History is great. It should be a means of measuring progress. A means of inspiring. That’s what Birmingham City are for me as much as anything else. Inspiration. Now the chance to write another page in our history begins today. Of course, it is the final season at Griffin Park. We’re going to see and hear loads about that this campaign. Take it all in. Enjoy every second. Once it’s gone, it IS gone. But at the same time, let’s not use it as a distraction. This is a unique opportunity to combine the inspiration with the history.  And I cannot wait for things to get going. Roll on 3pm. See you there.

And if you need something to do prior to kick off, this week has seen the World Cup of Football Mascots unfolding on Twitter. Whilst Buzzette was not selected for the group stage (are they mad?)  that perennial favourite of these pages, Kingsley, was.

The Partick Thistle legend is now in the final against Gunnersaurus of Arsenal and needs your help. Please. At the time of writing, the North London club’s dinosaur (their mascot, not Piers Morgan) is just ahead in the poll but there is still time to turn things around. You can vote below. As long as it’s for Kingsley.

⚽️World Cup of Football Mascots⚽️
FINAL@Gunnersaurus vs. Kingsley @ThistleMascot
⬇️Voting poll below⬇️
Voting ends Sunday @ 4pm
Please RT after you've voted.#WCoFM

— Mascots Minute Silence (@MascotSilence) August 2, 2019

I caught up with my good friend last night (with apologies for going Ian Moose there) and he has promised to visit Griffin Park this season should he end up lifting the trophy. So please, get involved. Imagine the union that would be a coming together of him and Buzzette. If nothing else, its nice to enjoy a ‘World Cup of…’ that’s NOT being promoted by Richard Osman. Much as I enjoy his Pointless show, and I do, the link to his team is always a disturbing one.

We all know Buzzette is awesome. I defy anyone to name a better mascot in the top four divisions. Nice try, Wigan Athletic, but no cigar. Yet things are pretty special at Partick Thistle, too. So please – a vote for Kingsley is a vote for mascot magnificence. Who else could get away with this?  

Nick Bruzon

Ten times better than we could have hoped for – although perhaps not the shirt. Final Griffin Park game revealed.

Well that’s been an interesting few days. Hot on the heels of Yoann Barbet and Garry Monk, the Championship news keeps on coming thick and fast. Brentford fans can now start planning their away days – in theory – after the league fixtures were revealed yesterday. The computer has been very kind to us, even allowing for  early trips to Leeds United and Middlesbrough. Things kick off with a visit from Birmingham City and finish with a final game at home to Barnsley. Elsewhere, we have a new goalkeeper shirt (as Ibuprofen sales go through the roof to cope with the impending migraine) whilst yesterday’s League Cup draw, from a supermarket (as you do) sees us gifted a 24^th chance to experience Griffin Park one more time as Cambridge United are the visitors.

We have a new GK shirt – sunglasses not included.

The excitement levels ahead of the 2019/20 campaign cranked up a few notches now we know when we’ll be playing who. It’s fair to say that the fate handed out to us by the legendary ‘fixture computer’ is ten times better than anybody could have asked for. A visit from troubled Birmingham City, now bereft of both Jota and Garry Monk, kicks things off on August 3^rd. Regardless of any discontent currently being experienced at St. Andrews, I am sure that Blues will have got their house in order by that point. Thus leaving us with as compelling an encounter as one could hope for at any point in the campaign, let alone to get things underway in the late summer sunshine.

Whilst we always trot out the line about waiting ten games until the table has truly been deemed to have ‘taken shape’, August offers a stern test of our credentials that could well give a firm indication of how we are set. Aswell as hosting Birmingham we’ve got away trips to Middlesbrough and Leeds United (sure to be moved for TV, given there’s a ‘Y’ in the day) along with visits from Hull City and Derby County, technically still Frank Lampard’s Derby County, although those Chelsea stories just won’t go away. Plus there’s my favourite of all ‘away days’, the trip to newly promoted Charlton Athletic.

That first month of league fixtures in full

There’s a return to Griffin Park for another fixture favourite – the Boxing Day game. Swansea City are the visitors on December 26^th. I can’t see it being one to trouble Sky and run the risk of being shifted. If for no other reason, Leeds United aren’t involved. QPR away is October 26^th and they visit on January 11^th. Fulham come to Griffin Park on December 14^th whilst we get the chance to pack out the away end and neutral stands on March 14^th.

Rounding it all off is the visit from Barnsley. May 2^nd is the final game at Griffin Park. Thankfully it is one which doesn’t have the additional significance of a local derby or a traditional rivalry – unless, of course, Toby Tyke fancies donning his spikes for a rematch of that infamous mascot race against Buzz Bee. Things are going to be emotional enough on that day without adding to the pressure by chucking in the likes of a Fulham or QPR. Albeit, knowing Brentford we’ll probably make the play-offs this time around, just to give us an additional final game and throw all carefully laid plans for saying goodbye into disarray.

Did he, though?

Next up, the goalkeeper shirt. Cherry Tomato red? Lurid Orange? Definitely electric blue. Definitely ‘different’. Quite how it falls into the ‘retro’ category that the club have been touting, I’m not sure, unless we are talking about a throwback to the garish days of David Button and Graham Benstead?

I have to be honest that my gut reaction was one of abhorrence. It’s not going to fly off the shelves and I’m not going to be rushing out to buy one (except, perhaps, as a Christmas present for Mrs. Bruzon who thinks it’s gorgeous). But having given it a bit more consideration after the knee had jerked, I think this is a smart move from Brentford. And by smart, I mean intelligent rather than stylish.

Goalkeeper’s shirts aren’t traditionally designed to be mass selling items. As long as there’s no clash with the home shirt then bring it on. It has drawn our eye and perhaps the logic here is that it may do the same to opponents. If the colour scheme gives even a fractional advantage then go for it. Who am I to knock kitman Bob’s methodology? I ’m sure he and the club know exactly what they are doing with this one – even if things didn’t work out quite so well for us when ‘that’ Hummel shirt was in use….   

Next, up the draw for the league cup took place yesterday. The tournament sponsors continuing their trend of ‘unusual’ locations/times for the draw and hosting it in a supermarket. Presumably, this is to get people talking about it and mentioning their names so, out of principal, I won’t. Moreso, given that in Brentford at least, the aforementioned supermarket survives only by reason of having no competition rather than customers going there through choice. If their usual empty shelves and ‘borderline’ use by dates was anything to go by, you’d have been forgiven for expecting several of the balls to be missing or the likes of Bradford Park Avenue or Middlesbrough Ironopolis to be included.

Anyway, nonsense aside, we’ve been given a home tie. Cambridge United. In a draw which I’m amazed isn’t rigged – given the number of big-name ties that seem to come out every time the balls are pulled – the first round also sees Wimbledon play MK Dons and the ‘media love-in’ derby between Salford City and Leeds United. One can only assume those two will be picked for TV coverage. Leeds on the box – who’d have thought it?

And finally, as unsubtle as ever, if you’d like to read more (to coin a phrase)….. please do download a copy of the Last Word season season review – containing the least bad of these columns from the World Cup to Aston Villa deserving to win the play offs. It also includes the World Cup aswell as all the ‘Park Life’ articles submitted for the matchday programme and so not previously available on these pages.  

ALL proceeds received are being donated to the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust so what better way to remind yourself how brilliant 2018/19 was? To kill a bit of time on the commute to work / on your summer holidays / on the toilet etc You can download it , now, for your kindle , iPod telephone or other electronic reading device here.

At £1.99 it’s cheaper than half a pint so what’s to lose? Apart from £1.99 – which then goes to a great cause anyway. Many thanks again. And enjoy.

Nick Bruzon

 

What can you say? Where do you start?

Where to begin today? In the normal course of events, we’d start by talking about Norwich City v Brentford. Yet having gone to bed and then woken up with nothing but the horrific story from Leicester City at the forefront of the football news, I’m just in shock. As, it seems, is the entire football community. With no official word as yet, we’re still hoping for a miracle yet fearing the worst following the crash of club owner Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha’s helicopter outside their King Power stadium following the Foxes 1-1 home draw with West Ham.

There are no words to describe what has happened. Moreso given how visible this was. We’ve all seen the images of the aftermath and they are terrifying. One can only feel for the families, the fans and all involved at a club who have done nothing but win friends over the last few years.

Who amongst us didn’t cheer when Leicester City defied those 5,000-1 odds to win the Premier league. Beat the top flight far cats time and again to keep up the pace, defy the pundits and win the league. What a refreshing breath of fresh air to those of us who don’t support the likes of Chelsea or Manchester City/United with their logic defying budgets and wealth of world stars at their disposal. What an inspiration to those of us supporting the likes of Brentford.

With the right stewardship, unfancied teams can triumph. They can beat the ‘bad guys’. They can make the dream a reality.

We went to Norwich City yesterday. We lost. 1-0. It wasn’t a great game in the grand scheme and it wasn’t a particularly classy goal to concede. Daniel Bentley’s penalty save from ex-Bee Jordan Rhodes one of the few highlights from a Brentford perspective. Neal Maupay somehow not equalising when most of us were already celebrating.

Brentford press in the first half.

Despite this, it was what happened off-pitch at Carrow Road that showed me, yet again, how wonderful football can be. What an incredible family there is involved. From both sides.

It’s not even called into question that there will be no quarter given when the whistle blows. Nothing but backing the team, barracking the officials (in the unlikely event that they make a decision we can clearly see was incorrect) and enjoying the misfortunes that befall our opponents on the day.

Yet with HB fortunate enough to be one of two ‘away’ mascots on the day, there was only generosity and magnificence shown to him from start to finish on the occasion of his first Brentford road trip. Norwich were fantastic – let’s get that out there immediately. Staff, fans and players. Even manager Daniel Farke stopped by for a chat with HB, fellow mascot Harvey and Thomas Frank when the players arrived.

Nonetheless, it was Brentford who really raised the bar. The players all stopping for a photo and an autograph with a five year old who is fast shedding that customary shyness in their presence. A quick chance to stick our heads around the door of that infamous pink ‘away’ dressing room. A chance encounter with the ever friendly Chairman Cliff Crown (“Who’s that, daddy?” – sorry, Cliff). Kitman Bob being the legend that he always is and Peter Gilham clearing the scrum around the dugouts as the players warmed up, in order that Harry could get his picture with Thomas.

Peter can now add ‘Minder’ to his many duties at Griffin Park

Big up to Harvey, too. The two lads were given the choice of who would get to lead out the team. He didn’t even question it but immediately offered the role to his younger counterpart. I can’t thank him enough but, equally, think this shows (once again) the attitude that runs throughout this club. Through so much of football. Yet which is so rarely seen in the wider world. Which needs to be talked about. That, actually, it’s not all those things the press love to highlight such as morons singing awful songs, chanting racist abuse and fighting. There’s a ton of great stuff happening too.

Which is as much as anything why, as an outsider looking in, we could all get behind what happened at Leicester City. They were an unfancied club but one doing things the right way. Doing it with the fans. And what a reward for doing so. Winning the Premier League. A Champions League run. Players now picked for England, and beyond, on a regular basis. And now this.

One can’t even begin to quantify the sheer awfulness of what we’ve seen unfolding. Of what may be announced over the next few hours or days. One thing’s clear though, the footballing world is united and sending nothing but love to Leicester City.

Nick Bruzon