Match Of The Day scandal ruins transfer news.

“Mate I’m scandalised…” Not my words but those of Brentford supporter JJ (he of the goal inducing dodgy bladder from the Ealing Road) that reached me last night via the medium of text message. They are words that should unite supporters of every club from West Bromwich Albion and Arsenal to Partick Thistle, Forfar Athletic and beyond. Words which even eclipsed our own news about the signing of striker Nikos Karelis. All this, after reading an article in his son Felix’s copy of BBC Match Of The Day Magazine.

Nikos. Blown away by a scandal from Lineker et al

Mrs. Browns Boys. Made up coffee words – where I gather Star*ucks have now added Trenta to their ‘made up words‘ size range that also includes ‘Tall’ (small, obviously), ‘Grande’ and ‘Venti’. Team GB. Bernie Clifton or, rather, his tinpot England ‘supporters’ ‘band’. Polls about ‘Best Bond’ which have Roger Moore anywhere except number one. Espresso spelt or pronounced Expresso. The world’s weakest joke: Star Wars Day (the one between May the third and May the fifth – aka the fourth of May in our house) etc etc etc. Regular readers – should such a concept somehow exist – know the drill.

There are few things in life which annoy me as much as any of these. Yet Match Of The Day magazine may have just joined the list. Specifically in the latest edition of their publication which included a ‘Best Mascot’ feature.

There was no Buzzette. Anywhere. Gunnersaurus, the Arsenal thing, was absent despite winning the recent World Cup of football mascots. Somehow. West Brom’s Boilerman was conspicuous by his absence. Perennial favourite Kingsley of Partick Thistle was there, although somehow languishing in third place. I’ll let JJ pick up the rest of the analysis with a direct copy paste…

Buzzette – absent. Kingsley – booted into Bronze medal position

JJ: Mate I’m scandalised to see that in Match of the Day magazine the force of nature that is Kingsley is only down at number three for their Mascot of the Year, merely one place above the utter atrocity that is the Euro 2020 effort, ahem, “Skillzy” (take my word for it mate, don’t even look the bastard up…). Not only that but I see that at number one is Wigan’s own Crusty the Pie- all well and good but I hate to break it to the chattering classes fawning over this “ironic and kitsch” dough based hero but Forfar Athletic’s “Baxter the Bridie” beat him to it by several years… 

As regards (shudder…) “Skillzy” I reckon the whole situation can be summed up in three words-anodyne..corporate..wank. Case rests m’lud… Rant over…

Baxter – Noooooooooo

Despite the advice not to, I’ve looked up Skillzy…..

It’s true. Everything JJ says and more. Bad enough that the mascot looks like a cross-eyed serial killer wearing a dead skin mask made from the face of one of his victims. Yet the most heinous of his crimes being use of the extraneous ‘z’ in…’Skillzy’.  Oh, and the top knot. It is a level of bland self-indulgence previously only enjoyed by the aforementioned coffee company. (Large will be fine, thank you). 

Crusty is good, to be fair, but for this new kid on the block to shoot straight in at number is symptomatic of today’s ‘quick fix’ society. Instant gratification syndrome. What a terrible example for any young children who may be reading. Granted, the target audience of the offending publication.

The likes of Buzzette, Kingsley and long established Gunnersaurus have put in all manner of hard yards over the years only to be dismissed in a heartbeat. I must admit to not being overly familiar with Baxter but am sure that Forfar fans will be as frustrated as I am this morning. Possibly.

And, on other news,Brentford official were pleased to say  #WelcomeNikos yesterday. A one year deal has been signed with the option of a second season. Could he be the final piece in the jigsaw? Roll on Saturday’s trip to Charlton where we find out. I’d love to talk more about his but , to quote JJ, “I’m scandalised” by the whole mascot thing.

Now, does anybody have a phone number for The Daily Mail….?

Skill’z’y – appearing on a ‘Wanted’ poster soon

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells

A good news, bad news, interesting news kind of day as Bees prepare for Fulham.

Well, yesterday was all over the place. With Brentford looking to follow last Friday’s West London derby win over QPR with a repeat against Fulham there was bad news, good news and interesting news coming out of Griffin Park. That final point, one which will have as much intrigue for Cottagers as Bees with the three most exciting words in the English language : Terrace Talk Extra.

First up; the bad news. We all feared the worst when Lewis Macleod collapsed in a heap at Loftus Road last week. An elongated period of treatment that saw the player eventually stretchered away took the shine off an otherwise wonderful evening.

Despite our most optimistic hopes, the realist amongst the Brentford faithful braced themselves for bad news. Sure enough, it has now been delivered. Not only will Lewis miss the game against Fulham but, indeed, the next nine months as he undergoes what has been described as ‘reconstructive knee surgery’.

It’s terrible news for Lewis. The Brentford family all know his well documented struggle with injury yet, this season, it looked like he’d finally got past all of that. A series of strong performances had seen him as one of the star players in Dean Sith’s team yet now the future must seem a bleak one.

That said, he couldn’t hope for a finer support network around him. Brentford have always shown tremendous long term faith in their injured players whilst several of his own team mates have been there, too.

Andreas Bjelland missed almost the entire of last season following a severe knee injury picked up less than 45 minutes into his debut  – ‘that’ cup match against Oxford United. Likewise, in Scott Hogan we have a man a man who has more than been there before coming back bigger and better after an agonising 18 month wait to return from reconstructive surgery after his own, well documented, knee ligament injury.

Indeed, the infrequent ’tweeter’ broke his usual vow of cyber silence yesterday to post this message :

He'll be back stronger and better (if possible) than ever , chin up mate @LewisMacleod_ back in no time!

— Scott Hogan (@ScottHogan92) November 2, 2016

Any further words at this juncture would seem somewhat trite. The Brentford family will all be behind Lewis, wishing him the very best. Here’s hoping he’s back on the anti-gravity treadmill before we know it.

The other tweet to catch my eye yesterday was from Lasse Vibe – the aforementioned interesting news.

It was nothing more complex than the ‘scissors’ emoji followed by a link to instantgram, “whatever that is”, to quote one of Peter Gilham’s finest on pitch announcements from last season. Well, it seems that in this instance Lasse has had a makeover.

Lasse Vibe: Hair today. Gone tomorrow

Gone are the flowing locks to be replaced by super smart new look and accompanying glasses. The reaction around cyberspace seems largely a popular one. Top comments to his post included: “footballer to wizard in one cut!”  , “Looks like you should be in University Challenge!” and the somewhat worrying thought “Please don’t become like Torres after his haircut “.

That said, the new image did have me wondering whom Lasse now resembles. The Boy wizard? Bees fan Simon? El Niño himself? Or somebody else?

Personally, I prefer the ‘or somebody else’ option, simply because it allows us to crank out a montage. Clockwise from top right, could it be: Brett Stark from mid-90s Neighbours (kids, ask  your mums), Magne from A-ha (again, kids ask….) , Brad Pitt or our own video editor par excellence , Sean Ridley?

Who’s got that Vibe?

And talking of Sean Ridley (as seamless a name drop as noted pie fantasist Ian Moose offering birthday wishes to “my good friend….”), Wednesday’s good news saw a bonus: Terrace Talk Extra.

Coming in at close to thirteen minutes of head to head brilliance, it sees  a Fulham fan venturing deep into the heart of enemy territory. Well, The Griffin. There, he has gone one-on-one with one of our own for a light hearted, but very informative, preview of Friday night’s game.

Which Brentford player would Fulham most like to sign? Who is elderly ‘keeper with a generic name, Ted Smith ? How many loving shots of delicious and refreshing Frontier lager could Sean cram in?

You can find the answers to all of these in Terrace Talk Extra: below.

Who comes out on top? Brentford or Fulham?

And finally, an apology for an oversight. Tuesday saw the Last Word rundown of the best ever Brentford moustaches. Yet, it would seem, there has been a major oversight. No Barry Tucker.

Well I’m more than happy to put that right. Better late than never, here’s Barry’s ‘tache…

Nick Bruzon

QPR – Brentford game gives additional food for thought.

QPR 0 Brentford 2. Sorry. Just had to say that again. Our first win at Loftus Road since the mid-60s is something worth celebrating. Moreso, given the manner in which it was achieved.

Yesterday’s column looked at the highlights and (mostly) positives from that game but one thing missing from that one was a reminder of footballing past. Not the QPR fans fighting amongst themselves, as has been widely reported but more an attitude on show that was, perhaps, more associated to the era of our previous victory in Shepherds Bush.

1894 – Nettie Honeywell founds the British Ladies’ Football Club “With the fixed resolve of proving to the world that women are not the ‘ornamental and useless’ creatures men have pictured”.

1920 – 53,000 turn up on Boxing Day to watch Dick Kerr’s Ladies of Preston play St. Helen’s Ladies at Goodison Park.

1921 – The FA bans Women’s football from being played in grounds used by it’s member clubs.

1969 – The Women’s Football Association (WFA) is created with 44 member clubs.

1971 – FA lifts the aforementioned stadium ban.

1991  – Wendy Toms becomes the first women named as a ‘fourth official’ in the English football league. A role followed by her being named the Leagues first female referees’ assistant in 1994, before eventually graduating to the Premier League.

1999 – Over 90,000 spectators attended the Women’s World Cup Final.

2015 – England come third in the Women’s World Cup.

2016 – Ginsters launch their ‘food for hungry men’ campaign at EFL grounds in England.

Welcome to the strange world of football, 2016.

After the important message delivered by the FA in regards to their views on the role of women in football with the five game ban handed out to Brentford midfielder Alan McCormack for abuse to an official including reference to gender, this is what we get.

At a time when child obesity is at an all time high and we are doing everything possible to encourage healthy lifestyle through fast paced sporting activity rather than fast food, this is what we get.

When the women’s game continues to evolve and becomes more popular than ever before, this is what we get. An advert that comes across as sexist and stupid. Hungry men are welcome, but hungry women better go elsewhere.

Come on. It’s the 21st century; not the 1920s. Is there really any need for this? Is it even appropriate? With discrimination against women and homophobic ranting quite rightly castigated as a by-product of darker times that needs to be eradicated, we’re offered what is at best a strange celebration of macho culture and at worst comes over as stealth sexism.

Would it have been possible for the EFL to tell Ginsters where to stick their snacks? Should they have done or is it simply an over-reaction? For all their promotion of gender issues and healthy living when it suits, to then take this style of advertising revenue seems somewhat case of double standards.

The eagle eyed amongst you have may have noticed a similar advertisement  in prime position by each of the goals at Griffin Park earlier in the season. These have since been removed but were, from what I understand, part of a centrally driven advertising campaign rather than any proactive effort from Brentford to try and corner the pasty market.

Look, I’m not a complete idiot. I get that a pie, along with the half time bovril, is part of football’s rich tapestry. Indeed, I’ve had many a ‘chicken balti’ at Griffin Park whilst was once lucky enough to try the boardroom specials (and they are a culinary treat that would have Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood salivating).

But why should this be exclusive to men? Why should our female fans be deemed surplus to requirements when the chance comes to quash their hunger with these artery-busting treats? Why should progressive, family clubs such as Brentford be dragged along with, and tainted by, an advertising campaign that seems very much a relic of the past?

Quite simply, would it have been that hard to swap the word ‘men’ with ‘fans’ ?

Nick Bruzon

Dear Wales Online – welcome to West London

Boo hoo hoo. Poor Cardiff City – having to travel to Brentford rather than Manchester United next season.And this is meant as no offence to ‘Bluebirds’ supporters but, simply, the obvious reaction to the numpties at ‘Walesonline’.

The Welsh website couldn’t have have written a more patronising, lazy and poorly researched article if they’d tried. Fancy that, having to visit Griffin Park next season. It’s here, if you want to see what they are whining about.

Let’s face it, a trip to Old Trafford is hardly a lifestyle choice for a team who have been fortunate enough to grace the top flight for a solitary season. I wish them well – genuinely. As a Brentford fan, I know what it is like to cheer on the underdog.

However, after years of trying (and don’t forget it was only a decade ago that we shared the same, third, division) Cardiff City finally made a return to the promised land. And then, promptly, left it on the first train back to the Championship.

I wouldn’t wish relegation on anybody. Moreso those that have to suffer the random stylings of crackpot owner Vincent Tan. But for those journalists who had just got used to the Old Trafford prawn sandwiches, get ready for the Griffin Park Balti Pies.

One things for sure and, to quote ‘Walesonline’,  “It ain’t going to be as glamorous”.

 

England fans; poles apart. Rod Hull 1 Bernie Clifton 0

England, oh England. I’d like nothing more than for the national side to qualify for World Cup 2014 tonight. As a Brentford fan it’s my only chance (for now, I’ll discount Gibraltar’s chances of being able to qualify for anything) of being able to support a team in competition outside the domestic campaign.  But watching England comes with a hefty price tag.  For every giddy high of a Wembley win, comes the sickening low of the troublesome trombones and flat trumpets that make up the, so called,  ‘supporter’s band’.

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.