Mascot magnificence poses big question. And is this the best football record ever?

So Brentford now know at least one more team we’ll be playing next season after West Bromwich Albion missed out to Aston Villa in the play-offs. A 1-0 win on the night in a game that our former head coach , not surprisingly, thought his team should have won wasn’t enough to see The Baggies reach Wembley. Frank Lampard’s Derby County ™ and Leeds United do battle this evening for the chance to join them . What price a Leeds – Villa rematch in that one….. More importantly, we have quite wonderful news c/o Matt Dyson on Absolute Radio about what is, quite possibly, the greatest football / music crossover since Hoddle and Waddle.

First up, the play-offs. Aston Villa are through. West Brom aren’t. It was yet another example about how wonderful an experience it is for the winning side aswell as the neutral observers. Conversely, how utterly devastating for those who missed out. I love them and dread them in equal measure yet let’s not pretend it would have been quite wonderful to see Brentford involved last night. Instead, we had to settle for Dean Smith doing his thing.

Hang on. Let me confer with the judges….. Yes. A Dean Smith full house is declared… #WBAEFL pic.twitter.com/TsD9CD9msH

— Nick Bruzon (@NickBruzon) May 14, 2019

I’ve all the time in the world for Dean. We’ve written about him on these pages many, many times. Nobody could doubt his enthusiasm or passion. He took Brentford to the position of being joint favourites for the Championship title as recently as October before succumbing to the obvious lure of his boyhood club.

The only gripe being his constant insistence in every post-match press conference that his team ‘deserved to win’ – regardless of whether the game ended in draw, defeat or victory. We saw it at Griffin Park. We’ve seen it with Villa. Even our own three points taken from the Villans back in February saw him repeating those oft heard words following Neal Maupay’s injury time winner, “On the scale of chances, not what we deserve”.

Perhaps it is Dean’s party piece nowadays. As familiar a soundbite and football cliché as the flourish of a Keith Stroud yellow card, mention that ‘The shackles are off’ at Manchester united (even if they seem to have now reattached themselves) or the Rams being rebranded as Frank Lampard’s Derby County ™. And whilst it would be nice if Dean could perhaps change the record, it would be churlish to offer him anything but the hugest congratulations at this juncture. Nobody could deny how he has lifted Aston Villa and taken them to the brink of a top flight return.

Bingo cards at the ready for the final

The other point of note from last night was a piece of mascot related magnificence. Things don’t get more pressured or stressful than a penalty shoot out. With West Brom looking to compose themselves and prepare for the vital spot kicks, who was that joining the huddle? None other than the club mascot, of course. As you do.  Sadly, the anthropomorphic onlooker was unable to inspire the team as they just missed out.

It also posed the question of what has happened to Boiler Man? Why wasn’t he in the huddle too? Could his absence from this crucial gathering have been the narrow margin between victory and defeat? Who knows. However, should Brentford find themselves in this position in twelve months’ time, then the key fact to note is that both Buzz AND Buzzette must be involved.  

Get in there

Then, this morning, something even more incredible than Buzzette being caught In flagrante delicto with Boiler Man and Kingsley happened. Petr Cech has only gone and made a record. Yes, that Petr Cech. With drummer, Roger Taylor. From Queen (not Duran Duran).

Entitled ‘That’s Football‘ you can hear it below. Please. Do so. Now. The news was brought to us on The Absolute Radio breakfast show by co-host Matt Dyson and , it has to be said, the record is stunning. Absolutely stunning. So bad it’s amazing.

Described as John Barnes crossed with Kraftwerk, it sees the former Arsenal goalkeeper to produce a quite incredible performance that is, essentially, a list of things that happen at football. All of which are  spoken/delivered in alternate lines by Cech and Taylor.  Think Wiliam Shatner channelling Arnold Schwarzenegger

Victory. Happiness. Glory. Fame.

The Pitch. The Roar. The Crowd. The Score

It could be the best football record ever. And that’s saying something. I’d love to hear this on #BeeTheDJ next season. Better still, what about Brentford running out to this one…..?

Thank you Matt. Thank you Roger. And thank you, Petr.

Nick Bruzon

Brentford draw, Swansea and Palace get Santa’s sack and 2016 is summed up in one tweet. A week (and a bit) in football – The Good , The Bad and The Ugly.

A bit late this week, or is it on time? The Christmas schedule always puts the calendar somewhat out of sync. Half way through the campaign and Brentford drew 2-2 with Cardiff City to shore up what is now looking like a mid-table season. At the top, Brighton’s fourth win on the bounce (this time over relegation bound QPR) saw them overtake Newcastle United in the battle to top the table. And at the other end Rotherham , Wigan and Blackburn Rovers occupy the relegation slots.

That’s the latest Championship action in nutshell. With double bank holidays throwing the calendar into confusion (today being Wednesday, I think) there has been so much more going on in the division and beyond. In the latest edition of our regular, weekly-ish feature  – we look back at those things you might have missed from the world of social media.

And, as ever, we start at Griffin Park where there isn’t a huge amount to add off a game where referee Simon Hooper dominated affairs. A shame, as it meant that first time around  we were denied moments such as this…..

When @TomField9 drops the double nutmeg #Brentfordfc #FL72 pic.twitter.com/yPD7PPBASd

— Dave Johnstone (@DmrJohnstone) December 27, 2016

Meanwhile, in the first of a Tom Moore double…. does he know something about Dean Smith that we don’t? Or do Get West London need a new pictures editor?

Tom has been keeping himself busy as he’s been covering events at hapless QPR, too. With the not so super hoops slithering down the Championship table to sit just three points above the drop zone, one can only imagine Ian Holloway is starting to shuffle uncomfortably in his own managerial hot seat. It only seems like a few months ago that he was tipping Brentford to be relegated whilst suggesting the Loftus Road outfit (currently 20th) would end the season 11th.Not that anybody will remind him of these in May….

A bit higher up the table, Gianfranco Zola has immediately rewarded the decision of the Birmingham City board to sack Gary Rowett.

This, something also picked up on by BBC man Phil Parry.

Lower down the league ladder, one can only rejoice in the fact that there’s an equally big fall out from a spot kick strop as Brentford suffered after ‘that penalty’.

In the Premier League, it was less Santa’s sack and more a managerial one. Or two. Bob Bradley was relieved of his duties at Swansea City whilst Sam Allardyce took over from Alan Pardew at Crystal Palace. It was nice to see worlds collide….

Brad Bobley's best moment was this pronunciation of Alan Pardew pic.twitter.com/KHJt9mw2lO

— Chris (@chrishorricks31) December 27, 2016

Big Sam was the instant source of further questioning following his appointment.

Although there can’t be any chance of Mr Pardew being out of work for too long.

Meanwhile non-league Bungay Town were quick to jockey for position despite Ryan Giggs being named as odds on favourite for the role at Swansea…

Getting back to matters on field in the top flight, Arsenal continued to display their ambition.

Leicester City took protests about Jamie Vardy’s suspension to another level.

The day after Boxing Day (Tuesday?) saw Liverpool v Stoke City in the televised clash. Despite the Potters having taken a deserved lead, normal service was resumed in some style.

The visiting manager refused to bend from his principles.

Principles which, once reminded of, deserve a repeat viewing just to remember how short ‘short’ shorts were back in the day.

But it wouldn’t be the festive period without a traditional Christmas message from the Queen.

Or in the case of former Everton ‘keeper Neville Southall, an untraditional one.

And there was a Christmas blast from the past.

Although, ultimately, you could sum up the period (and 2016 as a whole) in one tweet.

Finally, as ever, we close with Ian Moose and his birthday friend of the week. Which of his good friends from the world of football did the Talksport DJ wish happy birthday to, via the medium of a Twitter post and picture of them together?

Given it is a period that included December 25 I was half expecting to see him pose with Jesus. However, having checked the little book of footballing birthdays Manchester City’s Navas was born on November 21st.

Instead, this week his ‘good friend’ is none other than former Bee Chris Kamara .

Nick Bruzon 

Who has the best ever Bees moustache? Who is this year’s new entrant?

With Brentford now having a few days to wait until  we resume Championship action with Friday’s night’s TV game against Fulham, there’s time to look at a few things from the archives. Specifically with a top ‘XI’ that is a blatant rip off of a column published two years ago (albeit with one new entrant). Yet I make no apologies as it is for a great cause.

Today, November 1st, sees the beginning of the Movember campaign. Men in your place of work, your home or even Griffin Park will be undertaking that toughest of challenges – growing a moustache. Some will carry it off with all the prowess of flamboyant Queen frontman Freddie Mercury or Tom Selleck in his Magnum heyday; many will end up with barely perceptible wisps. Often, at a totally different colour to the hair on their head. Yet whatever the results, it is all being done to raise funds and awareness about men’s health – primarily the battles against testicular and prostate cancer.

Somebody near you will be engaged in this challenge and so, please, don’t look on them with scorn or disdain. Instead, why not dig deep? Nobody grows a moustache on purpose…

Yet this wasn’t always the way. Looking through the historical archives shows us how common a practice this once was at Brentford. With many people taking up Movember’s  charitable baton, what better way to recognise their forthcoming battle with bum fluff than by reviewing the top ten of moustaches sported by Brentford players through the ages.

This is a totally non-scientific study based on nothing more than personal opinion of moustache quality rather than playing ability. And so with apologies to any noticeable omissions, let’s kick things off….

10 – Roger Stanislaus. The classy left back opted for an equally classy moustache. It takes a brave man to try and carry this off but Roger did it with ease.

Forget ‘what happened next’. Remember the class

9 – Andy Ansah. These days better known for his wonderful Tekkers, in his youth Andy was as famed for his pace as he was for this effort.

Ansah – always displayed wonderful tekkers

8 – Steve Phillips. Was the goal machine from the late 70’s a possible inspiration on none other than Gary Blissett ten years later? Note the similarity in strike rates and facial hair.

The original Gary Blissett?

7 – John Smeulders. The first of three goalkeepers to make the list. Despite only a handful of appearances, his name lives on forever in the pantheon of mustachioed Bees legends.

Smeulders – played with style

6 – Gary Phillips. Another goalkeeper and another quality moustache. Little evidence of this, at least in Brentford colours, exists on the Internet. However, once seen it was never forgotten. Mercuryesque.

a photo as fuzzy as his moustache

5 – Chris Kamara. Like Andy Ansah, Chris is as well known these days for his TV work. But Chris also displayed unceasing loyalty to his moustache – something that continued throughout his playing career and can still be seen this very day. An unbelievable effort.

Unbelievable, Jeff

4 – Gordon Phillips. Was it compulsory to go for the Tom Selleck look if you played for Brentford and were a Phillips? Our third goalkeeper and third player to carry that surname, Gordon is easily the best of that group – moreso as he offsets this with a fantastic pair of sideburns.

Clean sheets but not clean shaven. Wonderful

3 – Gary Blissett. A goalscoring hero to many. A moustache icon to more. How many players can say they sealed a Championship, knocked their beloved Manchester City out of the FA Cup and even ended up in goal a few times – all despite the extra pressure of maintaining finely groomed facial hair? Seen here with former Bees commercial manager, Matt Davis.

Bliss – a hero to many. Then and now

2 – Wayne Turner. Sometimes words are not enough. Just let the picture do the talking.

Move over Terry Thomas

1 – Gordon Sweetzer. I wasn’t fortunate enough to remember seeing Gordon play and so I take a quote from Andy McCulloch to describe his on pitch personality:

““Gordon, now he would go through a brick wall. He was just crazy. He got terribly injured at times. He was a bit like me in a way – he went for things he shouldn’t have. Probably should have stepped back but you can’t with that sort of desire”.

Imagine, as a defender, that bearing down on you but with the added quality of Brentford’s best ever moustache. Absolute class.

Sorry Bliss, Chris and Wayne. Beaten by a worthy champion

Before we go, any football team needs 11 players.  Whilst he may not have made it into the top ten, there is one man at the club who transcends all style. Who has shown over the years that the moustache is still a tradition (albeit a lot less prevalent) which can be carried off by today’s modern players.

At 11, rather than his traditional 7(seven) none other than Sam Saunders.

Just imagine finding this in your Panini stickers 

 

And if anybody  would like to find out more about this year’s Movember campaign or even participate then you can do so here.

Nick Bruzon

Party poop.Barnsley beat Brentford in game 4,000

Move along. Nothing to see here. A day that promised so much ended with Brentford having the candles blown off their own celebration cake by a Barnsley team who took their chances in a gritty game. As the Bees celebrated their 4,000th league game with the commemorative flags handed out to supporters, it was the away side who ended the day celebrating a first league win in 7(seven) games.

“It’s just like watching Brazil” sang the visitors.

“It’s just like watching League One”, sang the home support

“I just can’t get no relief” sang the half time guest of honour, Annelies. That, of course, during her Queen number rather than being any form of match analysis.

Annelies serenades Buzzette. Or is that vice-versa?

Indeed, half time was about as good as it got.

Peter Gilham was on hand to introduce Ben Summers, whose winning competition entry had been selected to be the cover for the programme. However, if Ben was expecting the keys to Griffin Park he was to be sadly disappointed.

“We’d like to say you’ve won a thousand pounds but you haven’t. Just a signed copy of the programme” announced Peter in his usual, avuncular style.

That said, Ben did have the honour of posing for a photograph with the protagonists in that other fan favourite – the half time mascot race. This, an event not seen since Scummy Bunny and Sonic the hedgehog were amongst those to grace the Griffin Park playing surface back in our League One (or was it two?) days.

This time around it was a three way shoot out between Buzz, Buzzette and the Barnsley mascot. I’m not sure if this was Toby the Tyke or, as one New Road observer noted,  Macroencephablitisbrain the bear.

Peter Gilham introduces Ben and the mascots

As for the game itself? I can’t talk about it. The BBC, Beesotted or ‘Official’ are your best hopes if any sort of match report is required. Likewise, the video highlights are already up on Sky, if anybody can draw highlights from yesterday’s game.

That said, two points of note to take away. Firstly, cheering the substitution of Romaine Sayers for Philipp Hofmann. Seriously? One can only hope this was due to the German’s popularity although I suspect not given the criticism the former Walsall man has come in for from certain quarters. Without wanting to get overly preachy, that’s really poor form and hardly going to help a player who would still seem to be settling into Championship life.

Secondly, Dean Smith’s post match interview which contained the pearler. “If we’d taken our chances it might have been a different story.” Hmm. That is, generally, how football works.

Instead, the interviews are probably best confined to those conducted by Sean Ridley with the return of Terrace Talk.

Can we have you every week?

That aside, it simply remains to offer congratulations to  Barnsley for a job well done. As for Brentford, there’s the small matter of a trip to Loftus Road on Friday.

I’m going, again. See you there.

Nick Bruzon

From Brentford to Brazil – but where can we watch the game?

A Sunday lunchtime pint in The Griffin, and a quick chat with Sky News who were filming a piece on the forthcoming World Cup, has caused me to think. A lot.

I had considered writing about yesterday’s big football match (American variety) between Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos but, frankly, life’s too short. And it would have meant watching it.

Good luck to them. Officials dropping handkerchiefs for reasons I’m yet to fathom and the most convoluted timekeeping since Ray Biggar (twenty one years on, us Brentford fans still won’t let it go) just aren’t for me. It’s not for want of trying but I just don’t get it, I’m sorry.

And this is a genuine apology because, as with most thing Americans do, they do it big and they do it oh so well. The coverage, that is.

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.