Imagine no more. Could we be one decision away from the greatest thing ever?

Brentford host Wolverhampton Wanderers this Saturday afternoon. The fallout from the Manchester United game has been done, dusted and (along with the player / team performance summary) written about here. We’ve, likewise, looked forward to the visit from Wolves in yesterday’s column. To be quite honest, the plan had been for a lie in this morning before freezing my bits off in Gunnersbury Park whilst H spends 90 minutes at the weekly Community Sports Trust football training for years 3-6. That was the plan. But something has been niggling. Something kit related. Something utter, utter genius. Something to better even the brown and orange. Yeah. I hear you. Me too. “How is that even possible?” being the universal reaction to such a crazy statement.  

Choc & Orange – much missed

We’ve written about the good people behind @BeesShirts on Twitter before. Their ongoing homage to the history of red and white stripes along with just about anything else we’ve ever worn before. For a shirt nerd like yours truly – who, to be honest, is only a whisker away from Kitman Bob issuing the restraining order once Luis Adriano is finished with it – this is a mandatory inclusion in the social media ‘Follow 400’ max. Honestly, you don’t need any more. It’s just noise and clutter. A therapeutic clear out every now and again to avoid tipping over the magic mark is truly refreshing.

You can thank Twitter guru Richie Firth for that one. Although, I note with dismay he has let his own standards slip and is now up to a terrifying 469. Albeit, the visit to his own page to see that current tally revealed a spot on analysis of Jamie Carragher’s sartorial stylings from last night’s coverage of Watford – Norwich.

Look at the size of Jamie Carragher’s pockets 🧐 pic.twitter.com/CUvn914Qvv

— RICHIE FIRTH (@RichieFirth) January 21, 2022

As ever, we digress. In short – don’t follow more than 400. Do follow @Beesshirts. And if you took the later advice chances are you’d have seen the greatest concept design for Brentford shirt ever. Imagine running out against Manchester United in what they’ve come up with? Well you don’t even need to imagine, if you can make it to the end of this page.

What a concept. What a look. A design based upon that classic London Transport seat material. Bringing the ‘Bus Stop in Hounslow ‘ to life. Reinventing the much loved choc /orange for an unexpected comeback. If nothing else, imagine the global shirt sales form Trainspotters. From travel enthusiasts. As a revenue generator alone, a tie up with LT could see the coffers swelling.

If THIS were to happen…….

Anything Arsenal can do… Inspired by the back seat of the 237 bus, Brentford 'Routemaster' concept 2 #BrentfordFC #Brentford #BeesShirts pic.twitter.com/giVgqjxJLN

— BrentfordShirts.com (@BeesShirts) January 21, 2022

But this is not really about money. This is about looking cool. Looking stylish. Being the trailblazers we so often are. About making Brentford stand out. About being different. About embracing what we have become so intrinsically associated with.

The aforementioned restraining order moved a step closer last night when Kitman Bob was asked for his thoughts on this. Clearly, we’ve stumbled across Matthew Benham’s latest masterplan. What other reason can you give for a reaction of “Hell no !!!!!”. Something I can only think is a coded message to keep quiet and not let the cat out of the bag.

Well, some things do need to be shouted about from the roof tops. Just imagine running out in this. Imagine the envious looks on Cristiano Ronaldo’s eyes if the Manchester United stropmonger had sulked off past players wearing this. Imagine owning something truly unique.

Imagine no more….

Bob, over to you.

What a concept

Nick Bruzon

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My morning with Bush interrupts one kit launch and one kit ‘launch’.

Clanggggg – the sound of a name being dropped. There was no Last Word yesterday as a previous football related engagement with Absolute Radio (more to follow) meant it was a case of being up, ready and out of the house before 6am – the usual point at which this nonsense is being put together. Which was gutting for this kit nerd given that the previous day had seen the launch of the new Brentford away shirt. Gut reaction to that one is that we have an absolute stunner. On the plus side, it means we have had time to ‘enjoy’ the ‘hilarious’ ‘joke’ shirt launch at Huddersfield Town. At least, I am assuming it is a joke launch – at the time of writing that has yet to be confirmed.

It is what it says

Tuesday morning had seen these pages looking for a potential ‘away’ shirt at some point this week. Two hours later and it was on us. Coincidence and pot luck rather than anything more sinister at play, I assure you. I hope. Then again, nothing to hurt by writing that I’m fairly sure Neal Maupay will be signing a contract extension in the next couple of days. Move along – nothing to see here. Back to the shirt.

Oh. My. Word. Umbro and Kitman Bob really have hit the jackpot this season. I loved the home version. Our change strip is glorious. Discarding all the usual techno-babble about breathable material, seams, side panels etc etc that goes with these things, we’ll cut to the chase . If for no other reason than everybody has seen it whilst Luis Adriano has dissected this (and previous versions) in magnificent detail already – do look at his piece which you can find here.

Black. Jet Black. Yellow trim. A monochromatic badge. Bee colours. Beautiful. Just beautiful. It’s the first time in a few seasons I’ll be buying a home and an away kit which, given the state of yours truly’s bank balance, is no small claim. We’ve got it wrong or come close so many times but to hit the mark first time out with both shirts is testament to the partnership being formed with Umbro.

One can only imagine what we’ll have lined up for the third shirt which, reading between the lines, IS coming. Kitman Bob’s tweet in response to a question of whether that would be delivered,  suggesting that we enjoy this one first, implies that there is more to come. And definitely not just me reading into this what I want to.

Great work all round

Talking of Kitman Bob, his Wiz Khalifa clue from earlier in the summer paid out in wonderful style. With fans guessing he meant ‘Black and Yellow’ it was another nice touch from Brentford ‘official’ to title the launch email “Yeah, uh huh, you know what it is…”. They lyrical amongst us / those who double checked on google, just in case (delete as applicable) obviously recognising the opening line from the former Billboard 100 chart topper.

The only downside to any of this is that the ditching of Adidas means we’ve no hope of ever seeing the brown/orange again. Even in the event of a colour clash against, say, Bournemouth who play in red and black. Yet as we bemoaned this sad loss, one Twitter correspondent noted: You’ve just married Helena Christiansen and you’re lusting over Ann Widdicombe?

Personally, I’d say that it was more a case of just marrying Helena Christiansen then lusting over Cameron Diaz. They’re both great. They’re both Brentford. Or are they….

Next up. Huddersfield Town. Yawn. Urghh. Yesterday’s sponsor joke being played at their expense, yet seemingly in full co-operation with the club, has kind of backfired. The obvious knee jerks of disgust were all over social media within nano-seconds. If for no other reason than how do you mess up a sash kit? Surely that’s sartorially impossible?  Peru, Crystal Palace, Vasco da Gama of Brazil have all proven many times how wonderful this design feature can look. 

Then there was the realisation that the size of this logo clearly breached the 250 square centimetre area on the front of a kit permitted for such advertising. The FA have been obliged to step in as we all waste time waiting for the true reveal. I could bang on but, frankly, nobody wants to read about it. The sponsor have achieved their presumed aim of getting people talking about them. Huddersfield, meanwhile, have a short term ‘cult’ classic that is truly deserving of the title: Worst. Shirt. Ever. And given it was worn in last night’s friendly game, could technically now be deemed canon. Even if only for one game. We can all moan about the attrocities at play but the ultimate realisation that people are using the phrase ‘bantz’ to describe what is happening is reason enough to consign this whole sorry affair to the waste bin of history.

Don’t. Promote. Sponsor.

Moving on, I was fortunate enough to be a history maker yesterday morning. Innovation in action, care of Absolute Radio – whom we talk about on these pages from time to time. Ahhh, who could forget Christian O’Connnell and Cameron Diaz in the ‘Are you a Brentford fan’ reveal…? 

This time, it was care of Hometime DJs Andy Bush and Richie Firth  – on the five-a-side pitch.

Who doesn’t love this version of the game? Well, me these days. Primarily because family life means that playing after work is no longer an option. Why go for glory on the astroturf when there’s a school run to do?  And nothing to do with knackered knees or lungs.

So when the chance of flipping the traditional post-work format of the game on its head via an 8am kick-off  presented itself I was there. Boots out of retirement, gloves back on and goalkeeper for Bushia Dortmund. 

What a morning. What a game. What a concept. An 8-7 defeat and swollen finger are a small price to pay for being part of the future. It was magnificent fun. I’d love to blame our narrow loss on the fact that Richie’s Railway Madrid featured a player who was the spit of the villain out of Superman 2 (from that spinny space mirror thing) and had his strength but, ultimately, it was down to my crapness. And Richie’s dexterity as opposing ‘keeper. Very much Neville Southall at the end of his career – in more ways than one. Yet if we can take one thing away from all of this it is that morning football is the way forward.  

Huge thanks to Bush, Richie and all at Absolute Radio. The full video goes live today. The teaser is below. The podcast is up already – you can find that one here.  There’s more to follow.    

The moment we've all been waiting for is nearly upon us! Listen to the Hometime show now on Absolute Radio as @bushontheradio and @RichieFirth are about to reveal who won the Early Doors 5-a-side match this morning. In the meantime here's a teaser of how things unfolded… pic.twitter.com/a9xyBKu3yn

— Absolute Radio (@absoluteradio) July 17, 2019

Until then, you may want to kindly please download the annual Last Word season review for e-book for your kindle, iPod telephone or other electronic reading device. You you can do so, here, with the important bit being that all proceeds received from the £1.99 sale price go to the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust.

It’s shonky, there are typos in it (still) but what better way to while away your time on the commute to work, the toilet, holiday or just simply relive some of the exciting moments from last campaign as we wait for Bob to (hopefully) do his thing for the third time. And then prepare to see them blown out of the water in 2019/20.

Nick Bruzon

England expects as Brentford awaits. Plus your chance to create radio gold.

This is it. The World Cup has been going for almost a week but today is the day. The one we’ve been waiting for. After all the anticipation we finally get our glimpse of what is to come.  The Brentford FC away shirt launch. And over in Russia, England begin their campaign with a game against Tunisia in Volgograd. Yet with Germany going down to Mexico and draws for those others teams named as pre-tournament favourites – Spain, Argentina and Brazil – is this one another giant potato skin waiting to be slipped up on? Plus I’ve a very special radio related Twitter ask that will take you five seconds to help with but could provide audio gold.

First today, the Brentford away shirt. There’s not much can be said at present, given the club haven’t released any images beyond a teaser photo that (unlike last season) has so far defied all manner of photoshop manipulation. So instead, it’s a case of having to wait until 10am when we get our look at the 2018/19 second choice kit. Not forgetting the goalkeepers, either.

All we know so far is that as happened two years ago, the fans have been involved in the photo shoot. Along with the current squad and some former heroes. David Hunt has already appeared (confusing many of our younger supporters) whilst I gather we may also see Marcus Gayle at some point. Beyond that though, your guess is as good as the supporter next to you. This one really has been kept under wraps. See you back here at 10am for first thoughts.

David Hunt – the biggest come back since Lazarus

Next up, the World Cup. England expects and all that. But does it? The build up to the tournament has been as relaxed and low key as I can ever remember. There don’t seem to have been the wall-to-wall adverts, cheesy player–promos or petrol station squad coins to get us excited in the build up as we’ve had in previous camapigns. Quarter finals at best is the general expectation for England and, as such, it really seems to be a case of pressure off. From there, anything is possible.

I can’t tell you too much about Tunisia beyond what I’ve seen in my son’s (definitely his) Panini sticker album. The BBC fact page tells us that they qualified undefeated, have lost only once this year (a 1-0 defeat against Spain) and will likely be hard to breakdown. So a journey into the unknown for many of us although you be sure Gareth Southgate will have done his homework.

With the team already picked, all you have to do is get in for 7pm, switch the TV to BBC and pray that Mark Lawrenson hasn’t been selected for punditry duties. The only other down side about tonight is likely to be ‘that band’. Yesterday’s article and survey has produced an interesting reaction on Twitter, whilst the vote is clearly leaning one way – although perhaps not as heavily as one might have expected. There’s a few hours to go if you want to go for it.

The Telegraph reports that the #England Supporters Band are going to be allowed to bring their instruments into the ground for the #WorldCup. Is this a good thing?

— Nick Bruzon (@NickBruzon) June 17, 2018

Ok – my next twitter ‘ask’ involves the radio. Any regular reader to these pages will likely be aware that it is generally tuned to Absolute Radio in our house. Likewise, former breakfast show host Christian O’Connell played a key role in the ‘Is Cameron Diaz a Brentford supporter?’ reveal a few years back. That was then. This is now. The OC has moved to Australia and his co-host Richie Firth is due to start a brand new ‘Home time’ show with Everton fan Andy Bush in September.

I say brand new. One feature is in the pipeline to follow Richie – his 6.50am ‘Hitler’s Toilet’. Something both intriguing yet, at times, awful. But awful in a ‘so bad its good’ style. Think Nicolas Cage in ‘Drive Angry’.  Always compelling, it is radio gold.  A chance to pick up on a ’water cooler’ moment of a story that the mainstream media are yet to run with. Usually for good reason. Anything from mundane top-tens put together by companies desperately flogging their wares to the latest sighting of over-sized rats living in the sewers or some scientific breakthrough such as the imminent arrival of flying taxis.

Whilst I appreciate I’m not doing this justice, hearing is believing. 10,000 Retweets saves the feature. Please. Do me a favour. Click the below, share the tweet and save the toilet.

The boss said (in the pub) that if this tweet gets 10,000 RTs, he'll let @richiefirth bring his ‘Toilet’ feature to the new Hometime show with @bushontheradio in September.

You know what do… pic.twitter.com/vnkjVJmJf9

— Absolute Radio (@absoluteradio) June 13, 2018

And finally, I just wanted to offer a HUGE thanks to all those who have downloaded one of the season review e-books to date. With all proceeds raised going towards the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust, I can’t say how grateful I am to our fans. Don’t forget also that if you do this before the end of June, I’ll put you into the draw to win an exclusive ‘third’ shirt given to me by a source close to the club – just DM / tweet me your download confirmation mail so as I can add your name.

Ten Times Better. Brentford FC Season review: 2017/18. Inspired by ‘that’ interview it contains the least bad of these columns in one, handy volume as it looks at our own campaign as well as wider divisional life and the promotion / relegation races.

As a bonus there’s a whole host of new material. New that is, for my pages. Specifically, all the programme articles submitted (both home and away where, if nothing else, you can get the original versions of both Birmingham City and Millwall).

In addition, There Is No Plan B. Brentford FC Season reviews: 2013/14 – 2017/18 takes us all the way back to the start of this latest leg in the journey. That penalty. League One. Harlee Dean was a hero. Jota was something we thought happened to the temperature for one week in July. Alan Judge had joined on loan whilst the Marinus Experiment was something nobody had contemplated. Bringing things bang up to date by the inclusion of this year’s volume alongside the four previously published campaign round ups, it has five seasons in one weighty tome. As weighty as a download can be, that is.

Relive the memories. See how often the same material gets regurgitated. Remind yourself about the likes of Betinho, Martin Fillo, Javi Venta and Marcos Tebar. Pinch yourself at just how far we have come in such a short space of time.

Nick Bruzon

A ball of confusion in the cup. Matt Dyson talks Warbs, radio and football ahead of Brentford v Nottingham Forest

Another League cup draw; another ball of confusion. If the first round draw was a farce (Charlton being drawn both home and away) things were no better second time around. Brentford will meet QPR in the second round of the League Cup. Seemingly the game to be played at Griffin Park on first call but the somewhat odd use of a third pot to determine ‘home’ or ‘away’ left fans and officials what we will politely call ‘baffled’. All this before we get to the main event of the next few days – the visit of Nottingham Forest in the league.

Who’d have thought that using three pots to determine a two team cup tie would end in anything but a cock up? And sure enough, it did. Despite the Bees being called as ‘home’ by former player John Salako, question marks were immediately raised over the colour of his venue ball. Even official, once more displaying this season’s new found sense of humour, hit the nail firmly on the head.

And if you’d like to read more whilst helping the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust …. the rest of this article can now be found in the Kindle e-book Ten Times Better. Brentford FC Season review: 2017/18. Inspired by ‘that’ interview it contains the least bad of these columns in one, handy volume as it looks at our own campaign as well as wider divisional life and the promotion / relegation races.

As a bonus there’s a whole host of new material. New that is, for my pages. Specifically, all the programme articles submitted (both home and away where, if nothing else, you can get the original versions of both Birmingham City and Millwall).

In addition, There Is No Plan B. Brentford FC Season reviews: 2013/14 – 2017/18 takes us all the way back to the start of this latest leg in the journey. That penalty. League One. Harlee Dean was a hero. Jota was something we thought happened to the temperature for one week in July. Alan Judge had joined on loan whilst the Marinus Experiment was something nobody had contemplated. Bringing things bang up to date by the inclusion of this year’s volume alongside the four previously published campaign round ups, it has five seasons in one weighty tome. As weighty as a download can be, that is.

Relive the memories. See how often the same material gets regurgitated. Remind yourself about the likes of Betinho, Martin Fillo, Javi Venta and Marcos Tebar. Certainly, if there’s no Marcos Tea Bar at Lionel Road it will be an opportunity missed.

All proceeds from any sales will go to the Community Sports Trust. For less than the cost of a half / pint respectively, they may help while away some time on the commute. By the pool on holiday. In the bathroom. Who knows? It will certainly do some good for the Trust, whose work has been well documented at Griffin Park but you can read all about it on their site.

And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve been given something very special. A 2017/18 third team shirt with Lewis Macleod’s squad number on the reverse in the EFL typeface. Anyone with half an interest in Bees kits will know that these were never made available in the club shop.  Anyone who has read any of this before will know what a kit nerd yours truly is so when I say this is rare, take that in good faith!

To be in with a chance of owning it, download a copy of either before the end of June 2018 and you’ll go into a draw to win this. Just DM/tweet me (@NickBruzon) a copy of your purchase confirmation mail and I’ll add your name to the list before selecting a random Bees fan to win this on July 1st.

 

 

The Gameweeek podcast can be found at the i-tunes store   – its free and well worth a listen for anyone with an interest in football – fantasy or otherwise.

The Gameweek podcast – out now

Nick Bruzon

 

That Sky One Harchester United thing. Dear Sky TV, Andy Ansah, Richie et al….

These pages usually talk about Brentford FC but, occasionally, we look further afield than Griffin Park. Today is just one of those. It is a time when we need to look back to look forward. And also ask the question – is it time for a footballing renaissance?

“That Sky One Harchester United thing”. Not my words but those of Absolute Radio DJ Richie Firth, talking on Wednesday morning’s Christian O’Connell Breakfast show. Regular readers may well be aware of, amongst other things, the show’s role in resolving the Cameron Diaz / Brentford story (something which, for the record, our own club commentator par-excellence Mark Burridge also had a hand in at one point).

But this was not a discussion about celebrity fans (or lack of). Instead, it was talk of actor Ricky Whittle and his current role in TV series American Gods. The actor, who has also appeared in Hollyoaks and on Strictly Dancing, is probably best known for playing Ryan Naysmith on what Richie had called That Sky One Harchester United thing. Or, of course, Dream Team.

Ahh, Dream Team. Running for ten series, the show was centred around the ongoing and progressively more outlandish events at fictional football club Harchester United. Combining real life stadia and action (often Leicester City, Chelsea or Everton but with the contrast turned up to make their blue shirts look like Harchester’s purple) the show was as loved for its crazy plots as the frequent use of celebrity cameos. From Ron Atkinson to John Barnes, even one time Bee’s boss Steve Coppell had a go at channeling his inner Marlon Brando. It wasn’t good.

Yet perhaps the most famous of these actors was another former Bee (and member of our ‘top ten moustaches‘ club), Andy Ansah. Forget his later work on ‘Street Striker’ or numerous films and adverts though. For me his crowning glory was six series reciting variants of: ‘Get warmed up lads’ and ‘Alright, Gaffer?’ whilst playing himself, as the club’s first team coach.

Ansah – wonderful Tekkers

I caught up with Andy a few years ago whilst writing a ‘Where Are They Now’ article for the Griffin Park match day programme. It goes without saying that the main topic of conversation was this wonderful, wonderful show. It was a truly privileged behind the scenes insight (and you can read more below) but, if I’m being equally honest, since finishing in 2007 the show has slipped from most people’s memory.

But then Wednesday saw Richie do his thing, even taking to Twitter where he noted, “Everytime I pass the Dragon’s Lair on the train at Millwall I get misty eyed. Bring it back @sky1”

Boom. Quicker than you could say Karl Fletcher, Lynda Block or Luis Amor-Rodriguez (think of a low budget Jota) the memories came flooding back.

Murder at the FA Cup final. The plane crash. The coach crash. The coach explosion at the Millennium Stadium. Liverpool (the real Liverpool) being linked in the papers with a £3.5 million swoop for Didier Baptiste back in 1999. Cue much egg on face when it transpired they weren’t actually bidding for a Monaco player but actually looking at a character from a TV show.

L-R, John Black, Luis Amor-Rodriguez, Karl ‘Fletch’ Fletcher, Sean Hocknell

It wasn’t just me. Pick of the highlights to subsequently flood Twitter was that of @JohnDryden1 who noted: Lawlor in goal? That must of been after Jamie Parker held his team mates at gun point in the changing room.

As you do.

But now, ten years on, is it time to bring back Dream Team? Does Richie, a one time self-proclaimed soothsayer of scores, have his finger on the footballing pulse once again?
Would people watch it ? Yes, yes and yes have to be the answers to all three questions.

Sky 1, if you are reading (you probably aren’t ) how about it? Natalie Sawyer, any chance you could have a word with the bosses?  Andy Ansah (again, probably not reading), if anybody has the contacts it must be you?

With Griffin Park around the corner from Sky HQ and a new stadium on the horizon in Lionel Road, then what better time to bring this back with a progressive club filling the role of the new Harcehster? They’ve used Watford. They’ve used Millwall. They’ve even used Brentford (albeit as part of the May 2007 Open Day when a Harchester United team played the Community Sports Trust at Griffin Park.

How about Brentford doing it again – for real ?

If any show deserves a reboot, then Dream Team must be top of the list. If it worked for Doctor Who and Dallas then imagine what could be done now. Come on Sky, the world of football demands it.

Andy dons the monogrammed tracksuit in his Harchester United days

And if anybody was in any doubt about the love for the show, this is what Andy Ansah himself had to say about it in that aforementioned interview:

Having finally retired from playing, all of a sudden Andy appeared on Sky one’s football based ‘drama’ series, Dream Team, playing himself at fictional club ‘Harchester United.’ A guilty pleasure for many viewers, myself included, but for all the wrong reasons! Wooden dialogue, outrageous plots and, as Andy himself offers, “The Lynda Blocks of this world”, its combination of beautiful women and real match action made it compulsive viewing for close to ten years. So how did he go from footballer to actor?

“I went to a Take That concert at Wembley, believe it or not. I made my decision then that I was going to retire from football. I met two people there and I said, ‘What do you do ?’ “ Oh, we do ‘extras’ work?” They were stand in doubles.

I thought that sounded interesting because I’d always liked acting and I love my films. Some friends of mine were on Dream Team doing the footballing extras although they were a lot younger than me. So I thought, ‘ok’, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to stop playing pro-football, play a bit of part time, join ‘Dream Team’ and learn how to be an actor.

Subsequently, I joined as one of the football extras but because I was older than everyone else, I was thirty then whereas they were nineteen/twenty, I used to spend all my time with the directors and producers who were the same age. They used to ask questions about football all the time – how would we do this or that? I found myself directing the football for them and then within a year they made me the producer of football on Dream Team. It was crazy!”

Alongside the move to producer came a step up from ‘extra’ to acting role aswell, portraying the club’s assistant coach, Andy Ansah (!!) This also meant a few lines per show, with regular Ansah gems including takes on , “All right, you lot ! Get out on the field and warm up,” and “Leave it, gaffer. He’s not worth it.”

I put it to Andy that it must surely have been fun to be involved?

“I loved it, I loved it. Listen, it was brilliant. The show itself was low budget but it was built up on people. The people were fantastic and it had cult status. No matter how bad it was, you’d be able to say – I know who that is. That was Drogba’s goal for Chelsea against so and so. That’s what made it so much fun.

At the end, it kind of died a death. I was there for six years and when I left I was offered a Hollywood job with the film, “Goal”. That’s when I left and they ended up employing four different people to take up my one post on that show. That’s how much I did.”

As for those famous/infamous cameos? “The guys were great. Being honest, I should thank the likes of Andy Cole, Dwight Yorke and the West ham players. They mainly got me that producer role because I pulled in my contacts to get those guys on the show. One time, Andy had just got called back into the England squad and all the press were outside the training ground at Man United. I had to go and meet him at the training ground and came out the back door with Andy and Dwight , then drove to Stockport County so we could film them on Dream Team – for nothing. It was absolutely crazy. Can you imagine a footballer now using his image rights and saying, ‘I’ll come on your show for nothing’ but that’s how much of a cult status it was.”

After six seasons at Harchester United, ‘Goal’, and the lure of the silver screen proved too much, although not for the first time !

“Infact, whilst I was doing Dream Team, after two years I also did a film called : Mike Bassett England manager. I cast Terry Kiely from Dream Team (popular character, Karl Fletcher) and Scott Mean who used to play for West Ham to come and work on that film. I did all the choreography on that film myself, which was a big job! We shot at Wembley and also went to Brazil. I was there for almost two months, filming at the Maracana, Botafogo and everywhere.

It’s a hard job…!!”

Bassett / Tomlinson – one of the many famous faces to film at Griffin Park

Nick Bruzon

Surprise inspiration from Richie and Mark as Bees twiddle their thumbs this weekend.

This is the time of season that these pages normally express an element of frustration with International break. Very much one of the downsides of Championship life, Brentford have now got another eight days to wait until the home double header against Bristol City and Leeds United. The king of comebacks against Burton Albion already seems a distant memory although Sergi Canos did take to Twitter yesterday to remind us  all how wonderful that was.

This picture shows how much meant to me the goals on Saturday😄 Hopefully more to come!! @BrentfordFC 🐝🐝 pic.twitter.com/efxFtbY4Ec

— Sergi Canós Tenés (@sergicanos) March 23, 2017

Sergi – a dab hand with the air guitar, too

So, what to do whilst we await City and Leeds? Well, this round of Internationals is slightly different in that we do have some additional interest. Whilst it’s not unusual to see Andreas Bjelland and Lasse Vibe selected for Denmark, John Egan is in the Republic of Ireland squad when they take on Wales in a World Cup qualifier tonight.

Even if you have no Irish or Welsh affiliation, the chance to see one of our team make his international debut (subject to final team selection) has to be better than Liechtenstein v Macedonia on the red button or, worse, a double header of Coronation Street. If nothing else, with the Irish rugby team having played at the Avvia last weekend when they scuppered England’s Grand Slam aspirations, it will be very interesting to see how the surface holds up less than a week later.

With permission having been given to London Irish to ground share at Lionel Road, Brentford supporters are, not surprisingly, questioning the integrity of the playing surface. The likes of Sergi and Jota better suited to playing on a billiard table rather than a ploughed field. And that is meant metaphorically; I’ve never seen either at Rileys in Twickenham.

All of which is great, but then it does leave us with a blank slot in the diary on Saturday. Well, how about getting on your bike? Quite literally. With the mornings getting lighter there’s never been a better time to undertake a bit of exercise whilst, at the same time, enjoying the fresh air. Personally, I’ve just started doing this again – triggered predominantly by my own lack of exercise. The realisation has finally set in that FIFA on the PS4 does not count no matter how many times I’ve tried to tell myself since Christmas.

FIFA 17 – fun but not, technically, exercise

Likewise, there’s only so many times I can convince myself that the pecs have just ‘slipped’ or that the layer of fat around the midriff is there to insulate over the cold winter months. So the beer and junk food has gone out the window (for now) whilst there’s been additional inspiration from two unlikely sources – Richie Firth on Absolute Radio and our own Mark Chapman from the Brentford media team.

Richie, speaking on the Christian O’Connell breakfast show last week, was extolling the virtues of vibrating massage plates which, when fixed to the body for twenty minute periods, would slowly burn the fat away. All well and good – aside from looking like a complete numpty as you stand around in your pants with Borg style implants affixed to the torso.

More importantly, where is the aerobic exercise? Where is the fun? Where is the smug feeling of having actually gone out and done something, then boring your mates rigid afterwards?(And yes, I see the irony).

(L-R) Richie and OC doing more traditional exercise despite the horrific attire

But it was Bees programme editor Mark Chapman who is the straw that broke the camel’s back. His own ‘fanActiv’ blog on Brentford official has been a real call to arms, with some brutally honest observations about where he was prior to starting this aswell as how things are progressing . Three blogs in (the latest was published last Friday and can be found here), I have to say that is a case of doffing my cap to him.

It’s not easy to admit you need to get up off your backside. It’s even harder to do this so publicly. Nice one Mark, and THANK YOU for the motivation. Keep up the good work and stay off the chocolate bars.

So this weekend sees another ‘dry’ one for yours truly. I’m not so naive as to pretend that by the time Bristol City and Leeds come around I won’t be out the back of The Griffin – the prematch pint is a quintessential part of football’s rich tapestry – but at least I won’t feel quite so guilty about doing it.

Lecture over. Whatever you do this weekend, have fun. If anybody is in Richmond Park on Sunday morning, I’ll be the one wheezing. But, most importantly, good luck to John Egan tonight.

We’ll all be wishing you well.

Nick Bruzon

Absolute football and an absolute tonking. Bees sting Forest (?!) as fake champions crash out.

What can you say after that? The Last Word was due to be on temporary hiatus this week (hence no update on the 1-1 from Portman Road) but another away win for Brentford, and in such wonderful style, has prompted an early return. With most of the football world focussing on Arsenal receiving another 5-1 tonking at the hands of Bayern Munich (the Germans romping to a 10-2 aggregate defeat and what happens when you allow non-champions in the Champions League) those outside TW8 probably won’t pay much notice to the defeat of Nottingham Forest. A 3-2 win for Brentford at the City Ground as the Bees made it 10 points from the last 12 saw the Tricky Trees prove anything but, save for a brief flurry as the game reached a denouement that was probably more fraught than it needed to be.

To read the rest of this article, season 2016/17 is now available for download on e-book in the retrospective: Welcome Home, King Jota (Brentford FC season review 2016/17)

Priced at just £1.99, all sales are being donated to the Brentford FC Community Sports Trust.

Likewise any sales from the previous titles – Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup (2013/14), Tales from the football village (2014/15) and Ready. Steady. Go Again. (2015/16) – are also now going to the BFCCST.

Containing the least bad of the blogs from May 16 to May 17, you can pick it up, here. Its all for a great cause and,hey, you may even enjoy it…..

Jota – carried on at Forest where he left off at Griffin Park

Even Alan Jugde (not a typo) was spotted in attendance.

There are just too many questions

 

 

Absolute Radio. No Bees but talked about Arsenal at ten to seven, ten to eight etc

Nick Bruzon

The good, the bad and the ugly. A week in football as Aston Villa await and West Ham implode.

Brentford picked up all three points at Brighton to head into Wednesday’s game with Aston Villa in high spirits whilst Huddersfield Town and Newcastle United, like the Bees, both recorded a 2-0 away win. These, results that allow them to sit first and second respectively and, in the case of the former, sending Leeds United into the relegation zone where they now sit just behind Wigan Athletic. The supposed conflagration engulfing Will Grigg proving insufficient to stop them making it three defeats on the spin. Meanwhile, defeat for Fulham (Clayton Donaldson both scoring and missing penalties against David Button) and a tepid draw for the Loftus Road mob at home to Blackburn mean the West London triumvirate are separated by just one point and goal difference respectively.

That’s the most recent Championship action in a nutshell. Yet there has been so much more going on in the division and beyond. In the next of our regular Monday morning feature we look back at those things you might have missed from the world of social media over the last seven days.

We’ll start off, as ever, with Brentford.The win over Brighton and the trip to Villa Park on Wednesday have everybody in high spirits. Regular correspondent Bernard Quackenbush summarising one of the best moments from the Amex in a single tweet. Kids, you may need to ask your parents.

After another misplaced @GaetanBong pass, the reaction from @AKnockaert reminded me of this lady #bhafc #BrentfordFC pic.twitter.com/mdthcII2gh

— Bernard Quackenbush (@BernardQuack) September 11, 2016

Billy Reeves, in the meantime, taking over from stats guru Luis Melville with something which, if not over elaborate, shows what true football immolation is (and please, let’s NOT rip off that song. It’s bad enough we’ve appropriated one from Oldham).

That's 10 goals in 10 games for Hogan. #BrentfordFC

— Billy Reeves (@TheBillyReeves) September 10, 2016

And talking of stats, how’s this for an Aston Villa related one? Brentford really have nothing to lose and everything to gain later this week. With a fleet of free coaches heading up the motorway c/o the club sponsors, will you be there to see if we can move that ‘W’ column from 0 to 1 ?

On Wednesday, the two teams will face each other for the first time since 1953. #BrentfordFC have never beaten Aston Villa (W0 D2 L6).

— Essential Brentford (@BrentEssential) September 11, 2016

But, as ever, it was Kitman Bob who proves to be the wonderful random element, a so called ‘x-factor’, at Brentford official. The frog DNA in the otherwise ‘perfectly safe’ laboratory controlled environment of club twitter. (Bob, if you are reading, that’s a good thing – trust me). Let’s hope he doesn’t get preserved in amber and, instead, keeps the zingers coming…

Thanks to all the @BrentfordFC boys & girls today. Great support & I heard another FIRE DRILL 😀😀

— Bob Oteng (@ganodecafe10) September 10, 2016

Saturday saw a surprise visitor to the New Inn. Former Bee and Leeds United legend Chris Kamara (amongst the numerous accolades on his still glittering CV) popping in for an afternoon off.

In the New Inn in Brentford 2watch 2nd half of the Liverpool game & bumped into wrecked people who have played the soccer sat drinking game😂

— Chris Kamara (@chris_kammy) September 10, 2016

Regular readers to this column will be aware of my admiration for Sam Saunders. Our number 7(seven) summing up everything it means to play for Brentford in terms of what seems to be his genuine love for the game, the team and the fans. Then , of course, there’s the shorts, the tan, the free kicks and his wonderful use of Twitter.

Supposed to go out and see the new film brotherhood,

Ended up staying in to watch great British bake off.

😎 Gangster

— Sam Saunders (@samsaunders7) September 7, 2016

Before we move on to the wider football world, the  last Brentford related matter of the week concerns a supporter rather than a player. Specifically Luis Adriano. Whilst, of course, a few fans have released club related books in recent years (with varying degrees of success and publicity) Luis isn’t one to overly blow his trumpet.

Yet he has taken the step of writing a third novel. And it is has just been released. Words can’t put into, erm, words what a huge undertaking this is and I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy. The link below should give you more of a flavour

#HelloMrMagpie
My #bestselling #paperback.
Published 9am on 9/9 2016.
#999
🇬🇧 https://t.co/DN6nx4USF1
🇺🇸 https://t.co/tQM384Etni

— Luis Adriano (@LuisAdrianoUK) September 11, 2016

Next up, referees. We’ve seen a much tougher stance from the men in black this season in an attempt to cut down on back chat, abuse and petulance. Rightly so, in my eyes. Yet, equally, the hard line has extended to diving, pulling and now, it seems, general over-exuberance. Certainly something for our own players to watch out for following Nottingham Forest’s late equaliser at Villa Park yesterday.

A Forest player was sent off today – for over-celebrating a late equaliser https://t.co/nxKDQrphO6 pic.twitter.com/PPMKVhVLS8

— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) September 11, 2016

But if Pereira had it bad, spare a thought for Joe Hart. Already shown the cold shoulder at Manchester City, he had a rotten start to his loan career at Torino. The performance on pitch was bad enough, by all accounts, yet things had already gone South before a ball was even kicked.

Poor Joe Hart.

Dropped again, this time in favour of his uncle John. pic.twitter.com/ztj1pJe4RH

— 888sport (@888sport) September 11, 2016

Not even opponents Atalanta running out to Status Quo ( Whatever You Want) was enough to inspire him. Many thanks to the soothsayer of scores, Richie Firth on the Absolute Radio Christian O’Connell breakfast show, for that gem. As Richie noted this morning, “How often do you hear of teams running out to Status Quo”. Sadly, never – Richie .

Perhaps my own suggestion of ‘Down, Down’ for our own #BeeTheDJ not quite so silly !

Still, if Manchester City have made a shrewd move in the transfer market with that one, can the same be said of Manchester United? The much trumpeted record transfer of Paul Pogba hasn’t, so far, proven to be the success intended.

Paul Pogba 2016-17:

270 minutes
0 goals
0 assists
0 dabs
3 haircuts pic.twitter.com/K9DXCpEy7Q

— Pie Sports Booze (@piesportsbooze) September 10, 2016

As ever, though, it is the regular visitors to this column that provide the weekend’s big story. West Ham have done it again. If Hart was hapless, what does that make the Hammers? Fisticuffs in the stands and the scared children were the least of their concerns after Saturday’s result.

Angelo Ogbonna of West Ham, who didn’t make it onto the pitch during the 4-2 home humping administered by Watford,  still took the time to share the score with his followers. Proving a point that he hadn’t featured or just totally misreading the situation? As one Brentford fan noted, imagine the meltdown if Harlee Dean had done this..

pic.twitter.com/2jh933C4LX

— Angelo Ogbonna (@OgbonnaOfficial) September 10, 2016

C2C railway had to give this advice to their passengers. Things going well at the Olympic Park, then ?

Pugilistic passengers earlier resulted in a temporary instruction from @BTP for trains not to stop at West Ham station. All clear again.

— c2c Rail (@c2c_Rail) September 10, 2016

But it was an X-Factor reject who really summed thing up for the one time Upton Park outfit.

Being a West Ham fan today genuinely feels worse than being chucked off the X Factor for snorting cocaine. @davidgold

— Frankie Cocozza (@FrankieCocozza) September 10, 2016

But if West Ham fans feel like they are getting the rough end of the stick, spare a thought for Southend United. Their loan deal with Crystal Palace not proving quite as well researched as the one which brought Sullay Kaikai to Griffin Park

I feel like this is something we should have checked out before we signed him… https://t.co/a48IDJ3Atc

— Iain Macintosh (@iainmacintosh) September 9, 2016

Ryan Innis has been sent to prison, so is unavailable for Southend. Makes Gills signing of an unfit Cargill look like a master stroke.

— Andrew White (@Andrew_GFC_GTCC) September 9, 2016

Nick Bruzon

A handjob from the editor? No thanks, Stan

Where do you start after yet another ‘one of the most dramatic final days of the season’ since the last one? After spending the season on loan at Brentford, Sergi Canos making his debut for Liverpool ? Former Bee Wojciech Szczęsny rubbing salt into the Tottenham wound after Spurs came perilously close to a bracketing when they went down 5-1 at Championship bound Newcastle United? Or Old Trafford where, of course, Manchester United had their game abandoned after the bomb scare?

Nobody needs my in-depth analysis of that situation. An evacuation was, of course, the absolutely right and proper thing to do. Likewise, it was reassuring to see how quickly and efficiently this appeared to take place.

But beyond that. Wow! To say “questions will be asked” is sure to be an understatement to rank alongside this whole affair being described as a “fiasco” First thoughts I saw suggested the suspicious package found at Old Trafford was a ‘seasons highlights’ DVD or a trophy. Infact, it turned out to be a training device used by a private security company to prevent exactly this sort of issue happening , left behind after a midweek drill.

Twitter reacted, of course, with the mood changing from worry, shock and horror to incredulation as the story unfolded over the course of the afternoon.

Who knows what the fall out will be from all of this. For once, “Sacked in the morning” won’t be a chant directed at the manager.  Even when the rearranged game has taken place on Tuesday, this won’t be the last we hear of it. People are jittery enough as it is. For sure we can expect even more enhanced security next season.

OK – the Brentford connection. First up,  Wojciech Szczęsny. None other than the Arsenal goalkeeper and former Bee was lining up to lead the taunts after Tottenham managed to blow an unblowable situation.

Spurs, a club who could choke on a Rice Krispie, needing only a point to guarantee second place in the Premier League came within two of a 7(seven) goal bracketing. This, to relegated Newcastle United – one of the poorest teams since Premier League records began.

The consolation of Champions League football will be little consolation to being pipped by their arch rivals, yet again. Expect the Arsenal ’smug-o-meter’ to be through the roof today. Absolute Radio DJ Richie Firth already leading the charge on this morning’s Christian O’Connell breakfast show although, for once, if not sympathise you can understand.

As Richie noted, “Only Spurs could come third in a two horse race“.

Chesney. For once, not the one and only

Liverpool. Sergio Canos.

We’ve waxed lyrical about the Spanish wunderkind many times this season.And rightly so – his achievments on pitch were legion. But with most of his Brentford team mates now on their holidays, if social media is to be believed, he had the honour of pulling on that famous red shirt in a 1-1 draw with West Brom.

Congratulations, Sergi. No doubt the first of many Liverpool appearances although, in the short term, if you want to come back to Griffin Park for another season then there’ll be no complaints from West London.

And finally, a HUGE thanks to all those who have so far downloaded both the Last Word ‘season review’ (Ready. Steady. Go Again) aswell as the three year anthology (The Bees are going up). These are both available now.

Nick Bruzon

 

The things you learn on the radio…

We’ll get onto the build up for Preston – Brentford along with the fall out of number 26 and his refusal to play against Burnley momentarily but I’d crave your indulgence for a moment as we go off on a tangent. Kind of.

Just as this week has seen the ten year anniversary of Bees United taking ownership of Brentford from Ron Noades, there is another decade long celebration taking place. Today, infact. It is ten years since DJ Christian O’Connell began his Absolute Radio breakfast show.

What’s this got to do with Brentford, you may ask? Well, aside from keeping me sane at the ungodly hour at which this blog is normally written Christian was the man who, finally, put the Cameron Diaz rumour to bed. Does she support Brentford, improbable thought it sounds, or not?

For anyone who doesn’t know the jaw dropping answer, you can find out what happened here. Direct from the horse’s mouth. Although to be clear, Cameron if you’re reading (she isn’t ) I’m not suggesting that you are in any form equine.

OC – thanks for the tunes and laughs over the years which, as supporter Matt Davis reminded us on Twitter last night, even included a 2006 appearance at Griffin Park. Specifically, in a video shoot for the DJ’s World Cup single “Hurry up England” which crashed in, and then out, of the hit parade at number 10.

The OC met Cameron and talked Brentford..

So from a funny man to an unfunny one. Our number 26. Or, more specifically, Dean Smith talking about him to Phil Parry on BBC Radio London.

I am sure, by now, we‘ve all heard the interview in which our Head Coach confirms that, amongst others things, the player is back in training with the first team after going on strike for the Burnley game.

For me, the key turn of phrase is in regards to Preston where Dean notes, with a perhaps unfortunate / deliberate choice of words: “He won’t be available for selection on Saturday but its one of them, you know, that we’ll play by ear”

But then it gets interesting as he adds, “He’ll be available moving forward, that’s for sure”.

Is there a chance we’ll see him in a red and white shirt again? Unlikely for some time, if at all, is my opinion. This smacks of diplomacy in a bid to diffuse what is clearly a very awkward situation for all parties.

I feel for Dean here. He’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t . We’re talking about a hugely talented centre back who you’d be desperate to have in your team. Freeze him out and, eventually, any sale value decreases to nothing. Play him and you send out an awful message of player power corrupting. Sell him and it shows that throwing a wobbly can help a player find the exit door should he be looking for it.

I don’t know what the answer to this one is. I’m just the numpty on the terrace, after all. What is clear is that we’ve been backed into a corner and, like taking them short, it’s not going to work out well for anyone.

Discussing the matter on Twitter last night with several supporters, Luis Adriano (of ‘Penalties’ fame ) put forward the idea of “T*@ky – the movie”. With Martin Clunes tipped to play the leading role, it’s one that I doubt will ever get off the drawing board although I live in hope.

Perhaps, though, we’ve got more chance of seeing his own table top game. I stumbled across this gem from Parker on the Internet last night which, with a light bit of jiggery-pokery c/o photoshop, could provide a winner.

 

Striker – we need one. But not this sort

Promising “Fast single handed action” (seriously??) – not my words – could we see this in the club shop any time soon? Unlikely as,  if nothing else, Parker’s other claim is blatant false advertising .

“Players actually kick the ball.” Not at the moment, they don’t.

Let’s hope this mess gets sorted out soon.

Nick Bruzon