ITV almost nail it on a stunning first night. Almost…

EURO 2016 has begun! What a night in Paris as things finally got under way with the hosts taking on Romania. Over the next four weeks, the Last Word goes a touch continental. Well, as continental as you can from a sofa in front of the TV in Brentford. Much as I’d love to be joining the likes of Billy and Dave from Beesotted in France, this is as close as it gets. I’ll leave the Russian hooligans, drunken England fans, Marseille ultras and reactive police to them ( their site is sure to be a very interesting place over the next few weeks). Instead, as ever, we look as much at ‘the other stuff’ as the serious

7pm, Friday night. Here we go. It’s an hour until kick off. Beer in hand, sofa groaning and remote control in hand. ITV, here we come….

But no. It wasn’t football. With the tournament due to start in 59 minutes, instead of Gallic charm I got Emmerdale Farm. Instead of Glen Hoddle I had a drunk driving a JCB into a farm house, followed by some shouting from the woman who used to be Lizzie Conlon in Dream Team.

Wow. People actually watch this for pleasure? Where was Clive Tyldesley when we needed him?

Fifteen minutes later, ITV finally delivered. The mayhem of farming life was replaced by a sumptuous set of opening credits featuring many of the tournament’s big names and Wayne Rooney, vacationing in a series of 20’s style tourism posters.

Buffon was juggling in the kitchen and we even got a cheeky wink from Cristiano Ronaldo in his, brackets free, number 7(seven) sports car.

Ronaldo looking sharp on ITV

And that was just the start.

Cut from there to the slightly less salubrious image of Lee Dixon, Slaven Bilić and Emmanuel Petit. ITV having chosen to switch the traditional studio for a Paris roof top to begin their outside broadcast. Albeit with a wonderful backdrop.

Considering the rain that had gripped the French Capital in recent weeks, it was a brave choice. Moreso given the reaction offered to anybody in football seen within 10 yards of an umbrella.

Since Steve McClaren did his ‘wally with the brolly’ thing for England against Croatia back in 2007, being seen to protect yourself from the elements has been an act akin to being caught with the Super Victor toy in your hand luggage.

ITV had adopted for a pundit’s table that had four legs meant to resemble those of the city’s most famous landmark. A lovely touch until Bilić sat directly in front of it, giving him the appearance of Eiffel Tower legs.

Wonderful backdrop; strange trousers

Cut to the Tower itself, where roving reporters Louis Saha and tennis player Marion Bartoli seemed in what could politely be described as ‘high spirits’. “Allez Les Bleus” exhorted the former Wimbledon champion, in a performance that suggested she may share Maria Sharapova’s medical team. Hey, let’s just say they were both high on life or just drinking in what was clearly an incredible atmosphere.

13 minutes prior to kick off the opening ceremony started. Started! They should have been packing up by this point, not tempting Clive to utter lines such as “The French are famous for their kisses” as an anthropomorphic pair of lips sauntered past the camera.

The central prop, a carousel, was odds-on to have a big reveal. Sure enough, as the can can girls moved on it opened to present none other than Emmanuel Petit, who must have hot footed it down from the ITV rooftop . But no, on closer inspection it was actually Disc Jockey David Guetta, singing along to the songs he was ‘playing’. As one Twitter observer notes, “Where’s Sacha Distel?”

The sheer volume of the home support sining the national anthem and a stunning fly past from the French Air Force really were the cherry on this opening ceremony cake. All we needed was Diana Ross, or perhaps Vanessa Paradis, to miss a penalty for a bingo ‘full house’.

They hadn’t even begun clearing up wit the players came out for the anthems but, incredibly, we were go for ‘8pm’. And then Glen Hoddle opened his mouth.

All the good work ITV had done came crashing down in an instant. Not even a wonderful game of football – and what a winner from Dimitri Payet at the death – could detract for his ongoing banality. The commentating equivalent of the England Supporter’s band. I’d rather have had Lizzie Conlon’s ranting.

Having jettisoned Adrain Chiles, its a shame they still persist with the one time England manager. Perhaps its just me.

A great start to a great tournament but with ITV again tonight for the England – Russia game, let’s hope Wayne proves me wrong and Glenn keeps as quiet as I’d love that band to be.

Nick Bruzon 

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Who sanctioned this? And more shirt news

So distracted had I been by Rio Ferdinand’s Roger Moore tribute show yesterday that I forgot to mention the other salient Brentford and World Cup news from Sunday. Firstly, Gary Lineker’s awkward ‘reveal’ of the trailer for the new series of Doctor Who was the straw that finally pushed me to ITV.

Don’t get me wrong, I like a quick spin in the Tardis but the almost embarrassed segue from half time analysis in a, supposedly advert free show, killed the mood of the game stone dead whilst, at the same time, setting my more geekish tendencies into an elevated state of nerdery.

It was an unnecessary distraction that just pushed me to the light channel. If we were going to get adverts and hideous monsters, then I may aswell just go for the full Adrian Chiles experience.

From Rio Ferdinand’s jacket to this….

 

From a Brentford perspective, there were also more snippets of shirt news lurking out there in cyberspace – a preview much more welcome than a face full of daleks. A quick trawl of twitter will help you locate these but I’m very pleased to hear that the castle badge will return in some form on merchandise in the club shop.

More importantly, it seems the club are looking at one part of the 125th anniversary celebrations being a game with some commemorative wording added to the badge on our new shirt. With the potential for some of these to be on sale, too, I can already hear Mrs. Bruzon hiding my wallet .

It did also get me thinking about what is the correct protocol for this sort of commemorative wording? Around the club badge in a circular pattern or horizontally – whether underneath it or more centrally?

Commemorative wording – generally spells tears

My own preference is for the horizontal – under the club badge. I’m not an owl and so, bereft of the ability to rotate my head through 360 degrees (or whatever it is they can do) struggle to read the circular text.

Does it matter? Probably not. I’ll still buy one if the possibility arises but I just know what I prefer – whatever the rules are on this sort of thing.

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’ (The story of Brentford’s 2013/14 promotion campaign, amongst other football related chatter) – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from last season, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle / digital device.

Rio? Roger? Changes at Griffin Park?

Is Rio Ferdinand swapping Manchester United for a new role at Easyjet? Or perhaps a Royal Navy commander? Given the commentary on social media last night, he might even have found time to fly Brentford back from the Florida training camp.

The World Cup ended with a win for Germany and the BBC panelist attracting as much interest in his suit as his punditry. Twitter was awash with comments about one of the most talked about bits of fashion since Liverpool rocked the ‘Man from Del Monte’ look at the 1996 FA Cup final.

These are all over the internet now (my own effort below) with, surprisingly, former England captain Michael Vaughan being amongst the chief protagonists.

Flying home from Rio?

However, despite all the gentle ribbing pointed at Rio he’s actually in great company. It is universally accepted that Roger Moore is, hands down, the best man to ever fill the role of James Bond. Indeed, much of the classic Moonraker saw 007 based in Rio de Janeiro where, of course, last night’s final took place.

As such, it was some what fitting that the best of the observations about Ferdinand’s jacket was not an airline related gag but one that showed what esteemed company he is in. Nobody can carry off a safari suit/blazer/polo neck like Roger and so the mantra must have been, “If you can’t beat them, join them”.

The name’s Ferdinand. Rio Ferdinand

Back in TW8, a stroll past Griffin Park at the weekend revealed two things.

Firstly, we remain none the wiser as to who the roof sponsor will be on the New Road. A peek through the gap in the fence by the ticket office reveals this to be still covered in undercoat. Despite our proximity to Heathrow, there’s been no sign of Rio up a ladder with a few tins of the budget airline’s trademark orange paint.

And then looking into the turnstile, there is a mysterious object lurking under a clubshop plastic bag. The same thing appears in each one and so I can only presume this is the much anticipated ‘electronic ticketing system’.

What’s under the bag?

 

Not quite up there on the ’shirt’ reveal but when things are this quiet, I’ll clutch at any straw of Brentford related news.

Roll on the pre-season friendlies. Please.

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’ (The story of Brentford’s 2013/14 promotion campaign, amongst other football related chatter) – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from last season, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle / digital device.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of pre-season

“Championship. Championship. Here come the Bees in the Championship”. Not my words but those of Billy Reeves and Bee Faction in their promotion celebrating, ‘Hey Brentford’ song. Still available on free download, this terrace anthem has been my earworm for most of the summer.

And thankfully so, with the gap from promotion to the Championship an excruciating wait. Fortunately, this has been just one of numerous distractions to keep me occupied.

Some bad : the departure of Clayton Donaldson, the leak of the away kit and the most cringeworthy tweet to ever come out of ‘official’ channels. I have no idea who ‘drives’ @brentfordfc on Twitter but the reaction to the phrase ‘#trophyfriends’ was one of almost universal embarrassment.

Please – NEVER again

Still, that was very much the thin end of the wedge and there have been more positives to focus on than I could shake a stick at.

So here they are: the top ten moments of the close season

10: The play offs. An odd place to start, especially given our track record, but wasn’t it great to watch the annual torture session at the W place with so much direct interest for Brentford? Who from Rotherham or Leyton Orient would be joining us next season and who would suffer that ultimate kick in the knackers? Likewise, could Uwe do us a huge favour and keep the Loftus Road mob in the Championship.

In the end, it was Rotherham who celebrated like they’d won the FA Cup and Wigan Athletic who will be visiting Griffin Park for the final game of 2014/15

9: Pre-season friendlies. A complete contrast to last season where, instead of a full priced game against a Celtic reserve side, whose support were allowed free reign of Griffin Park, we’ve got visits from the continent. There could even be a smattering of World Cup stars present as both Nice and Espanyol visit, with tickets starting form as little as £5 for adults. Great work.

8: The World Cup. Putting England to one side, it has been a stunning diversion from the pain of pre-season. From the second day destruction of Spain by the Netherlands right up to the hosts being on the wrong end of a 7(seven)-1 semi-final bracketing, this has really been captivating stuff. The likes of Algeria and Costa Rica have helped demonstrate that cup football is one of the most exciting sports on the planet – moreso when there is this much in such a short space of time.

The World Cup gave us plenty to chew over

7: Diaries. Peter Gilham’s tour diary is always a great read. A fascinating view behind the curtain as to what really makes up a pre-season training camp – for both the players and the backroom staff. Moreso, it’s a sign that the campaign is almost upon us.

Always a great read

6: The roof is finally covered. At last. They squatted in TW8 for longer than the Kew Bridge ‘Eco village’ but Qatar Airways have finally been evicted from the roof of the Bill Axbey stand on New Road. We await news as to who replaces them with intrigue.

Going.Going.Gone

5: Team morale. It seems stunning. What goes on tour doesn’t necessarily stay on tour, when it comes to Brentford. Sam Saunders car wash, wearing nothing more than flip flops and three marigolds, and Harlee Dean being slapped in the face with a wet fish by Will Grigg are both videos I never thought I’d see. But am very glad I have

4: That moment when news sources recognise us. We know we’re a Championship team but others, outside of West London, are not always so quick to keep tabs. So when the likes of ‘News now’ move the Bees to their Championship page or the BBC have us as sitting in the new League table, it put a little tingle up the spine

3: Ticket prices. These increased, but marginally. The price rise was a token one and nowhere near the amount I would have expected from a club with a limited capacity (relative to our rivals) and now playing in a higher division. This really was a bold decision and they have been instantly rewarded with over 5000 sales. Thank you!

2: Mark Devlin’s strip tease. Of course, I mean the teaser campaign that has led to the unveiling of our home kit. I liked this idea – despite my desperation to see the ‘full reveal’ – and we’ve been rewarded with a great shirt. The away shirt, in particular, aside from the cracking design spec, achieves that rare feat of making the stick on sponsor’s logo look marginally acceptable. And when that happens, you know something good must be happening.

The family friendly strip tease

1: The Fixture list. If there was one thing to crank up excitement about next season, it is the moment when the fixtures are revealed. Away trips can be planned, Christmas is saved with a home fixture on Boxing Day and Uwe visits on the last day of the (hopefully) regular season. Oh, and there’s a return of the derby against Fulham

And if you need any reminder of how we got here, ‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’ (The story of Brentford’s 2013/14 promotion campaign, amongst other football related chatter) – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from last season, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle / digital device.

Spoiler alert: Brentford gear up for the Championship with new look

For those who still have the image of Sam Saunders wearing not much more than three marigolds seared onto their retinas, here’s a diversion. (Assuming they want a diversion). Teams visiting Brentford in the Championship next season will see something different.

Finally, after years of squatting rent free on the New Road roof, the Qatar Airways advert has been painted over. I’ve long advocated that, if they weren’t prepared to stump up the cash / cover this themselves, the word “Don’t” (or worse) should have been added to the front of this – at a jaunty angle.

Before: View from the terrace. Squatter about to be evicted

 

Thankfully, now, there is no need. Chief Executive Mark Devlin released the following picture yesterday afternoon to show the much-maligned advert had been painted over. Even better news, though, was his subsequent confirmation that this was because of a new sponsor – to be announced once timings have been agreed.

After: Who is the mystery new sponsor?

Could this be a nostalgic return for KLM? Perhaps another airline? Given the club’s proximity to the Heathrow airport flight path that would make perfect sense. Or have the club joined forces with Skyex for a giant shirt transfer to be stuck over the roof?

Either way, given the stadium’s visibility from the air I’d suggest that this announcement needs to be exquisitely timed.

Now, if he could just release a picture of the away kit, that would really crank up the excitement levels a notch.

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’ (The story of Brentford’s season 2013/14) – amongst other things – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from the last ten months, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle / digital device.

An open letter to Matthew Benham…and Banksy

Could the ‘post-Uwe’ Brentford revolution be starting already?

Since the announcement was made about Herr Rösler joining Wigan, club owner Matthew Benham has been on prolific ‘social media’ form.

Firstly, with the return of a ‘cryptic clue’ that, as before, had me flummoxed. A ‘YouTube’ video link to ‘Coutances – Soundtrack (The Science of Sleep)’, performed by Dick Annegarn has left me no wiser as to what Matthew is trying to imply. Quite how this ties in to Mark Warburton (assuming it is him named as our manager this morning) I have no idea. However, this was merely the tip of the Benham inspired twitter frenzy.

Not surprisingly, given the current stories about Sam Sodje and DJ Campbell being involved in alleged betting offences, Matthew has had more than a few things to say on the subject. As the owner of smartodds.co.uk he, if anyone, should have an opinion on this subject and his comments make very interesting reading. There can’t be many Brentford supporters on twitter who don’t follow him but just incase, you can find these on @matthew_benham.

So far so good but what really piqued my curiosity were his comments in regards to the music at home games. The catalyst for this being the request from @tinpotgamer, asking, “Also, please don’t have two home ends. It’s on a par with goal music and giant flags.”

The response was almost immediate and as direct as you could hope “there will never, ever, ever be goal music”.

This was, pun alert, ‘music to my ears’. I love watching the Bees and there can be very little, Keith Stroud aside, to ruin my enjoyment. That said – win, lose or draw the one thing to consistently upset me is our tired selection of full time ‘exit music’. I’ve ranted about ‘Guaglione’ and ‘Celebrate’ before – tired dirges that are on a par with Robbie Williams and his ‘Let me entertain you’ for the songs most likely to be heard in a football stadium (see also: Queen: We are the champions – although never after a Brentford play off campaign).

So, with Matthew on a rich vein of public interaction, this was the time to put the point directly to the man at the top. “On that note, could we also retire the awful ‘Guaglione/Celebrate’ as our ‘sad/happy’ post game walk out music?”, I asked.

The resulting reply was a joy to behold. A positive. To quote: “yep, music needs a shake up for sure, before the game, when players walk out, ht, ft, only ‘hey jude’ sacrosanct”

Could we have heard the last of (not so) Kool and the gang? Has Guaglione parped its last moribund farewell? One can only hope. Come Oldham on Saturday I’ll be paying extra attention to the Ealing Road P.A. – and not just, for once, because it is largely unintelligible.

The other discussion I had on Monday night was one regarding the roof on the Bill Axbey stand. Talking in the pub to fellow supporter Colin Campbell we came up with a couple of suggestions as to what could be done with the ‘Fly Qatar Airlines’ advert that still, presumably now rent free, occupies Europe’s largest advertising board. If they won’t stump up the cash to extend the lease (and, to be fair, why would they) then rather than repaint the entire roof, why not just add our own ‘DON’T’ (possibly at a jaunty angle) at the front end of their slogan? Given the amount of airline traffic that passes overhead, it might get somebody’s attention.

Alternatively, I lay down a challenge to the street artist, Banksy. Whilst, normally, there is nothing big or clever about graffiti, I’d happily see if he could sneak in under cover of darkness to decorate this space in his own unique style. It’s a win-win scenario. He gets the chance to decorate the largest ‘canvas’ possible; we inherit a piece of art, possibly worth more than Griffin Park itself.

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.