Italian has a new ‘that penalty’ as Roy draws a parallel.

How on earth do you follow Friday’s news? The story of Jake Bidwell jumping on the 237 from Brentford to QPR was more than surpassed by that incredible announcement of a Bees boss in triple transfer swoop. Sorry for repeating this line but I just love how we’ve finally pulled this most longed for of footballing curios out of the bag.

Like orange balls in the snow, goalkeepers scoring, outfield players having to go in goal, a sub subbed and the request to the crowd for a replacement ref, this is the sort of thing that normally resides in the back of the box marked ‘oddities’.

Actually, can I also add : visiting team forgetting their kit and having to play in the home side’s away strip. Although, personally, in those circumstances I’ve always though we should just adopt the old school ‘shirts v skins’ rule from gym class. Or was that just my school?

But I digress. The answer to the opening question being that you can’t. At least, on a Championship front. Even Brentford have more than overplayed their trump hand in fan satisfaction with that wonderful triumvirate of transfers. That said, two further points of note from Friday.

Firstly, that the players were photographed in two of the three standard poses. Bearing the ‘signing scarf’ aloft and then, later, sitting at a table in front of a blank sheet of paper. Sadly, there wasn’t to be an accidental reveal of the new home kit. Looks like we really will be kept waiting until mid-July for that one. Bob, if you are reading, please put us put of our misery.

Romaine sports the signing scarf

And secondly, it seems our rivals have more than a passing interest in all things Griffin Park. Ten out of ten for value to those QPR fans who kindly visited these pages yesterday to leave us their thoughts on the Jake Bidwell article.

All I’ll say on that one is, “The table doesn’t lie. 12th, wasn’t it….“?

Instead, we are left to dwell on last night’s EURO 2016 action between Germany and Italy. A game which provided a further addition to the aforementioned list. Namely that of the penalty shoot out.

After further exhausting the players with a half hour of extra time, we were treated to as bad a display of penalty taking as you could ever hope to see. And it was brilliant.

With the Italians seemingly coached by Diana Ross, I was half expecting Marcello Trotta to come off the bench at one point. Instead, we got Simone Zaza dancing up to the penalty spot. Shuffling awkwardly like a giraffe with diahorrea trying to hold it in before hoofing it miles over the bar, Tarkowski style. That he had been brought on seconds before extra time ended for this one, specific, job made it all the more tragic.

But he wasn’t alone. The normally infallible Germans failed. Twice. This, before normality resumed and players from both sides began tucking them away for fun. In the end it was, of course, Germany who went through. Penalties. Come on. We all know what happens there and, sure enough, form told.

It was an utterly compelling end to a hard fought game and for all the wrong reasons. Or, as a neutral, for all the right reasons. Because that’s all most of us were last night. England’s capitulation still seems as raw now as it did on Monday night whilst Gibraltar didn’t even make it out of the qualifying group to reach France.

With Wales (and belated congratulations there) achieving a first ever semi, it only makes you realise even more what England missed out on. Oh for the chance to have even been able to think about cocking up penalties.

Instead, its not even a case of ‘what might have been’ and more one of ‘how on earth did Roy get it so wrong’?

Talking about this last night to one New Road observer, the conversation got on to how well England would have fared had Marinus Dijkhuizen been in charge. Of course, that’s just conjecture but win, lose or draw the one thing you can say is that at least we’d have got some straight answers after the games. Marinus certainly liked to tell it how it was, unlike Roy whose pre-prepared resignation speech was followed the next day with an opening gambit of “I really don’t know what I’m doing here”.

Which then immediately drew another Bees related parallel. With thanks to supporter Antonio Bergasse (and his moment of the season)….

Nick Bruzon

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Roy, walker. Iceland beat abject England. Glenn beats the fans

“I’m not nervous. I think we’ll beat them quite easily”. Not my words but those of ITV pundit Lee Dixon before kick off as England took on Iceland last night. Ploughing straight into the book of Glenn Hoddle level punditry he set the scene for what many feared, but few actually believed, might happen. And then it did.

First things first. Well played Iceland. They won and deservedly so. Two well taken goals to England’s one, early, penalty as Roy’s boys fell apart.

We’ve all seen it. You don’t need any form of match report from me. You don’t need any form of analysis as to just how bad things were. How, mediocre England looked throughout the evening and, if we’re being honest, the tournament . A simple inability to pass the ball , shoot on target or break down a resolute defence. A simple inability for our goalkeeper to stop making basic, game changing, errors (not for this first time in Euro 2016). Hey, at least he can handle the pressure of having a flake free scalp.

Delle Alli? Ali from Oz cabs would have done a better job out there (kids, ask your dads) but to single out one person would be unfair. England were just dreadful all round. Parped on by ‘that band’, sounding worse than ever, it was a truly miserable experience. The second half especially.

Iceland wanted it. England assumed they had a god given right to qualify. And that doesn’t win football matches. The final kick in the teeth being Roy reading out his pre-prepared statement to the press just after the game. How did he write it so quickly? Surely he hadn’t written it beforehand? Surely? Why didn’t he take ANY questions afterwards? The least he could do was try to offer some explanation. To give some form of cathartic relief.

But no, in he came, out came the paper, off he walked – resignation shared with the nation. If only there was some form of topical parallel we could draw upon here.

And then there was Glenn Hoddle. The co-commentator has been roundly panned this tournament but it was almost as though he knew Iceland were going to win and, if England were going down, he was taking us with them.

At 1-0 up he endorsed playing it across the back. That worked well. This from the man who declared : Iceland are still stuck in the 80s.

In the second half he noted about the defence  : “There’s always been a suspicion that it has been the weak suit”. Well d’uh.

Late on, despite the clear inability of England to hit a barn door with a banjo he opined how, “We might get a goal from a tap in”.

Seriously? Was he watching the same game? I might win the national lottery, but its not going to happen.

I could go on. It was 90 minutes of non-stop drivel, mirroring what happened on pitch. The crowning glory being his observation that , “They’re little things but they’re big things when it comes to things in the 18 yard box”.

What does that even mean? The sad thing is that , with Roy having walked, the bookies have him at 20-1 to be next England manager. Surely just a comedy bet?

There’s a few days for us all to catch our breath. The quarter final line up is now complete  – Italy being the day’s other winners  – and it looks like a good one.

What a shame England won’t be there but Glenn and co will. Although, on the showing, four our own safety perhaps it’s best things ended there.

The quarters are intriguing. No England though

Nick Bruzon

Glenn, Slovakia, Saint Etienne. So Tough, for England

England are through to the last 16 of EURO 2016. Wales topped the group. Russia are going home (presumably to huge cheers all round). Slovakia are now hanging on for other results after a peculiar brand of anti-football that, fair play to them, shut out Roy’s boys and leaves them waiting to see if third place can be secured.

Those are the headlines as group B came to a close for England in St. Etienne but there was so much more to it than that. Roy tinkered. Roy lost out.

It was a demonstration, if ever us Brentford fans needed another one after some of the Marinus era performances, that stats and possession don’t win games. Although, to be fair, at least England managed some shots (come on Bees fans, it’s all good now !). The BBC figures show how one sided a game this was in all but the key category – goals scored – as the match ended 0-0.

BBC stats don’t lie….

 

Jack Wilshere was anonymous whilst Postman Pat after an all night ‘bender’ would still have offered better delivery than Jordan Henderson showed. In what seemed to be a wonderful atmosphere – so loud even ‘that band’ were drowned out for vast swathes of the game – England had the chances but just couldn’t take them. Any of them. Not even one.

Then there was Glenn Hoddle. Oh, for some level of decent co-commentary on ITV. Talking to one New Road observer during the game, his take on it was that Glenn had been replaced by a random sentence generator. Another, that Sacha Baron Cohen was filling in for him.

Whatever the answer, his performance was the normal drivel infused nonsense . “I think that’s a tactical move,” he observed after one substitution aswell as noting that “Sturridge has just had a mouthful.”

Glenn went on to explain how the lack of England’s ability to breakdown Slovakia was because “We’ve got all footballers out there at the moment”, with the solution to this being a call for Andy Carroll.

I could go on. Those are but a handful of the examples plucked at random although , equally, perhaps it is something that ITV are putting in the water. Over in the Wales  – Russia game  my sources tell me how Tony Pulis noted that, at 3-0 up, “Wales will be happy to stay in front here” .

Yes. Gareth Bale made it 3 goals from 3 to see his team top the group by a point after what seems to be a steamrollering of Russia. I didn’t see it, can’t comment but can only say “well done”.

Outside of all this, England ARE through. England remain unbeaten. They now face a last 16 game agasint the second placed team in Group F which, all things considered, could have been a lot worse on paper. Mind you, so should a game against Slovakia have been. On paper.

It will take a better man than me to call who Roy & co face next out of Hungary, Iceland, Portugal or Austria. The only thing I’d say for sure is that given recent history, what chance another encounter with Cristiano Ronaldo? He of ‘cheeky wink’ infamy.

Ronaldo, a cheeky wink never too far away

It isn’t all doom and gloom, whatever you read.

It would have been wonderful to top that group and failure to breakdown a bus parking defence has cost England dear in that respect. Yet is it that bad?

Roy has ended the group stages happy. Indeed having dominated three games to such a level that he told reporters after the game, “That gives me some sort of satisfaction.”

A Slovakian bus, parked. England couldn’t get past

 

For now, though, the most important task of escaping the group has been achieved. There’s a few day’s break until Monday, 8pm, when England ‘go again’.

Until then, there’s four more groups to play out and, of course, the release of the Championship fixtures tomorrow (Wednesday). For us Brentford fans, this will make a nice diversion and a chance to see how our next 9 months will map out.

Until Sky get the carving knife out…

For now, here’s St.Etienne….

St.Etienne. So Tough. Why do I bother….

Nick Bruzon

Who’s looking shaky as Bees host Rotherham United?

Finally. League football is back as Brentford welcome Rotherham United to Griffin Park for a league game that sees the visitors with a new man in the managerial hotseat. Neil Redfearn, of course, replacing the now departed Steve Evans despite everybody’s favourite manager having won in his last two games prior to his and the club’s ‘parting of the way’.

That’s football. Evans leaves a big void to fill, no more so than on these pages where the regular reader will be aware of the admiration felt towards him as our paths have crossed over the last two seasons (please note: my definition of admiration may vary from yours).

Evans – gone but not forgotten (much like how-old.net)

Whilst I’ll miss his press conferences and a level of sour grapes not seen this side of a bottle of past-its-sell-by date liebfraumilch, Rotherham have replaced him with Neil Redfearn who seemed to be doing a great job at Leeds United. That, until crackpot owner Massimo Cellino decided he was ‘weak’ and ‘a baby’. Still, Leeds’ loss is the Millers’ gain and today won’t be easy.

The flipside, of course, being that in Lee Carsley we have a head coach who has been with these players all season and has already had two games in charge. Whilst we won’t overly dwell on the results against Birmingham City and Derby County (a), the noises coming out of the Bees’ camp have been a lot more positive this week.

Putting to one side the (albeit beautifully shot) video from the Griffin Park ministry of propaganda, what has been encouraging has been Lee’s talk about a step up of intensity and purpose on the training ground. Likewise, a heightened feeling of togetherness and determined attitude amongst the squad.

Why this was missing in the first place one can only speculate. However, what has happened has happened and we have plenty of time left to make a really decent season. Lee’s comments on the club site certainly press all the right buttons but, as ever, it is what happens at 3pm that counts. Let’s hope we are now in a better place for that challenge.

Lee Carsley hit all the right notes at the club press conference

As for his selection, I’m keen to see what, if any, changes are (or can be, given injuries) made. There’s no doubting the potential of our players – it’s more what Lee can get out of them that Marinus and Roy were, seemingly, unable to do. Moving the ball forward and taking some shots would be a good start.

Still, Lee isn’t the only one with a selection poser. The club’s cringeworthy use of Twitter hashtags has been a regular subject of discussion on these pages (although it was nice to see Bournemouth join us yesterday). That said, credit where it is due and I’m loving their #BeeTheDJ campaign as supporters are given the opportunity to pick the pre-match music at Griffin Park.

It’s still not too late to put your selections forward in a feature that shows how the club, when it tries, can embrace social media and fans perfectly. A selection of great songs and our own supporters’ sense of humour are already on show.

That said, there’s no irony about my own selection. I love a bit of the Quo (the fecal Marguerita Time aside – sorry Rhino) and Down, Down is their finest four minutes. Indeed, alongside Merry Christmas, Everyone (Shakin’ Stevens) I’d easily rank it in the top five UK hit singles of all time.

Although much as I love it, even I’m not stupid enough to think we’d play a Christmas song in October.

#BeeTheDJ . If you don’t ask…..

Nick Bruzon

What a first year in charge! The top ten moments

Brentford host Blackburn Rovers today for a Championship match that signifies Mark Warburton’s first year in charge at Griffin Park. And what a 52 weeks it has been with some epic encounters against the likes of Wolves and Fulham aswell as those legendary scenes after Leyton Orient.

As such, the Last Word looks back on the top ten moments since Warb’s announcement as our manager, in place of the Wigan bound Uwe Rösler.

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

 Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further along.

Massive praise to the Beesotted chaps for their own ‘Slade FA Cup’

Matthew Benham and Roy help lift the mood as Gibraltar are bracketed.

Very much a day of mixed emotions yesterday as former Brentford goalkeeper Wojciech Szczęsny (now plying his trade with Arsenal) kept Gibraltar at bay in their EURO 2016 opener against Poland. And by kept at bay, I mean barely had a look in as the boys from the Rock were on the wrong end of a 7(seven) – 0 bracketing.

Despite an even first half, it ended up being the sort of rout that nobody likes to see. It took Brentford owner Matthew Benham, who had earlier given a positive reaction to the ‘hot seat’ idea for Lionel Road, to fully lift my post match gloom with another view of one of his favourite football headlines.

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

 Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further along.

Celebrate the new season (like you’ve won the FA cup)

It’s just over a month until Brentford begin their Championship campaign against Charlton Athletic. I don’t think I’ve looked forward to a season this much since 92/93 – it really does promise to be THAT exciting.

However, with the World Cup almost having run it’s course then how else can fans fill the void until the return of league action?

Well,for anyone suffering ‘Manish withdrawal symptoms’, there is still the chance to relive it all again. On holiday, on the way to work, even on the toilet.

As has been mentioned previously ‘The Last Word’ has been turned into an e-book. The best of the not so bad bits from the last campaign have been collated, tweaked, had some new material added and become a season diary of 2013/14.

Entitled, “Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…. (just don’t mention that penalty)” it is now available for your kindle.

And you can get it, here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Celebrating-like-theyd-won-Cup-ebook/dp/B00L31OJQG

Not sure if Mr Slade has a copy as yet

This your chance to remind yourself how Brentford went neck and neck with Wolves or celebrated like they’d won the FA Cup at Leyton Orient. The mixed reactions to Marcello’s return and the shock departure of Uwe. Not to mention a new stadium in the offing.

Naturally, it focuses mainly on our attempt to escape League One for the Championship but, as anybody who has looked at this column over the last season will be aware, there are as many diversions into the general ‘goings on’ in the wider world of football. Adrian Chiles, Fulham’s self-destruction, Vincent Tan, No to Hull Tigers, the national team and THAT band. Just for starters.

Running from Celtic in pre-season to the denouement of the play off campaign, you can get it now. Enjoy.

 

Is this how they wash cars in the Championship ?

Q: What has three marigolds, two flip flops, a lot of tattoos and a squeegee?

A: Sam Saunders

A cold day at the car park?

Team spirit is clearly alive and well at Griffin Park, judging by the video Sam and Harlee Dean shared of the wing wizard’s unusual car washing technique.

This isn’t the first time such clips have reached a wider audience. Harlee had previously made a very cheeky appearance in one of Kev’s Beesplayer interviews. Sam had, of course, released a video of Harlee’s romantic padlock to the good people at Soccer AM.

However this takes things to the next level and you can see the full video here. I just hope they aren’t David Button’s gloves.

Look out Florida – they’re coming your way.

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’  (The story of Brentford’s season 2013/14) – amongst other things – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from the last ten months, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle  / digital device.

Harlee has form at this sort of thing

Suffered from an accident at work that wasn’t your fault?

I can only imagine Luis Suarez is sitting at home right now, ringing through to the local equivalent of those ‘ambulance chasing’ compensation lawyers that alternate advertising space on ITV4 with payday loan sharks.

That is, if his anyone actually swallows his side of the story about the ‘bite’ on Giorgio Chiellini.

Except, stop. No. Don’t sue me Luis. I believe your explanation that …

“After the impact … I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent. At that moment I hit my face against the player leaving a small bruise on my cheek and a strong pain in my teeth.”

As excuses go, it’s pretty pathetic: “Serial biter blames accidental stumble for latest assault on his teeth”.

Suarez – one way to stop any more accidental teeth pain

It’s up there with ‘The Dog ate my homework”, “My P.E. kit is in the wash” or Crystal Palace supporter Matthew Simmons’ assertion that he was just going to the Selhurst Park toilet and mentioned to a passing Eric Cantona that the number 7 (seven) should take an early shower.

And the worst thing about the Suarez case is that Diego Maradona, the previous panto villain of the World Cup, suddenly has the moral high ground after his 1986 ‘Hand or God’ (or, ‘punching the ball past the goalie’ as it is known in our house) knocked England out of the tournament.

At least he subsequently admitted what he had done. It didn’t make it any better to take but there was no attempt to come with an excuse that even Fergie (and this is the man who once blamed a defeat on his own team’s choice of grey shirt) would have been embarrassed to use.

Getting back to matters domestic, I found this list of various team’s ‘celebrity fans’ and their occupations whilst trawling the interweb last night. It makes amusing reading with some generous descriptions of what said supporter is known for and, perhaps, gives some clue as to which Championship ‘C-listers’ could be occupying the Brentford director’s box next season.

There’s no Rhino out of Status Quo for us although I’m pleased to see the inclusion of a ‘TV Broadcasting Big Cheese’ (their words) even if it isn’t Natalie Sawyer.

Clearly, a list that needs updating. That, or the Brentford PR people need to work harder. If only they’d mentioned it before….

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’ (The story of Brentford’s season 2013/14) – amongst other things – is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from the last ten months, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle / digital device.

Are Brentford about to unveil MT today?

With the evening’s football being overshadowed by Luis Suarez and his latest bite, you could be forgiven for missing the other news. I won’t repeat the column on Suarez, suffice to say that the graphic I’d put together left me having nightmares – with the miniaturised head of Russell Slade protruding from the Uruguayan’s mouth, much akin to the eponymous creature from the Alien movie.

However, what I will repeat is Matthew Benham’s proclamation that Brentford should be announcing a new signing today – initials MT.

Mr Benham loves a cryptic clue (see also: Mark Warburton replacing Uwe Rösler – one I still can’t work out, even knowing the answer). Of course, whichever name I suggest is sure to be wild speculation and miles off.

Moreso, as Matthew has not started following any ‘MT’ on twitter (much as he did with Alan Judge or Chuba Akpom). Chelsea and Ghana’s Christian Atsu being his latest ‘follow’, although that would be a CA.

Could one of these be pictured at Griffin Park today, holding a new Adidas shirt?

 

 

View from the terrace – Marcello Trotta scores from the penalty spot against Gillingham

And if BBC Manish is reading (he isn’t) I very much enjoyed your coverage of the Japan – Colombia game on BBC 3 last night. However, was there really a need to make a point that it was women aged 18-24, more than any other gender group, who watched the Croatia game?

Come on Manish, this is the 21^st century – who cares? Women play and watch football, too. Besides, the men were probably all busy doing the washing up and ironing.

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’  – The story of Brentford’s season 2013/14 (amongst other things) is now available as a digital book. Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from the last ten months, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle  / digital device.