Enjoy the unexpected silence in your favourite shirt. Or watch Roger.

Hurrah. Life is back to normal. In the loosest sense.  Brentford, West Bromwich Albion, Leeds United et al are still waiting to resume battle at the top end of the Championship. Liverpool have had their seemingly unstoppable charge to the Premier League title put firmly on hold. Football fans are having to get their hit from watching the Leyton Orient promoted 128 team knock out tournament on FIFA 20, UltimateQuaranTeam Cup. Yet this weekend is going to be as close to the regular season as we are going to get in quite a while. It’s International break. We wouldn’t have been playing anyway. Instead, tonight we get the chance to not watch England v Italy ; tomorrow it would have been Gibraltar v Norway (at U-21 level).

There’s none of this tonight and tomorrow

I have to be honest, I’m finding this tough from a sporting perspective. The build up to the weekend always reached a crescendo on a Friday, with anticipation of what was to come reaching peak excitement. Now there is nothing although, as noted, I can take small consolation in the fact that it wouldn’t have happened tomorrow anyway. Instead, we’d be cursing about the horror of the alleged England supporters band. 

We’ve said it before. We’ve tried to tone it down in recent seasons. But, I’m sorry, its time to unload. If anything , this CoronaVirus curse is making us realise just how much we take for granted in life. How much there is to enjoy. When this is all over, and it will be, I want to enjoy every minute of life. To embrace International friendlies as the gift that they are rather than the faux-substitute for ‘real football that they have so often been.

We’ve used this analogy before but they’ve always felt very much like a Timothy Dalton ‘Bond film’. They’re great fun but they’re just no Roger Moore effort and always seem to lack a certain bite. The rest of the crew and supporting cast may be the same, the action and the sound are identical but, ultimately, without the one-liners and raised eyebrow of Roger it all seems to be missing an indefinable something. Rather than the effortless cool of quaffing a Martini in a safari suit they are more a case of Bond nervously sipping a de-caf latte whilst waiting for his contact to arrive. And you can forget any cameo role from Victor Tourjansky  – the best we’ll get is a brief run out from the likes of Joey Barton, Michael Ball or Steven Caulker.

There’s always an excuse for the Tourjansky montage

Ahh, Victor. We digrees. And, again, somebody who has been mentioned many times but is always worth a doff of the hat. Or, should that be , a raise of the glass? Very much an unsung hero of mine, he appeared alongside Roger three times pulling off his signature move: specifically,  that of looking bewilderedly at his drink as though inebriation could be the only explanation for the amazing feat he had just seen 007 pull off. 

A brief moment on screen and then he’d be gone until the next film. Victor performed this routine in the trio of movies  that ran from ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ through ‘Moonraker’ and then culminating in  ‘For Your Eyes Only’.

Whilst the man himself was missing for Octopussy, his ‘joke’ had been retained although ‘Palace guard’ doesn’t perform the legendary double take with anywhere near the same panache or style. If anything, an International friendly of a performance within the meat of big match Roger.

Palace Guard – the Dalton to Victor’s Roger

Yet even though International friendlies will be greeted with infinitely more enthusiasm in future, there’ll still be no excuse for THAT. BAND. It’s great we’ll be spared them tonight and one can only hope this is something the continues – although not for any public health reasons. 

Honestly, who needs their moribund parping and jingoistic greatest hits? Who actually enjoys their flaccid and off-key nasal drone? Show me any supporter who, honestly, thinks a game is enhanced by their unwanted presence? Who truly believes that any England match is helped by hearing the theme tunes from ‘The Great Escape’ or ‘The Italian Job’ repeated ad-nauseam,  but not quite as you remember them?

“What we need right now is a flat version of the National anthem or 7 nation army”. Said nobody ever.

When the Mexican Wave or Robbie Williams singing ‘Let me Entertain You’ (which you can find on: Now that’s what I call Stadium music, also featuring: ‘We Are The Champions’) have the moral high ground in the low brow sporting tedium stakes then there’s something seriously wrong.  

That. Band. Banned

Given the choice of being gaffer-taped to a chair and subjected to them or Mrs. Brown’s Boys, I honestly think I’d have to side with Brendan O’Carroll performing his toe-curlingly unfunny Irish mammy/man in a cardigan routine. But enough about my private life.

When this is all done. Let’s really enjoy every minute of every football match. Even the cruddy friendlies. Let’s never hear, or speak of, that band again. Until then, why not stick on some 007 this weekend? Who doesn’t need a bit of Roger right now?

In the mean time, today is Friday. I’m going to make it Footballshirt Friday and use the whole ‘Work From Home’ thing to wear my favourite kit to work. It’ll probably just be me but why not join in? Why not post a picture? Why not get behind your team online and just use it as an excuse to talk football.?

Just because there wouldn’t have been any league action today, let’s not stop that for celebrating our teams. Let’s do it… #FootballshirtFriday

Now I’ve just got to choose one. 

Which Brentford shirt to go for today?

Nick Bruzon

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With a key festive tradition denied, can we reach an all time high?

Where to go with this one today? By all rights we should be looking in depth at Brentford v Bolton. A 1-0 win for The Bees on Saturday saw Thomas Frank record a morale boosting win with the game’s only goal coming courtesy of Neal Maupay. Indeed, the closest in which lacklustre opposition got to scoring was via the head of their own goalkeeper Ben Alnwick who headed just wide as the game reached a buttock clenching (for some) denouement. Honestly, it was never in doubt and Bolton look to be in serious trouble whilst Brentford will no doubt have much tougher tests ahead in the coming days. Starting this afternoon with a Boxing Day trip to Ashton Gate to face Bristol City. Will the Bolton performance be the building blocks of a lengthy run up the table or a flash in the pan win against a team who will need something special to maintain their own Championship status?

Yet this morning (Wednesday, possibly…) yours truly is very much in relaxed mode. The thought of engaging the brain one which is very much playing second fiddle to drinking another coffee and just enjoing some contemplative time. Some time with the family. Some time off work and not getting upset by the pressures of life.

Why even last night, flicking through the TV selection (the first time in about four days the box has been on) we stumbled across Mrs. Brown’s Boys. A ‘hilarious’ ‘joke’ about an Alexa style device played out before we jumped onwards in a futile quest for a Christmas ‘Bond’ move. There was no rage. No rant. No observation that, “FFS. It’s a man. In a cardigan. And a wig. With one joke. One joke that has been spread thinner than a chunky tarmac driveway“.

Instead, we let it go in search of Roger Moore. Some traditions die hard in our house and whilst we were denied satisfaction in this instance, even ITV4 letting us down, perhaps it might be time to crack out the blu-rays later today. Nothing says ‘festive season’ like Victor Tourjansky trying to figure out whether 007’s latest bit of derring-do really happened or was simply the by product of drinking too much in the mid-day sun.

And Brentford have won a game… Victor Tourjansky does his thing

 But then nothing says festive tradition like Boxing Day at Griffin Park. Sadly, after what seems like a good ten or so December 26^th home games on the bounce (Luis / Jonathan – IF you are reading and could please confirm), we now have to do battle with the seasonal timetable and upsetting the family. And that’s a green card too far in our house. Moreso at a time when Mrs Bruzon has spoiled us fantastically. More than we have any right to expect. Indeed, a key part of her present to Harry and myself was not coming to the Bolton game given her own, alleged, albatross like qualities when it comes to home wins. Sure enough, three points followed. Although he showed bigger balls than me, and he’s only five, when replying to her own post-match question…   

Rachel: “They won!! Does that mean the jinx is off and I can come back to football?”

Harry: “No mummy. Bolton were so bad that even if you’d been here Brentford would still have won”

A bit harsh? Or fair reflection? Personally, I’ve not been so calm at football in a long time. Honestly, the game never felt as though it was in doubt (at least through my eyes) despite Alnwick’s late foray upfield. Another goal or two would have been nice – if only to alleviate some of the stress from those sitting around us – but the three points came gift wrapped and we took advantage of a seasonal offering. Thomas Frank shuffled his pack and his formation. Three centre-backs were named with the wings back continuing to push high up the field – although this time not exposing the defence. Henrik Dalsgaard was finally given what we will politely call a well-earned rest whilst we still had the flexibility to introduce Yoann Barbet when Chris Mepham had to leave the field of play early. Let’s hope that one was purely a precaution.

Bolton were industrial in the challenge but offered little resistance to a positive Brentford team.

It all counts for nothing if we put in a turkey of a performance at Bristol City, of course. Yet I’m feeling upbeat. Feeling confident. The good vibe of the Junior Bees Christmas party washed over Griffin Park last week and continued through to the Bolton game when Thomas and the boys gave us all the perfect present.

Today, I’ll be following via the medium of social media or possible sneaking a look towards three wise men shouting at their TVs on Sky Sports News. There’s always the commentary option, too, yet locking myself away with Mark Burridge and an earpiece for two hours will likely be received about as well as HB’s attempts at diplomacy. Moreso when Roger is saving the world.

For those who do travel, good luck. And enjoy! For those elsewhere, I wish you well in whatever option you undertake to follow this one. Here’s to three more points. And perhaps, a bit of Bond….

You could do worse…

Nick Bruzon

7(seven) and out. Bees keep flying as Blues and Eagles have wings clipped.

It was all about lucky number 7(seven) yesterday. Or not so lucky for some. Brentford finally laid that Middlesbrough hoodoo to rest, Birmingham City came oh-so close to being on the wrong end of a bracketing whilst as for Crystal Palace. Well… With Matthew Benham’s comments on Tuesday night about moaners still fresh in our ears, anybody not overly happy with the Bees may want to look towards Selhurst Park.

But we can only start at the Riverside where the Bees took a first ever Championship point off Middlesbrough after those well documented six, straight losses. Arguably, we could well have returned South with all three. Hats off to the 332 supporters who made the long shlep up to the Riverside. Oh to have had the opportunity to be amongst them. Instead, it was their social media updates, commentary and the Sky Sports scrolly thing for those all important goal scores.

What can you say? Wow. 2-2 and genuine disappointment not to have got the win seem to be the order of the day. Chris Mepham followed up his midweek appearance with a full 90 minutes alongside opening goal scorer Yoann Barbet. The common consensus was of another rock solid performance and a potential star in the making. If they’re good enough, they’re old enough (or whatever the phrase is). What could have been a baptism of fire has shown once more the talent pool bubbling away under the surface of the B-team. Get it wrong as we did against Norwich in the cup, and overloading a team with newbies can be a disaster. Do it right and we get a wonderful glimpse of the future.

A full league debut to remember for Chris

Twice Brentford took the lead. Twice Middlesbrough hauled it back to level things up. Ollie Watkins scored again, aswell as setting up the first. Yoann, Chris and captain (for the last quarter) Daniel Bentley were amongst those to later express their disappointment at not quite hanging on for the win. Perhaps, but just getting the psychological monkey of unbeatable Middlesbrough off the back can only be a wonderful thing. Putting in another performance that sees us creeping up the table with five points out of the last nine can only be a huge stride in the right direction for this season.

As ever, Sky Sports have the immediate highlights and you can catch them here. As ever, Mark Burridge will provide a much better flavour once the mid-day embargo is lifted.

Sadly, no comms but plenty of passion on pitch.

So great chances, great creation and more penalties denied. We certainly don’t get the run with the refs. Talking this morning to one terrace wag who had made the trip she noted, “I thought they looked better yesterday in terms of intention and actual likelihood to score. Rather than chances that aren’t chances.”

The real challenge now is turning these performances into wins. There can’t be many amongst us who wouldn’t have taken five points if offered them at 2.59 last Saturday before we kicked off against Bolton. I would have. That win, followed by the draw with Derby and yesterday’s result all well and good. The one word of caution being that the Bees are very much the divisional draw specialists . Only Fulham and Bristol City (5) come close to our 6 from 11. Even looking further afield in the Football league we are still top of the draw table.

Yoann – thought we should have got more

Next up, International break. Hopefully a chance for Andreas, Sergi and Lasse to get back to fitness. A hope that the injury which saw Rico Henry leave the field of play early isn’t as bad as feared. Whilst Josh Clarke filled in ably at left back, Tom Field is now tied in at Bradford until Christmas. Could we be dipping back into that B-team once more?

And then, back to back home games. Visits from Millwall and Sunderland are, on paper, a chance for Brentford to further continue that climb up the table. Of locking down that Championship status for a fifth season. For all our improving form we are still just a point above Birmingham City who still reside in the basement zone. Turning form and performance into clear air will only be a good thing.

As for Birmingham, well we’ve had a bit more of an interest in them than normal on these pages in recent weeks. For obvious reasons. And yesterday saw their brave new world further hit the skids as Hull City put six goals past the hapless Blues defence. I won’t deny bristling with anticipation as, at 6-0 down, another goal was reported for the KC stadium. Sadly, it wasn’t the bracket busting 7(seven) for Hull but, instead, a proverbial consolation. But it does show what a difference GD could make with the Blues (-12) Burton (-17) and Bolton (-18) effectively another point behind the Bees (-2).

Will the Bees compete at this level for a fifth season? Could Birmingham avoid a slide into League One. Will Crystal Palace be joining us in the Championship next campaign? Should the Bees keep on heading up the table then we are likely to be joined by the Eagles. Despite a change of manager, yesterday’s 4-0 loss at Manchester United sees their Premier League record for the 2017/18 campaign read:

P7 W0 D0 L7 Goals For 0 Goals Against 17 GD -17.

A record of 0-0-7(seven) with no goals scored is the stuff of nightmares. And James Bond puns. Next up, a visit from Chelsea. Should the Eagles mange to make the net ripple, I can only assume it will be very much a Victor Tourjansky moment.

However bad Brentford fans think we may have it at times, there’s always somebody worse off.

And then some…

And Palace have scored…. Victor Tourjansky does his thing

Nick Bruzon

QPR, tick. Next stop Chelsea. Can Bees ‘do a Bournemouth’?

Sunday morning and Brentford fans are still basking in the afterglow of Friday night’s 1-0 win over hapless QPR. Lovely though it is to enjoy that moment (along with further West London ineptitude over at Stamford Bridge, where Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho took his post Liverpool press conference to a new level of bonkers), it did leave Saturday feeling a bit empty. With no Championship action for us until the visit of Moses Odubajo and Hull City on Tuesday, we’ve had to wait for the other teams to play their ‘game in hand’

To be quite honest, I let it pass me by. There was a new James Bond film to go and watch. Daniel Craig may not be Roger Moore (then again, who is?) but ‘Spectre’ more than lives up to all the plaudits it has received to date. With enough ‘knowing winks’ to the predecessors in the series, we were only a Victor Tourjansky and a decent theme song away from being the best ‘Bond’ to date.

Victor Tourkansky examines the league tables

So it was only this morning that I’ve properly taken stock of all that happened on Saturday. Hull City won again to lock up second place but, equally, Brentford remain just four points off the play off spaces themselves with everybody now on level games played. It certainly adds an extra level of frisson to an encounter between two teams who, like it or not, it seems were only ‘discussing’ the transfers of Moses and Andre Gray (how did that work out for you, Steve?) only five minutes ago.

There’s no point crying over it. We are where we are. Players have gone but, infact, Brentford have only improved. Whilst I still find that somewhat bizarre given our start, all due praise must be offered to reluctant hero Lee Carsley.

Looking at the table, the Bees have 20 points after 14 games and sit in 11^th place. This time last campaign, we were 13^th with 19 points. Of course, last time out we then embarked on that stunning run to the play offs and almost an automatic slot. As such, Lee is going to need to do his very best to keep the momentum going and match pace with what Warbs achieved.

That said, if he can then the rewards could be beyond all expectation. If we thought last season was amazing then this could be even more incredible. Not just promotion but, equally, the chance to be the best team in West London. It wasn’t for nothing I mentioned the horror show at Chelsea earlier.

With their side seemingly in self-destruct mode, they are only four points off relegation to the Championship with almost a third of the Premier League season played out. Indeed, a win for Bournemouth today could see the Stamford Bridge outfit pushed down to 16^th.

And this is mentioned because, however unlikely, in football anything can happen. Bournemouth proved last season that it is possible for a small team to achieve the impossible – even in these days of big spending and even bigger debts. Conversely, recent relegation for Newcastle United and Champions League qualification stuff up for Manchester United show that nobody is infallible – no matter the size of their reputation or bank balance.

Eddie Howe was the benchmark for success last campaign

I can’t imagine, honestly, that Chelsea will go down. But they’ve not been this abject in many a season. And should it happen, then the likes of Brentford, Fulham and even QPR will all be chomping at the bit to leap frog them into the Premier League.

Even better, the chance to be true kings of West London football.

Laugh it up all you want, but the current tables and current form don’t lie. The Bees are on a roll and I can’t wait for Tuesday night to see how much further that might go.

Nick Bruzon

Life’s a pitch for Birmingham and Rangers as Bees get the picture

Life is never quiet at Brentford. The Birmingham City game, scheduled for Tuesday night at Griffin Park, has been put back a month due to the state of the pitch. And up in Glasgow, the Daily Record has ben laying in to us after publishing an article with Harlee Dean where the centre back has, apparently, been criticising Rangers manager Mark Warburton for his approach to set pieces.

It’s not the first time we’ve managed to upset the publication, through no fault of our own. Regular readers may recall last season’s bizarre attack on us from Barry Ferguson when Lewis Macleod joined from Rangers.

Now they have run an interview with Harlee (why he was talking to them, I have no idea) where he is purported to have said, “Last year we didn’t have one session on set-pieces and it showed on the pitch. That was Warbs’ way. Perhaps that’s where we fell short”.

Harlee took to Twitter to immediately leap to his former manager’s defence.However, even if taken out of context then I really wouldn’t be surprised.These are sentiments, regardless of how true they are, that I’d agree with based on what I saw last season.

Harlee states his admiration for Warbs following the interview

“Don’t take it short, it never f**king works” was a regular cry coming over the terrace whenever a corner kick was awarded. It was a cry usually ignored. As for free kicks – the absence of Sam Saunders was the death knell, Alex Pritchard deflections aside, for anything around the 25-yard box.

That said, if Harlee has been taken out of context on this occasion then perhaps he should just give the press a wide berth in future. It was only a few months ago that he gave an interview about the impending play off semi final with Middlesbrough, where he said, “Set-pieces and counter attacks are all they have got”.

We won’t talk about what happened next.

As for the Griffin Park pitch, we have finally succumbed to the inevitable following the 4-0 defeat to Oxford United in the cup.

Matthew Benham’s team played the wrong game on Tuesday, as one New Road wag noted

It will come as no surprise to anybody with eyes in their head but the club have spoken to the League and now got permission to postpone the game against Birmingham City. There had been no improvement from our opening day draw with Ipswich Town as chunks were being cut out of it with all the finesse of a drunken pensioner attempting to use a 9 iron for the first time.

Nobody could believe what they were seeing out there – the footballing equivalent of Victor Tourjansky in his trio of Roger Moore era ‘Bond’ film cameos. However, when even the Head coach and CEO are publically lambasting this then it was obvious something was going to have to give.

Whilst a disappointment for many, this is only a good decision. Aside from the impact it was having on our brand of football, the surface was presenting a serious injury risk to players.

Victor Tourjansky surveys the Griffin Park pitch from the hospitality lounge

Instead, Birmingham now visit on September 29^th in a run that sees us play three successive home games over a ten day period. Let’s hope this beds in a bit better second time around.

And finally, we’ve updated our team profile pictures. Vistors to the official site would have seen the players posing in what seems to be a Garden centre – or perhaps Kew Gardens.

There was no sign of Lewis Macleod although given his aversion to twigs, perhaps best to keep the former Rangers man away from shrubbery.

Is Lewis hiding in the bushes?

Nick Bruzon

Spend Christmas with Cliff, Jim White and maybe Victor

I’d like to start today by wishing a very happy Christmas to all Brentford fans and, indeed, any others who may be reading (you never know).

To be quite honest, I hadn’t even planned writing a column today until the stark realisation that I had forgotten to both clean the oven and dispose of Santa’s whisky / mince pie forced a somewhat premature rise.

To read the rest of this article, season 2014/15 is now available to download onto Kindle (and other electronic reading device) in full. Containing additional material and even some (poor) editing, you can get it here for less than the cost of a Griffin Park matchday programme or Balti Pie.

 Thanks for reading and all your comments over the course of the season. For now, I need to make more space on the site for any follow up. However, ‘close season’ will continue in full, further along.

It’s Christmas – I’m treating myself to the Tourjansky montage

England go a bit Tourjansky. And are Brentford changing their tops?

With England limping out of the World Cup, watching any more of it seems a bit of a hollow exercise. The football over the weekend was very exciting (see: Germany, Ghana, Iran, Argentina, USA and Portugal) with even Algeria – South Korea, hardly the most scintillating prospect in advance, getting the blood pumping.

But these thrills are muted by the fact that every potential upset no longer has a knock on that could impact Roy’s Boys.

I’ve used this before but it is the archetypal example of my favourite analogy, a Timothy Dalton ‘Bond film’. The rest of the crew and cast may be the same, the action and the sound are identical but, ultimately, without the one-liners and raised eyebrow of Roger Moore it all seems to be lacking something.

Like Dalton, the World Cup still has a stunning supporting cast and incredible action but with our team of Victor Tourjanskys gone (and do check him out), it is definitely lacking a safari suit clad bite.

England are reduced to a Tourjansky-esque cameo role on Tuesday

Brentford wise, things are just as downbeat on the surface. No real news coming out of the club, but rumour central in other sources. With Marcello Trotta, allegedly, no longer in the frame for a return, you may also be surprised to read that, “Bristol City boss Steve Cotterill is targeting highly-rated Brentford striker Will Grigg.”

Not my words (I’d have given him the respect of prefacing them with “Northern Ireland International”) but those of the Bristol Post. You can read the full story here but it would leave us rather short in the ‘striker’ position if we were to accept the supposed bid of £300,000….

Moreso given the talk about Clayton Donaldson being a shoe in to join Birmingham City, now his contract has expired.

I remember a similar situation the last time we escaped ‘tier 3’ to join the Championship back in 1992. Then, goal hero Dean Holdsworth was sold off on the cheap to Wimbledon and we were left with Murray Jones in his place. Ultimately, a packet of Murray mints would have done a better job as, despite a sterling effort, the former Grimsby man failed to find his eye for goal and Gary Blissett was left to do the work of two players.

However, if Brentford clear the decks up top (and it is a big IF – these are only cyber rumours at present) then this time I have a feeling things will be different. We’ve been too long looking to escape this division to then go and throw it all away.

Warbs and Frank McParland have a stunning knack for unearthing talent – just look who has come into the club in the last year or two. I’d hate to lose Clayton but, if it was to happen, then I’m confident that they have somebody lined up.

Now, does anybody have Lionel Messi’s phone number?

‘Celebrating like they’d won the FA Cup…..’  – The story of Brentford’s season  2013/14 – amongst other things –  is now available as a digital book . Featuring the best of the not so bad columns from the last ten months, and some new content, you can download it here for your kindle  / digital device

Brentford have their very own ‘Tourjansky’ moment

I wrote last season about Victor Tourjansky, the scene stealing ‘extra’ from the James Bond movies.

For those who missed it, his signature move was to look bewilderedly at his drink as though inebriation could be the only explanation for the amazing feat he had just seen 007 pull off. An unsung hero of mine, he performed this routine in the three successive films (montage, below) running from ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ to ‘For Your Eyes Only’.

Then, whilst digging out a picture of Roger Moore for

To read the rest of this article, season 2013/14 is now available to download onto Kindle, in full. Containing previously unseen content, you can do so here for less than the cost of one matchday programme.

 Thanks for reading over the course of the campaign. For now I need to make space on this page for any follow up.  The ‘close season’ / World Cup columns continue in full, further on in this site.