Do we have to do the Ivan Toney video thing? We were on a break.

With top flight football on brief hiatus before we get back to action, these pages have been quiet for a few days. Blessed relief for some but there’s only so many times you can try and make noise out of Brentford and games which are still at least a week away. Everton (FA Cup) and Manchester City (Premier League), for the well-played record There’s no point any further conjecture around Christian Eriksen. Currently training with Ajax but still expected at Lionel Road in a few days’ time – albeit the only person taking longer to get their paperwork lodged would seem to be Sue Gray. It was supposed to be a break from the blogging with, rather, content being filed for the next few home programmes. Crystal Palace and Newcastle United kit pieces are in – the later of which hopefully won’t go go anywhere near the censors (if you are reading, editor – unlikely, let’s be honest). Then the combination of insomnia and the world seeming to explode over ‘that’ Ivan Toney holiday video seemed like a good place to jump back onboard.

Did he really say it? Well yes, but….

We’ve all, I assume, seen it? A 7 (seven) second clip of Ivan on his holidays. Taking a well deserved break, like the rest of the squad, after the exertions of the season. In Dubai (I believe) and unwinding at a discotheque after spending the last six months in the microscope of the Premier League. After defying the pundits and most people’s expectations by not being relegated but, rather, aside from a smattering of away games holding our own for vast swathes of the campaign. Oh, we’ll never get that time at Burnley, Brighton or Southampton back. 

But the critics and the clickbait mongers need something. And here it was. Ivan, uttering the words: “F*&k Brentford”. Taken out of context and printed down they read as bizarre, at the very best. Put them into the context of the actual video clip, engage your eyes and brain for more than a millisecond and it’s just nothing. Nothing. A young man relaxing on holiday and clearly, clearly, clearly trying to impress (presumably) a woman. A woman who even has to feed him the ‘killer’ line which he then repeats in almost bemused and confused fashion. Thinks: Why am I saying this? Oh well, if it helps get my end away then whatever.

Come on, Ivan. Say: “F*&k Boo-entford”

Footballer says something silly shocker. Man clowns around to try and impress lady. Err, that’s about the strength of it I think.

Don’t even be going all holier than thou Brentford official and launching an ‘inquiry’.

Don’t even think about apologising, Ivan. About doing one of those toe-curling videos saying how much you love and respect the fans.

We know. We don’t care. It’s so obvious as to what it is that most people with more than a double figure IQ can see. If there is any ‘remorse’ felt in the cold light of day and, let’s be clear that there shouldn’t be, then make it up by getting the winner against Everton. By beating the bookies to help us with what are, at present, 39/2 odds on winning at Manchester City.  Hey, I’ve invested. Who needs non-fungible tokens? There are much easier ways to make a fortune! Please note: fortune not guaranteed.

Roll on Everton. Roll on the prospect of new manager Frank Lampard (if you believe the rumours) losing his first fixture. Put to the sword by Ivan’s boot.  Perhaps even feeding from an assist by Christian Eriksen. Sorry Toffees’ fans. Sorry Allan. It’s football and we need to dream. Imagine the scenes. There’d be more limbs than a doll factory. That’s the focus now.  This video nonsense nothing but that. Nonsense. Forgotten about and filed away.

We’re hardly in Jamie Bates personal services’ territory. In Quarter Pound of Rubbish take-over talks. Waving W£bb Out flags. Now there were actual scandals…

Ivan, if you are reading (and again, we’re clutching at straws beyond even those of beating City) then we need to be clear. Nobody gives a flying monkey. Tell us you were misquoted if you want. I mean, you weren’t but it’s irrelevant. Don’t go near an apology. Don’t listen to the press. Just do your talking on the pitch.

And if you could help me win that bet, would be hugely appreciated…

Ivan under the microscope – nobody gives a flying monkey

Nick Bruzon

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New video footage shines different light on worst dive ever.

There’s no Premier League action for Brentford until next and the trips to Southampton / Liverpool. We’ve got the FA Cup this weekend but before then we’ve got the last knockings from the Aston Villa game at the weekend. Of course, that ended with both a 2-1 win for the Bees and a last second piece of hammy theatrics from Trézéguet so blatant, so sub-Rivaldo and just so ludicrous as to earn mockery from all over the internet and beyond. Even Match Of The Day 2 laying in to the most cringe inducing dive since Greg Louganis at the Seoul Olympics in 1988. It was a dive which produced an unexpected delivery to the Last Word inbox. Namely, new video footage of the incident that you’ll absolutely want to see.

How it appeared at first

First up, we’ve got the player ratings for Brentford. The ongoing quest to see who will end the season as our outstanding performer aswell as looking at the top five individual ratings on a game by game basis. The Aston Villa results can be found here. If nothing else, we’ve been given a clue as to how the team for Southampton may well look.

Brentford Player Ratings – Gameweek 19

Then, just when the weekend looked like if had drawn to a close we had more. Specifically, more Trézéguet. And no, this wasn’t the picture of him spark out on a plane, accompanying Liverpool legend Mo Salah to the African Cup of Nations.

Liverpool's Mohamed Salah & Aston Villa's Trézéguet sharing a private plane to #AFCON as they prepare to join up with the Egypt squad 🇪🇬✈️ pic.twitter.com/hqAOsY3JjC

— Liverpool FC News (@LivEchoLFC) January 3, 2022

Instead, a mystery benefactor sent through additional footage of the Trézéguet incident. Whilst most fans are hoping for some retrospective punishment, has the Aston Villa man been wronged?

Was there outside influence from the much touted ‘sniper in the crowd’ theory?

Or was it just a shit dive?

We’ll never know because the Premier League have since had it taken down after close on 50,000 views. Their call. Instead, we’ve gone for a different take – namely, an artist’s impression of events.

Over to you….

Nick Bruzon

Apologies to Bush (Andy, not Shepherd’s) as hectic month awaits and social media delivers.

December is here. A non-stop charge into action with Brentford facing 7(seven) league games aswell as that league cup quarter final at Lionel Road. Victory against Everton on Sunday the perfect way to set ourselves up for the coming month. Next up are Spurs, Leeds United, Watford, Manchester United etc etc etc It’ll be nuts. It’ll be chaotic. It’ll be a whole lot of fun.

Everton already seems an after thought. A game of football that will live long in the record books as a 1-0 win for Brentford. That’ll do for me. Take the points, exorcise the memory and move on. Our opposition in about an awful a run of form as they come and for whom a lesson in injury related sportsmanship wouldn’t go amiss, either. Thoughts and prayers for Lucas Digne. Thoughts and prayers. What a shame the same didn’t happen and the ball kicked out when Rico Henry was actually crocked. 

Still, its all been and gone now. A win for the Bees is a win. Not to mention a clean sheet, another Ivan Toney penalty taking masterclass and a couple of (perhaps) unexpected entrants into the look at our top five performers. Were we wrong? Who missed out? Who should have been included? The journey to discover our season long contenders continues, too, and you can see that here.

Did Sergi’s hair make the top five?

As for this morning, I’m feeling a bit ‘Peter Gilham’. Specifically, the time he was obliged to promote the club’s latest foray into social media. Live on pitch he encouraged us to use, “Snapchat”. Then paused for a moment before adding, “Whatever that is.”

I was sent a video by a friend who was making his first visit to The Brentford Community Stadium. And no, it wasn’t Absolute radio DJ Andy Bush and Everton who, as it turned out, may not actually have been making his initial trip to our new home. In fact, it seems the frustration endured was limited to TV viewing, judging by the first hour of yesterday’s Hometime show.

As such, my apologies for the mix up which saw his file picture published in the announcements page. And when I say his, I mean ‘a’.

DJs with glasses – they all look so similar…

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOUR 😂😂😂 #bushalike https://t.co/4getuV8AGL

— Andy Bush (@bushontheradio) November 28, 2021

We’re fortunate enough to have many friendly and familiar faces around us where we sit in the North stand. Some we’ve been near for years and others who, Brentford being Brentford, we just know because everyone knows everyone.

Our H has picked up where he left off at Griffin Park and, sitting in relatively close proximity to the pitch,  still absorbs the moment of victory like no other. Perhaps barring one. So it certainly put a smile on our faces when ‘the moment’ was captured on a Tik Tok (whatever that i…) .

@brentfordfc

This. Is. Football. ❤️

♬ original sound – Tik Toker

And talking of Peter / social media, well it would be remiss not to revisit this one. We’ve all seen it but on a bitter cold Tuesday morning, may well put a smile on the face. Mr. Brentford delivering again. And again. Any excuse…..

Stadium announcer for how many years and still falls for it 😭🤣 pic.twitter.com/qZ2RkkhbKk

— will (@will_1889) November 14, 2020

As for Spurs, we go into our game at their new home on Thursday with several injury related questions in the air. Whilst Shandon Baptiste and Yoanne Wissa both made it onto the pitch from the bench against Everton, Christian Norgaard went off minutes after sitting down and clutching his back. Likewise Sergi Canos and Rico Henry. Fingers crossed both were precautionary. Having to reshuffle the pack once more, just as payers are returning, a headache Thomas Frank could well do without. Moreso given we head to Leeds United on Sunday. 

My £30 ticket is in hand for that one. £30. Thank you Leeds. So generous. Worth going for the pleasure of not having our pockets picked on the way in as happened so often in the Championship. And League One. Remember that? Oh, Ben Strevens….

Still, that’s to come. As are Watford, Man U et al . With forthcoming programme columns coming out of the ears, these pages may go a bit darker territory than normal. Perhaps not. Let’s just play it by ear. One things for sure, with a game every few days next month it’s going to be football, football, football. And I can’t wait. See you there.

Ben Strevens. At Leeds United. In League One

Nick Bruzon 

From Blue Peter to Mr Tumble. Club legend does it again.

Another Premier League first for Brentford. The build up to next Friday continued with the team shooting those ‘green screen’ goal celebration videos which, all being well, we’ll get to see over the forthcoming season. Whilst our more longstanding divisional stable mates – the likes of Manchester City, Arsenal, Liverpool etc etc – are well versed in all of this, for Brentford it was a first. And there were predictable results. Of the most wonderful kind.

Peter Gilham. Mr Brentford. Football’s longest serving man-with-the-mic. A man clear even of George Sephton at Liverpool in his time reading out the teams, announcing the substitutes and reminding us that “Every goal scored is sponsored by Siracusa. It’s a little Italian restaurant… at Brentford Lock” amongst his other many, many duties. We all know Peter. We all love Peter. He is the modest, under-assuming face of our club. As big a fan as anybody in the stands and living the dream. Only a place in the squad remains for him to have then completed the list of having performed just about every job done at Griffin Park and, now, Lionel Road.

Peter doing his thing on match day

His moments are legion. The dangerously stimulating pronunciation of Maxiime Collll-in. Maybe the explosions that were goal celebrations for the likes of “Owusuuuuuuu!” or “Triple B. Big Ben Burrrgeessssssss”. 

“Hello. And welcome to Brentford club call” being one of my favourites from days gone by. The pre-internet chance to run up a 33p a minute phone bill on 0898 121108 whilst waiting to find out which Premier League star we’d signed. 180 seconds later…Welcome back, Bob Booker! That’s a pound my parents will never see again.

Who could forget the 3-0 v Fulham a few season back when Peter once more got caught up in the moment of fan masquerading as p.a. announcer and lost it. In the best possible sense.  “The scorer of Brentford’s third goal…Yoannnn Barbettttt !!!…. I think,” and then after the briefest of what seem to be trademark pauses, “No.It was Scott Hogan. But who cares?!!!“

Yet for me, if you wanted to capture Peter’s style and charm in a single moment it was during a pre-season friendly against Celta Vigo. At one point he was forced to reel off a good half dozen, at least, simultaneous substitutions for the visitors. Manfully, he struggled through before concluding in his customary dry style, “And if that’s wrong, don’t blame me.”

Peter includes ‘Minder’ in his many duties

As with all of us, modern life can present challenges. The warning signs were there the time Peter was obliged to promote the club’s social media channels. Live on pitch he encouraged us to use, “Snapchat”. Then paused for a moment before adding, “Whatever that is.”

Then, last season, he was pranked. Royally. In scenes akin to Bart Simpson ringing Moe’s Tavern in TV’s The Simpsons, he didn’t miss a beat in reading out a birthday announcement to Mike Oxlong from his friends Sal Army and Hugh J… well, the video is below:

Stadium announcer for how many years and still falls for it 😭🤣 pic.twitter.com/qZ2RkkhbKk

— will (@will_1889) November 14, 2020

There wasn’t even any suggestion that such a legend should be shown some respect. Frankly, it was just too funny. Fifty years at the helm yet still suckered in by the oldest trick in the p.a. book.  It was a moment that made National Radio on the Dave Berry breakfast show. Over 2million Absolute Radio listeners waking up to the sound of Peter saying Mike Oxlong. More importantly, it gave us all a huge laugh at a time when Corona was ruining everything for everyone.

Then, yesterday, it happened again. Not so much falling for a trick as falling over himself. It says it all about Peter that the club chose to include him in the goal celebration videos being shot. Shows just what a key part of the team and the squad he is. 

In front of the green screen, whilst living the dream, it happened. In Brentford style.

🙈 Not everything went to plan at today's @premierleague content day …

(No stadium announcers were hurt in the making of this video)#BrentfordFC pic.twitter.com/7qCGb5SCkn

— Brentford FC (@BrentfordFC) August 2, 2021

I can’t watch this enough. Who doesn’t love a bit of falling over. And for it to be Peter. Magnificent. The spirit in the club truly alive and kicking, given Ivan’s reaction. It’s now up there up with the time that Mr Tumble signed for Manchester City in my favourite non-footballers doing football things moments. See also : Stallone and Caine turning out for the Allies XI in Escape To Victory or Bryan Robson and his Thunderbirds level cameo on Jossy’s Giants. Come for the ‘acting’. Stay for the jumper.

Bravo Peter. Bravo. Now, it’s just a place in the Premier League and you’ll have done it all. If it’s good enough for Tumble then….

Tumble’s stint at the Ethiad was very much ‘blink and you’ll miss it”

Nick Bruzon

Ticket and travel update ahead of Saturday.

Wednesday. The midweek eye of the storm in the build up to Brentford – Swansea City on Saturday. The euphoria of the weekend and the stunning obliteration of Bournemouth now replaced with the knowledge that we are 90 minutes from the Premier League. That said, for those of us needing that additional fix of emotion ‘official’ were doing everything possible to help us OD with an alternate take of the 3-1 drubbing now being shared. For others, there was the question of whether ballot tickets would be awarded to their children or if any of us would even be able to go following the latest Corona confusion impacting the London Borough of Hounslow.

𝘼𝙡𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚

One final look at Saturday … go on then#BrentfordFC #BREBOU pic.twitter.com/fmmwAUy57G

— Brentford FC (@BrentfordFC) May 25, 2021

The good news is that despite the scare felt by many, clarification has finally been given with govt advice now being updated to say that there are no local lockdowns and no travel restrictions in place. Leader of Hounslow council and Bees fan Steve Curran no doubt happy to see this threat binned, making a statement to highlight the futility of such a proposal aswell as lambasting what he sees as a, frankly, shambolic response. “For one of London’s most connected boroughs – with Heathrow on its doorstep, the M4 and A4 running through it, the Piccadilly Line, the main line from Waterloo, plus the North Circular via Kew Bridge – to try and limit travel within its borders is not only impossible, it’s a ridiculous idea.”

Anyway, it means we can all go to the game on Saturday. Those of us with tickets, that is. What it means for the longer term BIAS petition to increase capacity remains to be seen. Despite the signatories blitzing this one, the inclusion of Hounslow on a list of 8 local ‘hotpsots’ suggests that, through no fault of theirs or the football community, any significant stepping up of supporter numbers would now seem unlikely. Coincidence? Convenience? Or a right and proper outcome following the latest news? 

It doesn’t really matter what we think. I can’t see it happening now. Sadly. Despite over 10,000 names added in little over two days,I can’t imagine any politician will want the broader outcry that will inevitably come with being seen to proactively empower an additional 5000 to travel from Brentford, given its location in the vast borough of Hounslow. Look positive and be grateful for what you have, no doubt, being their expectation of us.

In a way, to even have 4000 present will be a boost compared to last year. Rattling around an empty Wembley about as soul destroying as it gets. What should have been the ultimate experience for the players reduced to an echoy nothingness. Instead, this time around they will have the memory of our previous play-off campaign to draw on aswell as some actual noise from the Brentford faithful. 

My word, if it was loud on Saturday, then it will need to be double that this time around. Watching the highlights, the whole game replay, the aforementioned video and any other excuse to reinject the atmosphere directly into my veins  (metaphorically speaking) what continues to blow me away is just how noisy this was. Wow. Just wow !!!  And that was with Lionel Road less than a quarter full. What a lift it must have been. We’re going to have to be double, triple that on Saturday. Bottle the memory and bring it with you along with the extra strong mints and strepsils. Thomas, pack your runners and do another pre kick-off lap (or 200 metres, perhaps). That, alone, responsible for giving us an even bigger lift at the crucial time. And, like magic pants, lucky shorts or not shaving, a potential pre-match ritual that may now have to be set in stone.

Pack those runners for Wembley, Thomas.

On a personal note, and thank you so much to everybody asking, our Harry won’t be going whilst I don’t know whether Woody was successful. Brentford official have confirmed on the website that  the 50 pairs of tickets for junior supporters have now been allocated and all winners contacted. Congratulations. Genuinely. I’m not a fool and, like anybody, would love the opportunity for my family to be there. Equally, there are so many of us missing out in equally unfair circumstances that are the fault nobody connected to the club. Likewise, I am sure, on the Swansea City side. That’s the harsh reality of life at the moment.

I just wish there was a Plan B to let some extra supporters in but, barring a petition based miracle, it looks like this is it. Sadly, not even doing Plan A better would seem to be an option available to us this time around. Then again, look what happened when we tried that before. Unless somebody is able to use Mark Warburton’s abacus for dishing out the tickets then this is it.  Instead, it is now on all of us fortunate enough to be present to make our voices heard for one more game. To give the team support like never before but as much, to help win it for those watching back home, in the pubs and wherever they can find screen.

One more game. It sounds so simple on paper. 

One more game…..

Nick Bruzon

Sergi? Jota? Dallas? The Hoff? Who scored our best ever goal?

Curses. Overslept. Normally this nonsense falls out at some ungodly hour, through no other motivation than general insomnia. Not today though. Small mercies I suppose. For all of us. So instead of a look ahead to tonight’s huge game for Brentford, the second v first clash at Norwich City, let’s just cut to the social media chase. Goals. Goals. Goals. We all know what Vitaly Janelt did against Stoke City at the weekend. An absolute howitzer of a shot that had fans and pundits purring alike. If you have, somehow missed it, then here you go. Albeit, please forgive the ropey editing that sees the normally mellifluous Mark Burridge replaced with North Norfolk’s finest.

Oh, that Janelt goal…
I could watch it again and again. With added comms… 😉 #BrentfordFC pic.twitter.com/BrJ4WupzAA

— Nick Bruzon (@NickBruzon) February 28, 2021

However, it got me thinking. Incredible an effort that it was, have we had better? Quite simply, what was the greatest Brentford goal ever scored? As ever, social media came to the rescue. Roger Cross against Notts County. Glenn Poole’s volley direct from a corner when Wycombe Wanderers were in town. Tony Folan and Paul Evans, twice. Peterborough and Cambridge United / from the half way line and, err, from the half way line respectively. Jota, Benrahma and Ollie Watkins also amongst those appearing multiple times. 

Those earlier efforts goals which, magnificent though they were, only live on in the minds eye or some really grainy footage. With apologies to Glenn Poole whose effort was later highlighted on this old Sky Sports feature by Ian Westbrook. That one is still worth a look and you can see it immediately below.

Instead, the various choices were whittled down to four choices and the vote is now live on Twitter. If you need any reminder of these then why not take another look? Come for the goals. Stay for Mark Burridge. Then the vote is at the bottom.

1: Stuart Dallas at Fulham. Where to even start? The approach play. The lay up by Andre Gray. The acceleration. The power. To do this at any time would be amazing but in front of your own fans, in our neighbours’ back yard was nothing short of wonderful. ‘Limbs’ indeed. What a return to Championship action for the West London derby.

2: Jota at Blackburn. The king scored some incredible goals. Fulham in the last minute. Making a mockery of Jake Bidwell as he ran rings around QPR. Take your pick. However, we settled on this one up at Ewood Park. Not usually a happy hunting ground, especially midweek, he re-wrote the rule books with this run that covered almost the entire length of the pitch before a sublime finish. #Burridgegasm.

3: Sergi Canos . Oooohh, Sergi Canos. I wanna know etc etc etc . A goal which you can’t see enough. If only for how young he looks (even compared to now). The trap, then feint, the second touch, the finish. Poor Ryan Woods, his opener in this game had ‘goal of the season’ sewn up. For about forty minutes…

4: Philipp Hofmann. The game with Nottingham Forest at Griffin Park was one with everything. A red card for Harlee Dean. A scoreline hanging in the balance. Sergi at his finest. A crowds. Ah, I remember them. Then, with full time almost upon us, up stepped the Hoff. It may not have been a thirty yard blockbuster but chocked full of deflections (count ‘em, 1.. 2.. 3) is sent the home crowd wild and was the perfect denouement to the most stressful of evenings at Griffin Park.

The vote is here. Dive in and enjoy. Thanks . And then for a proper preview of the Norwich City game, why not read Ian’s piece. You can find that here. At least one of us was up on time !!!

The choice, is yours…..

We've all seen Vitaly Janelt do his thing but prior to that, what's the greatest #BrentfordFC goal of recent times? (@KingJota @sergicanos @dallas_stuart @BrentfordFC )

— Nick Bruzon (@NickBruzon) March 2, 2021

Nick Bruzon.

Can anyone beat Droid Owusu? Are these the three best videos ever?

With Brentford facing home games against both Fulham (cup) and Preston North End (league) in the next few days, there’s going to be a whole load of on-pitch stuff to talk about between now and Monday morning. So for now, there a bit of a round up regarding season tickets – admin and humour. Plus, because we can, the latest in the series of ‘spotter denied’ videos. Something which is nothing to do with football but always worth a watch – even if it did see legions of Harry Potter fans (the boy wizard rather than the green-jacketed super fan) left distraught. Stop sniggering.

Brentford’s own Harry Potter

First up, season tickets. Friday October 2nd is the deadline to ‘Freeze. Reserve. Refund’.  Whilst, for many, the first option is the most practical, individual circumstances may well be different. These are tough times for many. As such I guess this is as much a note to remind supporters that the default option for taking no action will be ‘Freeze’, with all the associated benefits of course.

The club have sent reminder emails whilst anybody with questions can either email tickets@brentfordfc.com with your query or call our Box Office team on 0333 005 8521 and they will be happy to assist you. Not my words etc but I’m sure it is true. Our ticket office have been one of the standout areas of supporter service in recent years.

Option selected

There is also a third option, our new ‘chatbot’. Cripes, I hate these things normally. The shame faced attempt to lure you into the belief you are talking-to a human being when, infact, it’s nothing more than series of computer generated responses designed to match up to common questions. Hurrah for algorithms. Said nobody ever.

Brentford official have now gone down this route too but there’s no pretence. Quite the opposite. We’re advertising it. And how. There’s a quite magnificent thread on Twitter, asking supporters to come up with a name for our own in-house ‘bot’. Why we need to name it I’ve no idea, beyond awareness, but it has spawned a quite magnificent thread of bot-based bad Bees punnery. Whilst blowing my own trumpet, I defy even Jim Levack at his Middlesex Chronicle big book of 80s alliteration best to beat that one.

But , as ever, its all about substance rather than headline. And what substance. For me, Clive, the stand out contenders are.

Mark Chatman 

Murray Drones

Botinho

Droid Owusu

Johnny 5 – Birmingham 0

I wouldn’t be surprised to see Chatman get it. Great wordplay and as popular a name in recent times as Ollie Botkins or anyone else associated with the club.  Botinho is magnificent, too, although there’s a danger it would only run for 13 minutes then disappear without a trace. Murray Drones is probably more one for the grown ups (and remember kids, don’t have nightmares) whilst Droid Owusu deserves it on merit alone. Quite brilliant. 

As Tom Arron noted on Twitter: Someone said Droid Owusu? They win.

The full thread is here. Help yourself and why not play along too? Is it too late for me to add Harry Botter?

Got a question regarding the Season Ticket Holder options? Ask our new chatbot here

👉 https://t.co/lqS4CTQnrF

We need your help naming our bot, we’ll start you off with 'Robot Taylor' 🤖

Comment below 👇#BrentfordFC pic.twitter.com/0H6B5tINRc

— Brentford FC (@BrentfordFC) September 29, 2020

Next up, Harry Potter. Or, rather, Potter fans. We’re all, I am sure, with the trainspotter denied orgasm video. One of the all time classic YouTube clips, there is no explanation required. All I’ll say is to wait for the exasperated cry of “bollocks” before anything even comes into view. You can hear the anticipation falling off a cliff.

Another video has started doing the rounds now of something similar happening up in Scotland. The chance to see the ‘Hogwarts Express’ was denied fans of the popular children’s character when another commuter service got in the way. If only they could make the 18.26 to Edinburgh disappear….

The unedited version pic.twitter.com/Bfm636VfJK

— Andy Miller (@andy_m1ller) September 29, 2020

To this series of shorts, we’ve also been sent this one. From the States. The moment the historic (apparently) Georgia Dome was demolished. With onlookers all set to capture the moment for posterity, a bus pulls up to…. well, just take a look.

They’re nothing to do with football, of course, but sometimes you just need to realise that however bad life feels, there’s always somebody else having their day ruined. With Griffin Park now in line for a similar fate at some point, will the first swing of the wrecking ball be recorded forever or caught behind an Amazon delivery truck?

To be honest, I’d rather not think about it. Perhaps let’s just rewatch Potter once more.

Nick Bruzon

Waiting for (err) Raya as old friends return.

The game with Huddersfield Town may be upon us but for now Brentford supporters seem more concerned with transfer talk. There’s the move, or non-move as now looks likely, of David Raya to Arsenal along with the incoming conjecture surrounding Saman Ghoddos. Plus we’ve the return of an old favourite from last season – Stu Wakeford and Marcus Gayle are back with ‘The Run In’ (as was). The show, affectionately nicknamed ‘Soccer PM’ makes a return on Friday evening and the team are looking for your help. Meanwhile, over in Gibraltar a win for Glasgow Rangers has us asking questions about football folklore.

They’re back tonight

First up, David Raya. Go back to sleep Arsenal fans, its not happening. Despite the stress and angst felt in this corner of the world by many (although if that was bad then just wait until the Benrahma / Crystal Palace stories start up again…) our man is going nowhere. It is a drum that the GPG in particular have been long banging and now the press would seem to have caught up. Several publications (established rather than those ‘the three players this club must sign’ type clickbait mongers) are now reporting that we have turned down a significant bid – £10m is the figure quoted – even though this also had a season long loan back option included. Apparently.

What a statement if so. This club won’t be pushed around. Players will only be sold if Brentford want it to happen. Arsenal will have to wait. Or come back to the table with a nuclear sized bid although the same sources now say that their attention is focussed elsewhere. Hurrah. Of course, what this means for the Lionel Road goalkeeping position remains to be seen. Luke Daniels has worn the gloves so far this campaign and I can only imagine him doing so again when Huddersfield Town come to visit. He’s waited a long time for his chance and won’t be happy to give it up.

That’s the view looking in. Of course, we don’t actually know what’s going on behind the scenes. Paper talk is one thing and Raya could be genuinely injured. Hey, you never know. The wantaway talk nothing but bull smoked up by agents and a rival club to strip up intrigue and unsettling speculation. Hey, one can fantasise.

David Raya is a Bee.

Next up, Saman Ghoddos. We’ve not talked about the attacker’s proposed move on these pages yet. Mainly because the saga seems to have dragged on longer than a studio recording of Mrs. Brown’s Boys and has been as equally painful. That’s as much down to the same ‘joke’ (and I use that word with the same caution offered at a studio recording of Mrs. Brow… ) being used by the entire internet. Yes, I get it. His surname is Ghoddos. We’re still waiting for news on him signing.  If only there was an original way to connect the two that, seemingly, nobody else has thought of. Waiting f… No. Can’t do it. Won’t do it.

Instead, I’ll offer up a couple more shared last night . “Where Is Your Ghoddos now” was nice. There was also “Does your Ghoddos exist?” . If it all turns out to be idle speculation then we can just go for “The Ghoddos Delusion” …

Next up, ‘The Run In’ is back. The surprise hit of the summer, put together to build up the big game atmosphere as lockdown bit,  was a video show hosted by the aforementioned Wakeford and Gayle. The former of Soccer AM duties (but don’t let that stop you watching) and the legend that is Marcus. A club hero on and off the pitch. A club ambassador and , like Sam Saunders, one of those with his own special song. We still know it.

The great news is that the first show of series 2 is up this evening. It hits YouTube at 6pm and is very much a ‘must see’ for anyone needing their fix of all things Brentford. The one fly in the ointment being the title. The run in to 2019/20 has been and gone. We’ve a new season and, as such, something more appropriate is needed. This is where your help is needed. A tweet went up last night calling on fans to come up with a title. Personally, I’ve gone for Countdown to Kick-Off (Soccer PM felt as obvious as the Ghoddos affair) but there must be better out there. Surely?

Anyway, if you want to win a new shirt reply to the below Tweet. But do it fast.

We’re back but we want a new name for the show! Send us your shouts and if we pick yours we’ll send the first to suggest it a replica shirt from this season #therunin https://t.co/3ORPu8kvhT

— Stuart Wakeford (@StuSoccerAm) September 17, 2020

Finally, Gibraltar. Lincoln Red Imps, who so famously beat Celtic 1-0 in a Champions League qualifier a few season back, were thumped 5-0 by Rangers last night in the Europa League. Fair enough. It happens. The regular reader will know of my family connection and fascination with all things based around the GFA. 

However, the score is mentioned as much to question the rules of a football trashing. This, being how Absolute Radio reported the game in their breakfast show news today. 

Much like the wellness scale of shot methods (at 110%, if anything he hit it too well) what determines when the word ‘trashing’ can be used? Is it 4, 5 or more goals? Does that need to be clear (So 5-3 isn’t a trashing)? Do you get bonus points for playing away? Should the perceived quality of the opposition ever be factored in (so Liverpool winning 4-0 away to teams like Brentford or Arsenal is, perhaps, more well played than an actual ‘thrashing’)?

If anyone knows, then please send in your answers on a postcard, marked ‘thrashing’. Please note that your entries cannot be returned. Until then, we’ll stick with the only two really established rules. Brackets after a 7(seven) – 0 should always, only ever be lower case and then there’s that quite magnificent scale of shot quality.

If anything he hit it too well

Nick Bruzon 

Thomas and Trevor play the opposition like a fiddle. No pressure, Leeds….

What else can we say? The shockwaves from a quite magnificent win for Brentford over Charlton Athletic on Tuesday are still rumbling. Not so much about the strength of character and barrel load of guts shown by the team but more due to the predictable yet always brilliant reaction from Leeds United supporters. This time, in regards to Thomas Frank and his whiteboard. And if they were feeling the pressure after that, I daren’t even look at social media following yesterday’s win for West Bromwich Albion against Wayne Rooney’s Derby County. The stress levels in Yorkshire when Stoke City visit tonight could be immense.

There was no column yesterday. A relief for many, no doubt. This was for no more a reason than needing to catch up on some sleep after what had been a brutal yet ultimately exciting evening in front of the telly. Charlton got the early goal – our first conceded sine Joe Ralls found the net for Cardiff City in February (and just pause to think how far back that was)  –  then put down the shutters. The game managed beautifully by The Addicks and Brentford seeing all attempts at creativity stifled. Half time coming and going before we knew what had happened. The clock moving ever onward and the mood in the Midlands getting lighter by the second. And then came the moment which hanged the game. THAT hydration break…..

With games now interrupted for players to take on water at the midway point, Thomas Frank seized his moment. Along with the water bottles, out came his whiteboard and magnets. With the players taking on fluids, an impromptu review of tactics played out in front of our eyes. I say tactics, it could just as easily been an attempt to figure out the seating plan for the coach trip to Derby or decide who was going to take Ian Moose his full time snacks. Who knows what was said… 😉

 

And it was this that sent the Leeds United fans off the deep end. Twitter was awash with salty tears, cries of foul play, shouts of tin-pottery and a swathe of accusations that our head coach was somehow cheating. Hello Mr Kettle. Is somebody feeling the stress? With Brentford sitting just three points behind the Elland Road outfit and four to play, their game at home to relegation threatened Stoke City this evening will be absolutely huge.

The GPG have since released what they believe to be a transcript of the conversation that played out. If you haven’t seen it (surely everyone has) then it is below. And if you have, then watch it again. Quite magnificent. Great work Trevor and symptomatic of how much we are enjoying the wave of pressure that others seems to be struggling with at the business end of the table.

𝐄𝐗𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄: We got a lip-reader to watch the "DRINKS BREAK". Here's what Thomas Frank said to the boys.

Prepare to be shocked!@LUFC and @WBA fans will be outraged. Only the @EFL can sort out this blatant cheating. pic.twitter.com/j1rsk1q6c6

— Griffin Park Grapevine (@bfcgpg) July 7, 2020

Yet whatever it was that Thomas did say had the desired effect. Man of the match (I presume) Josh Dasilva  creating mayhem down the right. Benrahma coming closer and closer with each attempt on goal before he was eventually felled in the box, picked himself up and made it 1-1 with a quarter hour to go. From that point on there was only one winner. Josh Dasilva saw a shot from distance bounce clear off the top corner as the Bees pushed on. Eventually, Ethan Pinnock grabbing the decisive goal with five minutes to go. A corner taken short (not a typo) was whipped in and rather than provide his customary assist, he went one better and steer it past the ‘keeper with a fine header. Oh. My.

It was a victory achieved in the toughest of circumstances abasing opponents who played a first class game and cause so close to themselves securing at least one point. Charlton gave it their best and will presumably remain safe. A win for Stoke City this evening probably the last thing they’ll be hoping for. 

In the end Derby County were unable to do us, or themselves, any favours last night. West Bromwich Albion swept them aside with all the ease of Ian Moose reaching for a slice of cake at half-time. The Rams at least offering hope ahead of our own visit to Pride Park on Saturday in their looking totally inept .

That, a game I’m dreading for no more reason than Thomas Frank has this morning been nominated for June’s manager of the month award. With Brentford boasting that 100% win record   and cleaner sheets than Danny Baker doing his doorstep challenge, he’ll be doing well to miss out on this one. And we all know what happens next time out should a manager scoop the award.

Then again, we beat the curse of Clem against Wigan Athletic. What’s to say that, should he triumph, we can’t beat this one either? The way Brentford are playing at the moment, nothing would surprise me.

The one thing we can be sure of is that Derby can’t possibly be as anonymous as they were last night. With the play-offs still in their sights, this is going to take everything we’ve got. And I can’t wait. Bring it on.

See you on the couch this Saturday.

Trevor (and Thomas) play Leeds’ fans like a fiddle

Nick Bruzon

Is this his best goal ever? And a sneak peak inside the ground on matchday.

Magnificent . Wonderful. Incredible. One starts to run out of superlatives after a while. A Said Benrahma hat trick was the icing on the cake of another dominant performance for Brentford. Five in a row and none conceded as a 3-0 defeat of Wigan Athletic on Saturday afternoon kept up the pressure on the top two. With West Bromwich Albion just a couple of points ahead and due to face relegation threatened Hull City this afternoon for their ‘game in hand’, the season really is building to a ‘who blinks first’ crescendo. Leeds United can breath a little easier after their own three points yesterday but it was at Wayne Rooney’s Derby County, of all places, where the day got off to a quite wonderful start. Their 95th minute equaliser against Nottingham Forest saw the Bees staying in third without even having to kick a ball. Instead, we kicked on in just about the best style possible.

Celebrating with the ‘fans’ at full time……?

Wigan weren’t even at the races. No surprise given the situation playing out at the DW where we can have nothing but the utmost sympathy for their players, staff and supporters. Yet to overlook the performance from Brentford would be to offer the hugest level of disrespect to Thomas Frank and his team. The Bees were at their scintillating best. Tearing it up down the flanks , cutting through the middle and only last gasp defence denying Ollie Watkins the opportunity to add to his haul. 

But if one of the division’s form teams (Wigan were unbeaten in 9 and had won 6 of their last 7(seven) games) looked like they might hold tight, that man Benrahma popped up with just shy of 20 minutes on the clock. Marcondes headed the ball towards towards him, the Algerian turned, spun and volleyed it low in to the bottom corner. 1-0 and game on ! 

And whilst the score remained the same until half time, things changed in the most dramatic style shortly in to the second period. Benrahma picking up the ball close to the corner flag by the New Road and hitting it goalwards on the tightest of angles. It floated across the defence before taking a handbrake turn into the top corner. The ultimate example of the cross-cum-shot and one that had no right to go in but, somehow, it did. The smile on his face said it all. As did the tweet from Brentford official, which declared: IF HE’S MEANT THAT, THAT IS RIDICULOUS..

Did he mean it, they would go on to ask this morning? The goal is below and, my word, needs to be seen to be believed.

Did he mean it? 🤔

Either way, it's another home win ticked off with @London_Pride 👉 https://t.co/o1DfiASCHd#BREWIG | #BrentfordFC pic.twitter.com/OXS9obze2O

— Brentford FC (@BrentfordFC) July 5, 2020

And then minutes later it was three. Benrahma claiming the match ball with another shot pinged in from the eye of the box. Josh Dasilva and then Christian Norgaard combining to set him up for a beautifully struck shot. How does he make it look so easy? 

There was more but I don’t really have the words today. Watch the video. It was a long, emotional afternoon. Beers were drunk before, during and after. Points were cheered and smiles were broad. Sitting in the shadow of Griffin Park as the sun set, it was another chance to count our blessings. With chaos reigning all around, the good ship Brentford seems as calm and stable as ever.

Thomas Frank hinted at it in his prematch interview with Clem that went out on Football Focus. The link to that one is here – it’s on I-player for a week – and is well worth a watch. He exudes calm. Confidence. Common sense. His manner is nothing but inspiring and his approach philosophical. Why look at the table for more than a second? You can’t change anything. Influence anything. Concentrate on your own next training session. Your own next game. It is an approach that clearly worked yesterday.

By all logic, this should be awful. Shut out of our own ground. Denied the chance to watch this most special of teams in the flesh. To see if our last minute surge to the top of the table may have sufficient legs to see us surge past West Bromwich Albion or Leeds United on the line. Yet the communal feeling that is still so apparently there – on social media, whatsapp groups and in our little bubbles – is nothing but intoxicating. We really are in this together. Even if it is from the safety of our front rooms. 

Hearing Peter Gilham roaring the team on (via the video links) still sends shivers up the spine. Seeing him celebrate the goals and, along with the other officials, take the applause at full time even better. I was sent these pictures last night of what it looks like from that perch on high. I’d love to be there but, you know what, being with friends and family feels like the right way to do this. 

Peter celebrates

….the other side of that post game celebration

Yet perhaps the last word today should got to Thomas Frank, from the aforementioned BBC piece. Asked by Clem for a single word to describe the achievement if Brentford were to reach the Premier league, he answered in characteristic style:  “I will give you that word. If and when we achieve it. I promise you that.” 

I can’t wait to hear what that is…

Nick Bruzon